Katy Perry Almost Committed Suicide Because of Russell Brand Divorce

October 1st, 2013 // 32 Comments
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In a new interview with Billboard, Katy Perry admits she contemplated suicide after her divorce from Russell Brand. And if you’re wondering if she could seriously be that stupid, in the next paragraph she calls John Mayer a genius, so yes. Yes, she could.

Elsewhere, Perry pointedly confronts her turbulent recent history. The line “You sent a text/It’s like the wind changed your mind” from “Ghost” references how Brand delivered the news he wanted a divorce. “By the Grace of God,” meanwhile, begins with Perry lying on the floor of a bathroom, fighting suicidal thoughts. “That song is evident of how tough it really was at a certain point. I asked myself, ‘Do I want to endure? Should I continue living?’” Perry says. “All the songs are real-life moments. I can only write autobiographically. I put all the evidence in the music. I tell my fans if they want to know the real truth about stuff, just listen to the songs.”

I’ll assume Katy Perry didn’t commit suicide because she remembered she’s rich and has giant breasts which is like winning the lottery after finding out you’re Jesus. You don’t give that up because a sex addict got bored with you even after you bought all those wheelchairs. There was nothing anybody could’ve done to stop that. Except maybe grow a third tit, but don’t dwell on that. Don’t dwell on that. Shh… shh…

Photos: WENN


  1. boof

    The last time I found out my Jesus, he was peeing in a mop bucket

  2. Yeah, “almost.” Tease.

  3. If anyone was contemplating suicide when that marriage ended, I wouldn’t have bet it was Katy Perry.

    • dave

      If you really believe this PR/BS I have some interests in a bridge you might like; I’m willing to sell them real cheap. I’ll even throw in some water front property near the Everglades as a bonus.

  4. And just as she was about to slash her wrist and spill her blood on the immaculately detailed master bathroom marble flooring of her historic Hollywood mansion in a final act of despair, she looked down and saw that Jesus was blocking her. Yes, the forgotten Jesus tattoo from that simpler time in her life…before she tasted the forbidden fruit of pretend kissing girls…spoke to her and told her that her life might still have purpose in spreading the message of the Grace of God, thereby returning to her her original audience. How dare you people doubt it…Jesus saves.

  5. joe

    The headline sums up her generation: lots of great ideas, but no follow-thru.

  6. Attractive women shouldn’t kill themselves.

  7. Inner Retard

    If she’s really that lonely I’m willing to fill that gaping hole in her chest. And by that I mean her cleavage.

  8. truthhurts

    She makes bad choices in men. Brand was a womanizer when she met him so what did she expect was going to happen? Currently she going out with another womanizer in john mayer.

    • She thought her heavenly body would be able to cure him of his affliction. She truly is delusional.

    • She is basically what most women are, full of shit. They complain about shitty men and claim they want certain types of men, and then they run right out and continue to date shitty men. I used to pay attention to my friends that are women’s whining when I was younger, now I just ignore their bullshit.

      • Agreed. Only recently I grasped this concept. It actually applies to men too. There are guys who have the worst girlfriends but no matter what happens the power of the vagina wins in the end. For woman its the penis but also emotional security. A lot of us are just extremely insecure.

      • Oops what I was trying to say was agreed – no point in talking to them about it. They will go back no matter what. I’ve actually lost friendships when I tried to help woman who were being physically abused because they kept going back. Just stay out of peoples relationship problems.

  9. If you’re a person who wants to know any “real truth” about Katy Perry that doesn’t involve her tits, you should shoot yourself in the head right now. Do it twice.

  10. Juano

    Complete and total bullshit. Suicidal, my ass.

    • JennywithaY

      Honestly, that’s my guess, as well.

      My father committed suicide – it’s not a fucking game. Why wasn’t “Jesus” there for him?*

      There are far less demeaning ways to get attention, Katy.

      *Answer: My dad was a Jew. :)

    • If suicide doesn’t cross your mind’s periphery a few times a day, congratulations, you are likely too dumb to be as jaded and cynical as you probably should be.

  11. Her farmer tan rivals mine.

  12. cc

    I heard she fired a shot into her head and missed her brain completely.

  13. Bane

    I’ve got to go with Brand on this one. It can’t be easy being married to someone that dresses like a cartoon character daily.

  14. If you’re stupid enough to marry a sex addict then be surprised and get suicidal when he/she inevitably leaves you, then you’re too stupid to live anyway.

  15. Katy, Katy, Katy…so sad to hear you contemplated taking the pipe. If you ever have those thoughts again, call me first. That way I can be there in time to fuck your lifeless body while it’s still warm.

  16. Mama Pinkus

    I am sympathetic towards anyone whose heartache is so severe they entertain suicidal thoughts but come on ladies, here’s some sound advice……..players are fun to hang with and fun to date but DO NOT MARRY THEM!!!

  17. 1. PR

    2. “I can only write autobiographically.” … so you really *do* feel like a plastic bag? And you really believe that plastic bags ‘want to start again’?

    There aren’t enough degrees in a circle for the amount I want to roll my eyes.

  18. If that is true then she had to have been the only one on the planet that thought that marriage would last.
    It lasted 14 months, Much longer than I would have predicted.

  19. You mean we were almost done with this talentless ball of fat? DAMN!

  20. me

    whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…… I remember back in the day when they divorced, she was the one who wanted a divorce but due to her religion she made him ask for it. what gossip am I supposed to believe? Has anyone checked out Russel lately? Man on fire. I bet he will reveal the truth!

  21. Katy Perry iTunes Festival
    Commented on this photo:

    As part of our settlement, I agreed to get a stupid fucking tattoo in a language I can’t read on my arm.

  22. anonym

    $100 million in the bank would prevent suicide.

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