Here’s How Much The Iowa Caucus Doesn’t Matter
“Say ‘Our husbands both love assplay!'”
If Iowa GOP voters could truly get their way, they’d send their delegates to the RNC each year with the full intention of nominating a six foot bible holding a gun and kicking a spoonful of brand name cereal out of a welfare recipient’s mouth. But the stupid constitution says it has to be a human, so they picked Ted Cruz. Around 185,000 GOP voters showed up to caucus, which was some sort of record despite the fact that relative to the general population of America this sampling of fat, white country goo couldn’t be more irrelevant. And just to drive that point home, a diverse group of equally idiotic Americans turned out in droves for Kim Kardashian’s Twitter poll in which she asked everyone to vote for Kanye’s new album title. There was a total of 439,102 votes. If that’s not a perfect encapsulation of everything wrong with electoral politics in this country, I don’t know what is. I’m a firm believer that you get the government you deserve and at this point Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho would be too good for us, so I’m putting pics of Kim Kardashian’s naked vagina in this post just to remind our alien overlords where this shit all went wrong.