Kelly Clarkson Is Forcing Her Husband To Put A Baby In Her By Christmas

October 31st, 2013 // 26 Comments
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In a new interview with Valentine In The Morning, the recently married Kelly Clarkson made it clear that she’s forcing her husband to repeatedly have sex with her so she’s pregnant for Christmas which probably explains the lifeless expression on his face above as he nonchalantly steps into traffic. Via People:

“I want babies!” Clarkson, 31, said during a radio interview with Valentine in the Morning on Wednesday. “Everybody keeps saying, ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ And I’m like, ‘I want to be pregnant.’ “
And naturally, her hubby Brandon Blackstock is “excited about all the [baby-making] practice,” the former American Idol winner added, explaining that she wants to pop out two little ones who are “around the same age.”

When reached for comment, Brandon Blackstock said he assumed the weight loss would be over after the wedding, but had no idea it would involve chaining a man to a bed and pumping him full of Viagra and ecstasy. Also, something about calling the police, but I honestly stopped paying attention once I realized I had no business being in that room and could see a man’s penis. This was a mistake.



  1. joe

    Wait. She likes dudes?

  2. I’d be happy to put one in her.

  3. cc

    The purple peter eater.

  4. That’s what he gets for marrying her. You start talking about babies and I’m out the fucking door. Btw, enjoy all the sex you’re getting now dude, because once she’s made all the babies she wants those legs will close forever.

    • PJ Bandit

      It’s like you’re reading my mind. *puts on tinfoil hat, looks around concerned*

    • cc

      Heed his words…that’s true of 90% of marriages I think. It’s like having a Ferrari and losing your keys…you still have the Ferrari but it doesn’t mean much when you can’t drive it.

  5. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    Sperms! Ready your Whiskey and drink hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell!

  6. Rico Jones

    Dude should divorce her now and move on before kids come into the picture. This is how fat she is pre babies? Does this guy think she’ll get skinnier once she is pregnant?

  7. Urbanspaceman

    If she wants “pop out two little ones who are “around the same age” then why doesn’t she do what most other celebutard moms do and go to a clinic where they can guarantee twins?

  8. God help him….could you imagine the stalling he does before they go to bed hoping she will fall asleep?

    ” Ya coming to bed, darlin’? My sugar high from this gallon of Peanut Butter Ripple is starting to wear off…..RAWRrrrrrr.”

    (looks around frantically, picks up shaving cream can and slams into bathroom floor)

    *BAM* “Holy..holy shit! This can just exploded, the bathroom is covered in this shit! I gotta, I gotta clean this up, its a mess!”
    (locks door, starts systematically cutting himself with razor)

  9. JC

    “…explaining that she wants to pop out two little ones who are ‘around the same age.’”

    I see she’s interested in the Duggar family planning method, i.e., force the hubby to start firing rounds in her the moment the placenta hits the floor.

  10. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Commented on this photo:

    (“I’m going to keep the weight off” you said….”My feet feel so much better” you said…)

  11. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Commented on this photo:

    * FART *
    “mmmm, dat reminds me of grandma’s home cooked recipe! Pig noses and grits!”

  12. So the wedding ring was her excuse to pack on 30 pounds of fat, I hope this dude knows knocking her up will be her excuse to pack on 40 more.

  13. Mr Smap Beav Sr

    talk about buying “pig in a poke”….ha ha (rim-shot!)…..ha ha again

  14. say goodbye to the svelte, trim Kelly

  15. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Commented on this photo:

    Aim for the flower and give me a baby!

  16. You mean she looks like that before getting pregnant?

  17. I don’t get it, this dude has money, why did he marry her? I could understand if it was a K-Fed situation, but once again, dude has money.

  18. EnglishTeacherAnni

    That purple dress….is that flower supposed to be a target where her husband is supposed to put it?

  19. Is Zimmerman Writing This Crap?

    She does realize that babies aren’t cakes. Right?

  20. ace11

    Typical…women get obsessed with this kind of thing as well

    Especially ones over 30

  21. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Sir Haze Nihil
    Commented on this photo:

    Wide load on the move.

  22. Kelly Clarkson Husband Brandon Blackstock Grammys Afterparty
    Motorboat Captain
    Commented on this photo:

    Of course she is. Then she’ll have an excuse.

  23. Cat's Meow

    Pregnancy is the perfect excuse to get fat. On another note, please don’t smile :(

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