Katy Perry & John Mayer Broke Up. Again.

March 20th, 2013 // 26 Comments
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“My penis found out you’re friends with Rihanna. I’m so sorry.”

Despite, or possibly because of, all that marriage talk in Rolling Stone last month, Katy Perry and John Mayer broke up again, according to Us Weekly:

“It’s sad,” one pal tells Us, but cautions that it might not be a permanent break. “It’s not over until it’s over. You have to see how things play out.” Adds another source: “She’s leaving the window open. They have both been so focused on work.”
Indeed, Perry has been busy recording her third studio album in Los Angeles, while Mayer — on the mend following serious vocal problems and throat surgery last year — is prepping for upcoming tour dates and a live Google Hangout chat this Thursday, March 21.

Wait, wait, wait. Did that just say they broke up because John Mayer has to do a Google Hangout? I’ve honestly never done one before, but does it make real, live, awesome breasts that you can touch fly in your face while having sex? Because someone should shoot John Mayer in the teeth out of principle if it doesn’t. People like us use the Internet instead of getting laid because we’re poor and know who Superboy Prime is. That’s what it was made for, and dammit, that’s how it’s gonna be.

Photos: Getty


  1. Katy Perry Cleavage Breasts Grammys John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    if those were brains she would be a genius

  2. “Listen, I got the wheelchair lift installed in the van so we can park anywhere we want…”

  3. Katy Perry Cleavage Breasts Grammys John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    “Pssst…if you let your hair cover your boobs, then people will be forced to focus on your music. You don’t want to go down that road.”

  4. Tiggles

    This is so clearly a phony press item to promote the ‘Google Hangout’ whatever the fuck that is . . .

    • It’s just a cool place to hang out where all your conversations and interests are recorded to give you an immersive and personalized advertising experience before forwarding any and all personal information to government surveillance agencies so that it may be mined outside of any sort of privacy / domestic surveillance laws since you willing gave up said info according to the ToS you didn’t read from google.

      Or basically another net to snag you in just in case you slipped through the Facebook one.

  5. Deacon Jones

    Man, it always amuses me the men that women choose.

    Is it some form of self abuse?

    I mean, I stumbled through 4 years of college stoned and drunk 96% of the time not giving a shit about any of them, and they fell in my lap, lol

  6. Motorboat

    How could anyone break up with those tits!?!?!?

    • There are lots of reasons to break up with great tits:
      1) zero personality (also see Scarlett Johansson)
      2) crazy super religious family
      3) dead fish in the bedroom
      4) you can put your penis in other vaginas with great tits, why limit yourself to one

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

        You missed the most important one: she’s very toothy when it comes to giving BJs (even worse than her being morally against BJs).

  7. Katy Perry Cleavage Breasts Grammys John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    What a fantastic photo of her personality.

  8. Superboy Prime is awesome. He actually punched a hole in reality.

  9. elephantman

    She has big eyes.

  10. John, I understand Miley Cyrus is free, if you’re looking for a change of pace. By which I mean no hair and no tits.

  11. Katy Perry Cleavage Breasts Grammys John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    She should fame this shot, becuz I get the feeling, time will not be kind to that body.

  12. mike

    on the home page, Katy is looking up at John Hamms penis, just sayin

  13. jt

    it would a lot for me to break up with those breasts. just sayin

  14. anonym

    breakups make the makeup sex so much better.

  15. I can’t imagine he’d get bored with motorboating.

  16. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    I can understand Katy having been so focused on work, but John my-career-died-4-score-&-7-years-ago Mayer is suffering from the same problem? The only thing he needs to be working at these days is making sure his face is attached to her chest as much as possible. She aint with him cause he’s wowing any American audiences with amazing artitic output.

  17. Whyask

    AKA: Mayer heard Selena Gomez is single and wants to bang her while she’s still on the rebound.

  18. Those breasts made me forget what the fuck I was going to say. God those things are a work of art.

  19. katy perry 4ever

    gawd who honestly could break up with her? such facial symmetry beautiful eyes and ginormous boobies-not to mention the lovely pale complexion (beating off frantically now)

  20. Katy Perry Cleavage Breasts Grammys John Mayer
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice Tits, Ugly Suit

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