Katy Perry Might Be Pregnant
“Oh, shit, they’re gonna get bigger. I’m gonna die.”
Before everyone gets excited, the rapidly spreading Katy Perry is pregnant rumor apparently all started because Orlando Bloom rubbed her stomach at the UNICEF Ball. Which is kind of a weird thing to do, but in fairness, maybe she has a third boob down there. You never know. You never know. Anyway, here’s the video via Page Six, and it sure as hell looks like a dude rubbing the belly of a woman he knocked up while silently wondering if her body will instantly snap back just like Miranda Kerr’s. What are the odds of that happening twice? he began training himself to never say out loud once or surely perish.
And because we all knew exactly where this post was headed the second it started: I FOUND THE MURDER WEAPON.