March 16th, 2012 // 69 Comments
Don't Ask About Her Exes
Kirsten Dunst
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Apparently Kirsten Dunst refuses to uses elevators tarnished by the hoi polloi meat bags whose blood she feasts upon at will because her handlers commandeered an elevator at Chateau Marmont this week and refused entry to anyone lacking a distinctive snaggling of tooth. Page Six reports:

“They said Kirsten Dunst was going up and down. They said nobody else could enter and asked other guests to take the stairs.”

In Kirsten’s defense, moving coffins are all the rage with the Nosferatu right now, all the rage. Why just the other day I saw Dakota Fanning napping in one swinging from a helicopter. Granted, it accidentally collided with a building, cursing everyone within to unholy damnation for disturbing her slumber, but she swears it was like a blowjob to her back. “Fuck memory foam,” I believe she wrote on Amazon.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Flame on

    How could anyone else possibly fit with those gigantic tits she has!?!?

  2. whiskeyafternoon

    I’m guessing ‘elevator sex’ was on her bucket list. Not quite the way to go about it, though.

    • Dan

      Yeah… I think you’re just supposed to stop the elevator between floors.

      I would hate being a maid/maintenance person at the Chateau Marmont. I bet there is just all kinds of crazy shit left behind from these crazy hollywood stars.

      • Bobu

        They offer a private bungalow that has its own entrance and parking, so you don’t have to be “among the regulars” if you don’t want to. The price wasn’t even that insane.

  3. Carles

    I always thought she was hot.

  4. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I almost didn’t recognize here because she looked… really good? She’s one that can do the whole thing where one minute she’s super hot and the next day it looks like she’s been homeless for 6 months.

    My penis is so confused…

  5. Richard McBeef

    i’d get her down on those knock knees and let her take the cheese graters to my dick skin.

  6. JC

    This is the best I’ve seen her look in a while. I’d allow her to pleasure me in her sarcophagus.

  7. EricLr

    I wonder what would have happened if Gwyneth Paltrow had got on that elevator. Surely the universe would have ended right there.

  8. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually ….. looks…. pretty….. brain …… imploding…..

    • Kritsada

      Katie Holmes will be the new face of Mui Mui hitting the mags in the spnrig. Johnny Depp’s French Girl and the mother of his children, Vanessa Paradis is the current face.

  9. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like she just stepped out of a sal-oh wait a minute, are those snaggleteeth?

  10. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Yup she’s been told to hide the snaggleteeth

  11. LJ

    After reading the headline, I assume Fish cracked open the Irish Whiskey to start the St. Patrick binge a bit early?

  12. El Jefe

    I thought the most interesting part of this whole story was that she could still afford to have handlers and “people”.

    • EricLr

      They only call them her “handlers” because she’s rich. We common folk know them as “pimps.” As in “Bitch, you better give that guy a blowjob in that elevator or you’re getting the ring hand! He ain’t paying $1000 an hour for you to argue with me!”

  13. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Remember not to show your teeth. Remember not to show your teeth. Remember not to show your teeth.

  14. Iusethestairs

    Only fat people use elevators.

  15. cc

    She looked pretty good naked in Melancholia. However, that only makes up for about 1/10th of the suffering involved in sitting through Melancholia.

    • Debbie Does Dallas

      Even porn has shitty parts you have to skip. And porn is specifically for wacking off to, while Melancholia was for realsies a movie.

    • Didn’t you know? Due to the magic of the internet you can skip to the nudity without having to sit through the whole movie. There’s tons of sites that do it.

      She looked really good naked in Melancholia. Very sexy woman.

  16. richie


  17. Melon Collie

    Jerked off more than once to her tits in that movie where she showed her tits. Thinking of watching it again, those boobs cannot be denied.

  18. It Worked

    Everytime I see or read about this chick I get wood.

  19. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Sweet Jane
    Commented on this photo:

    A blowjob of pure golden sunshine, that’s the promise her beautiful mouth makes.

  20. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck, she’s hot.

  21. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got gorgeous hair.

  22. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s sexy.

  23. turd da third

    what a horrible picture she looks like she is about to block a shot

  24. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Locker Up
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d bang her and Avril at the same time

  25. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Her pubes are probably amazing.

  26. Dan

    nice legs

  27. Am I the only one read, “They said Kirsten Dunst was going up and down” and thought, “On what?”

  28. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I like her dildo

  29. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    Has Billy Corgan ever come out as her brother? Resemblance is uncanny.

  30. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs to get out of daylight & back in her crypt ASAP, skin is reddening & pretty soon vampire gonna go POOF.

  31. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    someone remind me why she’s famous.

    • Kitty

      Interview with the Vampire, only reason she’s famous, because Brad Pitt kissed her when she was 12………. there ya go, Now you Know.

  32. anonym

    I would just say “who the fuck do you think you are ?”
    and get on the elevator.

    then turn around and say “you’re free to get off and take the next one if you’d like….”

  33. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    aww she looks so pretty! i’ll always see her as the little vampire though.

  34. Yeah, boobs and coffin sex. But, as far as the actual incident goes I’d like to offer a hearty “go fuck yourself” to Dunst and her people. Fucking privileged dick-runoff pieces of shit. I’m willing to overlook a lot of the celebrity bullshit that goes on. I might make fun of it or bitch about it, but in the end it rarely makes me even the least bit angry. But when people pull that “don’t you know who I am” type of crap. You’re not important, you are a person who is payed to pretend to be another person. If you don’t want to share an elevator, YOU should be the one to take the fucking stairs you self-entitled cunt.

    Ok, rant over.

  35. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She is such an amazing actress. She is also very beautiful!

  36. Scott

    Yet another Hollywood bitch who thinks her shit don’t stink.

  37. Bobu

    This first pic is the best I’ve ever see her look. Beautiful.

  38. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know why people pick on her, I think she’s pretty. Beautiful eye color and great hair!

  39. Dick trickle

    I would have punched someones teeth out.

  40. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    The pretty girl in drssees at the circus thing is all well and good well actually arty and lame but why don’t they just go ahead and give us what we all want? Namely, some really good views of Reese’s Pieces. I mean her boobies in case I was too subtle

  41. Kirsten Dunst Spirit Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks mature, non-young absolutely.

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