Kelly Brook likes to torture Billy Zane

January 3rd, 2008 // 89 Comments

Kelly Brook put on a new bikini and enjoyed some more of her St. Barts vacation with boyfriend Billy Zane yesterday. But apparently Kelly’s idea of a good time is cramming sand down Billy’s crotch, according to the Daily Mail:

Instead it was all good clean fun as Kelly took great delight shoving handfuls of wet sand inside Billy’s loose-fitting swimming shorts while he looked on somewhat bemused.

If I were Billy Zane, I’d look on bemusingly as well, if that were a word. By all normal laws of science he should be cleaning shoes at the bowling alley. Instead he’s got a busty British actress girlfriend that, yeah, maybe puts sand on his nads. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Very itchy sacrifices that will totally chafe afterwards. I should know. I dated a sandcastle artist once. My taint still feels like the Sahara.


  1. joeypants

    She’s fat.

  2. Sophie

    You’re crazy

  3. lola

    I think she looks good, but I hate the high-cut swimsuits she wears….very Spring Break ’85…

  4. otravez


  5. joeypants

    More pics of Christina Milian would have been better.

  6. Greg

    All the 13 year old flat chested ballerina chicks need to go back to their anorexic forums. This is what a real woman looks like, I’d fuck this chick over Tara Reid’s boney ass any day!

  7. minniememe

    um, didn’t we already see these two on the beach? he needs to shave his head or wear a cap. and lose a few pounds. and thank his lucky stars he has this as a girlfriend.

  8. #3,
    I love her bikinis, so pretty and feminine.

  9. ipanema_girl

    did the Fishster gulp down the brit post? wtf?

    on topic: pale bitch has no muscle tone whatsoever. not a good thing on anybody. gross.

  10. morga

    she’s not fat….look at her tummy

    she just has really curvy hips

  11. chenush

    I think she looks great. and im a girl. (hetrosexual)

  12. Bob

    In pic #5, she looks just like my Mother, yummy.

  13. Doug

    She does look kinda wide

  14. salopia

    Also a heterosexual female, i think she has a great body. This is normal, the skinny rakes we normally see in bikinis are freakishly skinny. Also her dad died a few weeks back so perhaps hitting the gym was put on the back burner over christmas.

  15. Starchasm

    I think she looks great. Unfortunate taste in swimsuits, but nice body. (I do think Christina Millian is hotter, though).

    Chubby bald Billy Zane should thank his lucky stars someone that cute is willing to stick her hand down his pants for any purpose whatsoever.

  16. martha

    i love the curves. honestly, ‘too fat’ and ‘too skinny’ are extremes. anything in between is a-okay.

  17. Tara Reid (Sensei & Master Slut)

    Fish, “By all normal laws of science he should be cleaning shoes at the bowling alley”, that was brilliant and makes up for you posting this dumbass non-story. And to #15, thanks for the update about her father. Electra sure looks like she’s in mourning.

  18. GEEZ. She needs an emergency bikini makeover, or just wear more clothes or something.

    I was ignorant to Christina Millian until she was pictured here, but I pledge to follow the divine light of Christina Millian from now on. Until she gets fat.

  19. WTF happened to Billy Zane??? He used to be cute, but now he looks like Uncle Frank..

  20. That bikini looks like a yankee diaper

  21. Reggie Bush

    Shes fucking gorgeous.

  22. huzzah! god damn. i’m not straight, i’m a total pussy chaser and that woman is fiiiiine.

  23. Sophie

    Let’s go have a drink with Uncle Frank and tell his girlfriend to go mourn with her family

  24. Ted from LA

    That would be an odd-looking sexual encounter. Would you do anything else with Tara Reid other than use her as a bed while you play push-push with Kelly Brooke?

  25. Ted from LA

    Here, Kity, Kity, Kity…

  26. Conscience Found

    jiffy pop

  27. Now this is a funny bikini pic……..,,20168983_11,00.html

  28. lucy lou

    you are CRAZY.. She is far from FAT.

  29. will

    I’m sorry, she has a cute face and an ok upper body, but her lower body is gross to me. It’s not nec fat, just so badly shaped!

  30. gotmilk?

    7, i’m confused, who needs to lose a few pounds? bitch needs to tone up. she has some serious blow up potential going on here.

    kind of looks like anne hathaway in the face and that’s not a good thing.

  31. stephanie

    For people who think she looks too big below her waste, I am pretty sure you’d have a different opinion (at least a slightly better opinion) if she’d stop wearing those types of bikini bottoms. She looks great!

  32. JustSaying

    #5 is right. We need more Christina Milian pictures. Kelly’s ok but Christina is awesome.

  33. yukadoozer

    those floucy, bow tied, hip wranglers make her look old. And Obnoxious. And cheesy. Like that homely girl in highschool who got a figure in college and showed up at the 10 year shaking everything.

  34. henry

    now that is what a woman is supposed to look like! the full body pic of her looks so fucking good…perfect curvey hips and perfectly sized breasts…i want her to sit on my face for at least two hours.

  35. Elk

    I’m trying to think of a good response to all the people calling her fat, but I can’t think of a good response to something so retarded.

  36. Testing

    this is a test

  37. Adam

    If you think she’s fat, please kill yourself. The world would be better off with one less complete failure.

  38. FRT

    Billy fucking Zane!! What crack den did he crawl out of! Holy shit…I didn’t even know he was still on planet earth! For the first million dollar trivia question of 2008…can anyone remember what his last movie was…????

    No I didn’t think so!

  39. billy

    If you are a man and you think this chick is fat, you are without a doubt homosexual. Not that their’s anything wrong with that, but just admit it. Women are supposed to have curves. If you are into chicks like Nicole Ritchie or Keira Knightly you are gay, because they look like teenage boys. end of discussion.

  40. me

    She hit the wall.. whoever she is.

  41. I would motorboat the fuck out of this ho…………

  42. #39, he has 6 movies coming out this year!!!!!!! Pretty fuckin good crack den, I’d say!

    I just keep wondering WHY???

  43. FRT

    Hey First…would those be porn movies…or “B” movies…?

    Actually…Kelly has what is called “baby-maker hips”…that bitch could spit out 8 kids and not even blink an eye-lid!


    Not that I want to give Billy any ideas now.

  44. I cheated, cuz I googled it..

  45. PORN??? God I hope so…there’s just never enough porn in the world..

  46. Also FART, frist of all, my name is FRIST!!! , not first. I’ve never been first at anything except maybe first to pass out at a party..

  47. be honest……………………………………………………………………………………..WHO NOT?

  48. Sandy

    You know what Billy might think is more fun? Kelly doing some fucking situps.

  49. jason

    i don’t think she is beautiful, but many friends from said she is good. for god sake i don’t know the reason, but i think they are reasonable for i know they are picky. you know it is a site where rich women can seek young cute men and men can find extramarital affairs….and they are beautiful and charming….

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