Khloe Kardashian’s Not One of Them!

September 8th, 2010 // 112 Comments

Seen here proving she does shop in the maternity section, Khloe Kardashian is allegedly the result of an affair between Kris Jenner and another man thus making Khloe not a real Kardashian like everyone with a set of eyes always suspected. (For those of you keeping score at home, that’s two theories confirmed in two sentences. BOOMSHAKALAKA.) Then again, the source of this information is Scott Disick, the controversial boyfriend of Kourtney Kardashian and noted sweater-around-the-neck wearer which makes his credibility suspect because you can’t trust those people outside of conversations involving yachts. InTouch Weekly reports:

Fed up with the Kardashian clan — especially Kris — Scott has been mulling a lucrative offer to write a scathing tell-all about the family. “He has vowed not to sell out Kourtney personally, but he doesn’t mind talking about the rest of the family,” the insider shares, adding that these days, “he really can’t stand to be in the same room with Kris.” Desperate to be free of Kourtney’s mom’s “controlling” ways but eager to stay in the limelight, Scott is thinking that writing a tell-all could solve all of his problems. “He wants to break away from the Kardashian brand and do his own thing,” the insider explains.

Despite all those things I said before for comedic effect, I’m actually on board with this accusation. (Also, I think I found the father here.) I mean, c’mon, just look at this promo shot for the Kardashian’s swimwear line. Even after 85 tons of airbrushing, they still shoved Khloe as far to the left as possible so people would stop thinking it’s an ad for wrestling. “So, are those chicks like the big dude’s groupies? Or do they just set up tables and shit for him to fall into? I’m confused, but mostly want to have sex with the little one if we’re strictly talking dominant themes here.”

Photos: Splash News

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  1. meat

    First bitches.

    More like Kris Jenner had an affair with a horse

    • meat

      9 out of 10 women in that Clan prefer horse cock. Its a proven fact.

    • It wasn’t a horse, it was a Yetty she boned…

      • Randal(l)

        You couldn’t possibly be any more wrong, She is clearly the offspring of the Cthulhu

      • Drew

        You dare insult the Great Old One of extreme horror to Khlo…. oh I see where you’re going with this. Well played Randal.

    • No Randal, That is your mother…

    • zoeygirl

      We care about this why??? Oh my God, can these wanna be celebs please go away, please? They have no talent and don’t even really look great. All of these kardashian and snookis and useless, talentless hoes need to go back to the club they came from. Glorified strippers who don’t even look as good as real strippers.

    • matt

      kris jenner got a time machine that went back to a long time ago and a galaxy far far away and got pumped full of chewbacca’s semen demons

      • For Limp Dick Matt

        Your mother probably got screwed by Chewbacca you moron. Get a life. Why do people constantly bash this girl? becasue she is bigger in size than her sisters? Why does looks matter so much? What about the character of a person? Your priorities are so messed up. You are prpbably a pimply faced wanna be actor who is looking for attention. Go drink Lanate you loser !!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Annoyed

        @For Limp Dick Matt AMEN! I’m so sick of people bashing on Khloe for being bigger than her sisters. First of all, unlike her two midget sisters she’s like 5’9 so obviously her frame is going to be bigger (unless you’re an anorexic runway model). Give her a fckin break. She’s a gorgeous woman who’s probably a thousand times more beautiful than these catty b!tches posting on here combined. STOP DRINKING THE HATERAID!

      • Lauren

        get a life matt and she may not be gorgeous but she’s more real than her whole family put together.

  2. Fumus

    frrrisstt

  3. jay

    this bunch has brought WAY too much attention to themselves for this not to come out. I wish they would ALL go away.

  4. Khloe Kardashian
    BIggityBamSon
    Commented on this photo:

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    (on this Page)

  5. Vito

    I don’t really give a shit if Kris Jenner fucked some other guy a quarter of a century ago. And personally, I have alway thought Khloe to be very attractive. In fact, all of the Kardashian girls are physically beautiful.

    However, having never met or chatted with them, I can only surmise via public opinion that they must be incredibly arrogant, self-centered pains in the ass.

    • Bunny

      Vito, I think all three of the girls are gorgeous too. Any dude here would dump whatever wife/girlfriend/gaybuddy to get the chance to tag Khloe. It gets remotely tiresome to hear otherwise.

      • It had to be said

        That’s hilarious. Khloe is not, repeat, not beautiful. I would not dump a load of poop to tag Khloe. The other two . . . that’s a different conversation.

    • R T

      hahahah with makeup she looks horrible..without she looks like rosie o donald and a fat pig Fed

    • Jillia

      As much as I despise them, I agree, they’re not a bad looking bunch. Kim is only hotter than Kourtney because Kourtney sometimes has that monkey face going on. Kloe is not bad looking at all, but yes, next to her tiny hot sisters, she looks worse than she is. She’s probably a good 8-9 inches taller than them, so naturally she has a bigger build.

      I guess I kind of feel for her because I myself am 5’8″ (140 lbs.) and alot of my good friends happen to be 5’2″ and under. I like the way I look, don’t get me wrong, but it’s hard not to feel a little oafy around the midgets sometimes.

  6. amy

    Big Mixx is the FATHER!!!!! Priceless.

  7. That makes sense. Khloe was blonde as a kid. She dyes her hair dark. What kind of Armenian has blonde hair?

    • Portinari

      Really? Because a close friend of mine has three Armenian grandparents and her hair is red and curly.

      Also blondes usually darken with age.

  8. Rena

    Did Scott really say that? Because he doesn’t allude to it in the paragraph you snipped? I wonder if this is just more BS designed to push their products like Perfect Skin.

  9. The real question is: does she now, or has she ever had a penis? Seriously, it would appear that she’s one lip waxing away from Tom Selleck. No offense to Mr. Selleck.

  10. Who hasn’t fucked a Yeti on Spring Break?

    Kris likes the Jagermeister……..

    .

  11. darth vader is her faaatherr…. except..didnt kong already take a dna test in the first or 2nd season to establish her parents, or was that only maternal/mitocondrial dna

  12. Khloe Kardashian
    arg!
    Commented on this photo:

    photoshop. loves it loves it!

  13. Willy Wonka

    *tuning….*
    One of these things is not like the other…
    One of these things just isn’t the same!

  14. captain crunch

    but who gives a shit…
    they are irrelevant & not very attractive nor talented in any way; why the fuck this whole group keeps getting attention & coverage?

    • CJ

      And yet you read and responded to the article. They get attention because people read about and watch them! Supply and demand. Simple as that.

  15. Racer X

    Superficial staff writer, English motherfucker! Do you speak it?

  16. Khloe Kardashian
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    Kris must have fucked an ape.

  17. Khloe Kardashian
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    Rosie O’Donnell?

  18. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Fish reports straight from the UFC (ugly fat clueless) contension.

  19. dude

    that there is a got dam succubus

  20. Doc Schweinstrudel

    convention*

  21. dude

    Fail Whale!

  22. fap

    Err, that just looks like some fat chick with too much makeup on. Oh wait, it IS just some fat chick with too much makeup on.

  23. L

    She had an affair with Chewbaka. It all makes sense now.

    • dude

      HaHa! She’s a Wookie fucker! Kim probably let Chewie urinate all over her when he was done with Khloe. Then Jabba the Hut got a turn with all of them (after he told them he was all pro quarterback on Tattooine).

  24. girl who likes it in da butt

    big mixx lol!

  25. Khloe Kardashian
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Gosh what a completely organic, natural photo of the girls as they really look.

  26. Khloe Kardashian
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    How do you type that sound Chewbacca makes when he opens his mouth?

  27. McFeely Smackup

    that chick behind her has a utility belt pulled WAY up under her boobs. WTF?

    • fap

      Probably carrying the emergency ampoules of elephant tranquilliser needed to take this beast down should it turn on the other handlers.

  28. Bruce Jenner

    I’m surprised this “gold digging fame-whore” (kris) didn’t make a sex tape to sell w/the big foot she fucked to produce the beast known as khloe. orrr maybe she did but everyone thought it was another hoax…thats where kim musta got the idea….
    family of pigs..they must be proud…

  29. Khloe Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Not a fuckin chance !

  30. Khloe Kardashian
    Commented on this photo:

    Props to the guy who placed Khloe’s head on that body with great precision though ! You sir, are an ARTIST !

  31. girl who likes it in da butt

    probably why the husband divorced her.

  32. Bunny

    Bullshit.

    In Touch Weekly is known to have the worst accuracy in the business. She looks a ton like the late Kardashian, even more so that the other girls. Funny writing but zero fucking truth Fish.

  33. It must suck to be the guy that got stuck with the fat sister !! Here you are, sitting a matter of inches of away from the two hot sisters and all you have to grab onto that night is a set of rolls. I’d get the other two drink, bang the shit out of them and use that as my way out of the relationship. It’s called going out in style….

    • It had to be said

      Dumbass. Lamar Odom is stuck with the fat one. This is the Baby Daddy for the cute one who is not obviously a whore (a.k.a. Kourtney).

      • What the fuck are you talking about asshole? I wasn’t talking about Scott, I was talking this chick’s guy, not the one mentioned in the post. Read my post closer next time dumb fuck !

  34. There’s no way you can fix that ! No matter how much makeup, designer clothes, perfume, cars, boats, houses , whatever ! There’s nothing you can do !

  35. Khloe Kardashian
    Id
    Commented on this photo:

    Man Face.

  36. Khloe Kardashian
    Elena
    Commented on this photo:

    The other sisters are like less hot version of Kim. Do you think they know it?

    • CUDZIE

      I don’t agree at all! Kourtney sizzles!

      • sexy

        Sike Khloe is one sexy bitch her personality is fucken bomb!
        anyone could be kim . um hi im kim i like my car and i do nude pics but act like i dont like it :). Dont get me wrong i love all of them! but it pisses me off when people make fun of klhoe like i dont get it at all when she actully has a funny personality and is BAM! she has a way bigger ass then kim to fyi if you watch their show you can see it and its like oh damn!!

      • Manda

        I think Khloe is the cutest I love her personality and she’s just so damn adorable. She’s beautiful just the way she is! xoxo love you Khloe!

  37. Jenna

    Just going on record to say that I actually think Khloe is pretty.

    • Amanda

      She is pretty. These people on here are probably at home sitting on their fat asses eating junk and getting off on making fun of someone who looks a million times better than they do.

      • splashsos

        I agree. Khloe is NOT ugly. She is a just a tall girl and b/c of that she is bigger. I’m glad all these internet nerds like to pretend that they are banging hot chicks when in reality IF they are getting laid it’s by a chick who is 300+ with a beard and a mustache. And belly, tit, and back fat cheese. They wouldn’t have a chance w/ Khloe with their 4 angry inches.

  38. josh

    Ho my god, what an ugly cow :-(

    • For Josh

      I bet your mother is probably an ugly cow that bread with a horse and produced you a “corse” LOL. Get a life and stop bashing others

  39. Fishstix

    Logically I want to say, “She looks like Robert Kardashian had an affair with his mother and she bore him this child. How can she not be his?”, but the part of me that hates the Kardashians wants to point and laugh at her and say that she doesn’t know who her daddy is.

  40. Melissa

    Look, everyone knows that Khloe shares the same father as her brother Chyna, and they may or may not be the same person.

    http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web02/2009/3/7/22/are-khloe-kardashian-and-chyna-the-same-9890-1236484368-31.jpg

  41. PixelPing

    I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again.

    Kris Jenner is a dirty little whore, anyone who lives in L.A. knows the rumors.

    This chick makes Danielle Staub look like a nun.

    Bruce Jenner is such a naive asswipe, his wife has probably slept with 10 other men since they got married.

  42. Jesse

    Kendall jenner is growing up to look just like Khloe, I think Kris had an affair with Bruce in Nov ’83 months before his divorce from Linda Thompson in ’84

  43. Not one of “them”? Hell, IT isn’t even one of us!

  44. Khloe Kardashian
    Woodcock
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are the kardashians posing with a shaved yeti?

  45. Khloe Kardashian
    jesse
    Commented on this photo:

    look at these dominatrix monkeys.. o soo classy..

  46. Khloe Kardashian
    KJ
    Commented on this photo:

    The things i’d do to Kim…. I’d practice on the others first so I didn’t make a full of myself! They are like stunt doubles.

  47. XYZ

    Irrelevant indeed but she looks like shes the sister/daughter of the hermaphrodite wrestler CHYNA (JOAN MARIE LAURER).

  48. captain america

    yep, that’s why: GET LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. Khloe Kardashian
    Erik the Red
    Commented on this photo:

    I love that they photoshop the big one so she looks like she’s the height of the other two.

    Like we really don’t know.

  50. Khloe Kardashian
    Vladimir
    Commented on this photo:

    Teh Photoshop skills are strong with this one….

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