Khloe Kardashian Made A Sex Tape?! Get Me The President

The Kardashians have more fucking money than Jesus and Scientology wrapped together and dipped in gold, yet that still doesn’t stop them from whoring the shit out of themselves day after day because here’s Khloe Kardashian shamelessly promoting her new show Kocktails With Khloe by using the oldest trick in the book. Mostly because it works thanks to lazy, Internet buttcaps like myself who kneel before the altar of SEO and don’t care if this world burns around them as long as they don’t have to wear pants or commute to work. I’ll bathe you all in fire before that happens. FIRE. Us Weekly reports:

One viewer called in to ask about Khloé’s sister Kim Kardashian’s sex tape history, and Cohen couldn’t resist asking Khloé if she had ever made one of her own.
I’ve definitely recorded myself having sex with my ex husband,” the jumpsuit-clad TV star replied. “But not like, talking to camera. You remember those little cameras, little video cameras, that was my jam for a moment,” she admitted.
“I hope you still have them,” Cohen said to his guest.
“I do,” she replied, grinning. “In my safe.”

Of course, I already knew Khloe had a sex tape, and here’s why:

Kris Jenner owns a gun.

What the hell else do you think she was doing with that thing? Fighting off home intruders or the federal government? That shit doesn’t happen in real life. Kardashian sex tapes, on the other hand? It’s a goddamn miracle you didn’t trip over five of them on your way to this post. I don’t know how you did it.

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Photos: AKM-GSI