‘Please Be Quiet Around My Tits And My Baby. My Tits And My Baby Need Silence.’

Because Kim Kardsashian is a vacuous leather couch who demands constant attention, she wheeled her supposedly sleeping baby (and see-through tits) through LAX instead of sending it ahead with the nanny who nobody would’ve recognized and could’ve easily got the kid in a car. Except the paparazzi that Kris Jenner called in advance were promised Kim with North West for their cooperation which is why she felt extremely comfortable demanding silence in one of the busiest goddamn airports in America. Except here’s the amazing part: They actually listened. Because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t get the next call, and they know for a fact complete fucking idiots will gladly pay for pics of Kim’s- GODDAMMIT! Alright, new plan: When they find my body at the shooting range in a hour, tell them I had a wife and Leonardo DiCaprio banged her. It’ll be funny, trust me. *searches for keys*

Photos: Splash News