Kim Kardashian’s In A Movie About A Jewelry Heist, C’mon
“Kim, we gotta go.”
“But those people over there didn’t see my va- okay.”
If you haven’t been following our groundbreaking Kim Kardashian Is Bullshit coverage, so far we’ve discovered that the new, “more private” Kim has been filming Keeping Up With The Kardashians this whole time, which is kind of the exact opposite of being private. On top of that, the stark, minimalist house she’s been pretending to live in on Instagram as part of her simple, less materialistic life is actually Rick Rubin’s studio. And now we’ve got photos of Kim in full Kim Kardashian mode filming a cameo for Ocean’s Eight in New York, which according to Page Six, is a movie about a jewelry heist. I mean, Jesus Christ. That’s like a Jerry Sandusky victim doing a movie about football while wearing crotchless pants. And if that example seems way over the top, it probably is because I’m a terrible writer.
However, like Trump voters, Kim Kardashian fans refuse to acknowledge the ass mountain of evidence that demonstrably proves she’s full of shit so far up to her eyeballs that if she sneezed, she could fertilize Iowa, so I’m going to do the one thing Kim doesn’t want to happen here. Focus on Kendall.
Good Lord, look at that bikini body! I’d believe her if she said she lives in a house in the 1980s. (Is it working? Is Kim melting yet? I can do more.) Was she recently traumatized by a horrible event? I would totally be convinced by her emotional response and not look for ulterior motives. No, sir. (She has to be a puddle now. Brazilian plastic can’t be that strong.)