Kevin Federline Has 5 Kids Now

August 17th, 2011 // 49 Comments

Fffft, yup. We’re gonna have us a good ol’ family. Alright, babe, they get mad if those dishes stack up. Pick me up at 8?”

Kevin Federline‘s girlfriend Victoria Prince has reportedly birthed his fifth child, a daughter Jordan Kay, according to People, and I can’t even tell you how much money I’d pay to hear him ask Britney Spears for money. But it’s $20, and he’d be a smart lad to take it.

KFED: So, Brit, I got another mouth to feed and was kinda hoping you’d float me a raise.
BRITNEY: Man, them big ol’ potato chips, man, fryin’ up that chicken, telling me, man, ain’t got no mashed ‘tatoes, man.
KFED: *sigh* You’re gonna me ask your dad, aren’t you?
BRITNEY: Man, I’m tellin’ you, man, put that ol’ caramel sauce on there, man. Man, I ain’t no soy latte.
KFED: Goddammit…
BRITNEY: Rocky fuckin’ road, man, rocky fuckin’ road. — An’ Chunky Monkey.

Photo: Pacific Coast News


  1. How many of them did he eat?

    • Randal

      The days of Kevin dominating the hip-hop scene has obviously been replaced by a more mature family man. Kevin’s celebrity status helped bring Britney Spears back into the spotlight but only for a short while as she still had a strong and will drive to focus on her career.

      Kevin is the only reason their children remain fed. A long standing applause for you my good man for sticking to your responsibilities.


      • TomFrank

        Randal, I don’t know what you’re smoking, but I’d like to try some of it myself.

      • Let’s see how well he does when the Spears alimony checks dry up.

      • dcar205

        Dear Jesus, someone actually admires Kevin!! He makes his
        living using women. He would not have a dime without Britney.
        He used her so bad, taking videos when she was obviously out
        of it, etc. He looks like a toad in those damn knee knockers!!
        The very thought of having sex with him, much less having his
        baby makes me sick but there some desperate women out

      • Brooke

        Meh, it’s an imposter Randal. The real Randal curled p next to Heidi Montags dead body and followed her into the grave. She died, right?

  2. me

    he’s looking for his next sperm bank

  3. toby

    ATTENTION WOMEN OF EARTH: Stop having sex with Kevin Federline. That is all.

  4. whoa i thot he was bangin scarjo there for a sec

  5. Daisy Mo

    Does he have a job? Seems to me that he has to much time on his hands.

  6. I love how Britney sounds like a cross between Boomhauer and Matthew McConaughey.

  7. ahhemmmm

    You forgot Chubby (EX) Hubby flavor, Fish. That ones the most fitting in this scenario.

  8. it had to be said

    I admire Federline’s ability to keep getting laid by women he doesn’t pay.


    Weird Al: “And what’s the F stand for? Failure?”

  10. Schmidtler

    really, no ‘idiocracy’ comments? you all realize we’re totally fucked, right?

    • As the 21st century began, human evolution was at a turning point. Natural selection, the process by which the strongest, the smartest, the fastest, reproduced in greater numbers than the rest, a process which had once favored the noblest traits of man, now began to favor different traits. Most science fiction of the day predicted a future that was more civilized and more intelligent. But as time went on, things seemed to be heading in the opposite direction. A dumbing down. How did this happen? Evolution does not necessarily reward intelligence. With no natural predators to thin the herd, it began to simply reward those who reproduced the most, and left the intelligent to become an endangered species.

  11. Cock Dr

    This is not good news for the future of the human species.

  12. PoorMaryKelly

    In other words Britney has 5 kids now. This baby’s mama is just as big of a scrub as Kevin. I feel bad for all these kids but as far as Britney’s concerned, it’s another mouth for her to feed.

  13. Time to upgrade to a double wide.

  14. Barry

    Gotta hand it to him, he married Brit and got a ton of money, but stop having kids, they will eat up cash…dumb ass..

  15. wtf

    Can someone tell him to stop buying pants made for overweight little people? What a difference a pair of full length pants and a better pair of shoes would make on that dude. Oh, and ditch the ball cap. What a bunch of slobs.

  16. Venom

    Yeah, regular guys have no chance of getting A list celebrity women, no chance….

  17. DerrickV8

    He’s wearing Humpty Dumpty’s Dockers®. What a wannabe douche. Britney totally deserved him, along with all the other garbage he porks.

  18. I had heard that there was another “Pregnant Dude” in the works.
    Now to see that Kevin is pregnant with quints… What blessings!

  19. Bilvis

    When did they make a new Clerks movie?

  20. ghost

    I can’t decide if this fat sack of crap is a genius or the luckiest bastard who ever lived.

  21. Dick Douche, Private Eye

    You have to hand it to the man, he is a True American Genius. Five kids, and he doesn’t support a single one! 70 pounds overweight, smoking a cigarette, he will be dead of a heart attack at 40 and he will still WIN because his seed has made it to the next generation, outnumbering the average American male’s genetic contribution by 2 to 1. And he doesn’t support a single one! Malthus was right.
    Welcome back, Randal!

  22. forrest gump

    I wonder: when will his body explode of FATNESS?

  23. Kevin Federline Fat Pregnant Girlfriend Victoria Prince New Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks very happy for her future.

  24. trojanmustang

    Were you intentionally making her sound like Boomhaur (sp?) from “King of the Hill”? Because that’s how I immediately read it.

  25. Yikers

    Ugh, poor humanity.

    Was anyone else reading the Britney Spears lines in the voice of that Boomhauer guy from King of the Hill?

  26. Yikers

    Shit, I didn’t read the last comment before posting. Nice.

  27. Wootang

    If there are any women on here who have gotten knocked up by a dude who has two other baby mamas, can you please explain to me how they convinced you to have unprotected sex? If only he could put his powers of persuation to good use…

  28. Kevin Federline Fat Pregnant Girlfriend Victoria Prince New Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    i HATE kevin federline. he makes me want to puke. he is VILE.

  29. dontlooknow

    Wow, I didn’t even know he was pregnant! Looks it, though….

  30. Brooke

    It’s like he has radar that picks up any woman who will say “okay, but only if you promise to pull out in time.”

  31. Kevin Federline Fat Pregnant Girlfriend Victoria Prince New Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    Sixth on the way I see.

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  33. Kevin Federline Fat Pregnant Girlfriend Victoria Prince New Baby
    Commented on this photo:

    he still has that cute face and make’s cute baby’s

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