Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape Sales Increased 80% Because She’s Pregnant

January 2nd, 2013 // 33 Comments
18 Years, 18 Years
Kim Kardashian Pregnant
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“Well, now that I know Kanye West really is stupid enough to be on the hook to Kim Kardashian for the next 18 years, might as well see how he did it but in spectacular Ray J‘s Penis-vision!” said a whole bunch of people, according to TMZ:

Vivid says video-on-demand purchases of the sex tape have spiked 80% since Sunday night … the fattest increase they’ve seen since Kim’s wedding to Kris Humphries.
Further, Kanye’s been boosting biz for months now. We’re told overall sales of Kim’s sex tape — be it VOD, online, or DVD — have steadily increased every month since he and Kim hooked up last Spring.

Of course, a more likely scenario considering the golden shower was cut out (Please tell me that’s how women get pregnant, or I’m going to look really stupid.) is that Kanye is stocking up to hand these out as wedding favors because what better way to commemorate how they ended up together in the first place? I can almost see the inscription now:

THIS GOT MY DICK ALL HARD AND SHIT BANGIN OTHER WOMEN!!!!
TIL ONE DAY I THOUGHT, WHAT IF I BANGED DAT ASS FOR REAL!??!!?!

BITCH GOT PREGNANT IS WHAT HAPPENED

KIM & KANYE!!!!! – AIN’T NO KRIS HUMPHRIES JOINT!!

AUGUST 10!!, 2013!!!!!

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    “How come you never told me that fingers work…?”

  2. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    self-righteous haters
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim is petty even if she’s a trash can

  3. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sweetheart, I think you just stepped on my pride and ambition. I need that to . . . Oh, who am I kidding? I left that behind when I started dating you.”

  4. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    When did Kanye West tattoo an “E” to his penis?

  5. They should name the kid Dividend. His/her rapper name can be Lil Divvy.

    Fast-forward 17 years from now: “The troubled teen son/daughter of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian was arrested for the fifth time in West Hollywood last night under the influence of…” and so on and so forth.

    One narcissist + One narcissist = 2 narcissists and a kid whose first word is “nanny”.

  6. Schmidtler

    All the senseless gun violence in this country, and yet, none of it directed at these two. That’s the real tragedy.

  7. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    The Royal Penis
    Commented on this photo:

    How big is this ass going to get as her inner meat sack sprouts limbs?

    Any bets? Will she eclipse Jessica Simpson?

    Even better, what are the odds she ever gets back to her pre-baby shape/weight? lol….Kayne might as well have just folded his dick over and stuffed it up his own ass.

    • Snack pack

      Remember how much Beyonce’s body changed when she was “pregnant.” Expect the same thing here.

  8. JB

    And why is this relevant again ?????????

    I think I speak for many of us if I say that we could not care less about her sex tape sales stats. It does not deserve a post.

    In fact, her stardom is so artificial and irrelevant, that you should stop posting about this cow unless it is really worthwhile… like she poses topless or something.

  9. What a coincidence, Kim’s ass has “increased 80% Because She’s Pregnant” too.

    This is going to be the luckiest kid in the world. His father is an epic douchebag with a shoe fetish, and his mom is famous for sucking off a two-fister cock in a porn video.

    Nah, he probably won’t be teased.

    • What is worse is the dad made a song bragging about how the mom got famous for being a whore that made a sex tape with another man. I mean Jesus Christ, you can’t get much lower than that.

    • The Royal Penis

      It’s a psychologists wet dream….the therapy sessions will go on forever with no real cure in sight.

      Landing gay fish’s kid as a client will be like winning the lotto.

  10. Cock Dr

    I just don’t understand the fascination.
    The internet is full of much prettier cows undergoing the exact same types of insemination techniques.
    MOO

  11. zomgbie

    poor kid will be totally scarred by potty training.

  12. fart

    The Romans had big orgies and shit. America watches this Babylonian whore eat shit off of an African dong. The more things change the more things stay the same. Are they like the nastier version of Bey and Jay-z? Give me the Beatles or Led Zep or anything but this ghetto sewage.

  13. Moo Cow Hunter

    - Mom, how was I born?
    - Aww, son. It was a beautiful night. We were sitting on the terrace on a warm summer evening. The stars were twinkling. Your father brought out some great wine. I looked at him and whispered softly: Kanye, my sex tape sales are down. We have to do something!… Nine months later you were born. It was a miracle.

  14. richie

    who buys porn (or what attempts to pass for porn) anymore?!

  15. Remember this blind item about Kim from 2011? It appears it is coming true. It’s disgusting that she is dragging a baby into this. She is no better than those girls on “16 and Pregnant”
    ——————————————————————————
    “Why would someone get married simply to get divorced? Money. Fame. Her romances make the front page of every tabloid, and her weddings will make more money than they cost. Since she has no discernible talent, she will use what she has to make and stay in the headlines. She believes that a rotating door of romances and grooms will keep her in the spotlight long after most stars burn out. When you have such lofty ambitions, it helps to have lofty goals. Her close family and friends know about these goals (although many of them don’t approve). What are those goals? 1. Babies with more than one wealthy baby daddy. 2. More marriages than Elizabeth Taylor.”

  16. anonym

    That face…….. I keep seeing Kris Jenner.

    freaky shit

  17. Lola

    This cow is going to blow up and be as big as the Goodyear blimp. She isn’t going to fare well afterwards either. Short, dumpy and fat. Good thing her boo can afford a total body overhaul cuz her jugs are gonna be hanging down to her knees!

  18. That slut ain’t even divorced from Chris Humphries and she is already pregnant with that closeted rapper’s baby. Nasty.
    I wonder how much Kanye paid her to be his beard with a baby in the oven.

  19. Yup

    Now, I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger…

  20. fart

    I’d like to crap on her tits while her twat bbby daddy watches.

  21. I loved that inscription, but it didn’t have enough exclamation marks.

  22. I had a brainstorm on naming the little bastard. The name is appropriate regardless of whether it’s a little boy or a little girl…we combine the names of Mommy and Daddy and we end up with:
    BONEHEAD WEST-KARDASHIAN…
    No?
    How about DUMBFUCK WEST-KARDASHIAN?

  23. IAintKayne

    I’m surprised she got pregnant. Her ass is so fat, it’s like humping a bean bag.

  24. Kim Kardashian See Through Dress Kanye West NYE Party 1 Oak Nightclub
    Commented on this photo:

    nice dre/ass

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