“My penis found out you’re friends with Rihanna. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s sad,” one pal tells Us, but cautions that it might not be a permanent break. “It’s not over until it’s over. You have to see how things play out.” Adds another source: “She’s leaving the window open. They have both been so focused on work.”
Indeed, Perry has been busy recording her third studio album in Los Angeles, while Mayer — on the mend following serious vocal problems and throat surgery last year — is prepping for upcoming tour dates and a live Google Hangout chat this Thursday, March 21.
Wait, wait, wait. Did that just say they broke up because John Mayer has to do a Google Hangout? I’ve honestly never done one before, but does it make real, live, awesome breasts that you can touch fly in your face while having sex? Because someone should shoot John Mayer in the teeth out of principle if it doesn’t. People like us use the Internet instead of getting laid because we’re poor and know who Superboy Prime is. That’s what it was made for, and dammit, that’s how it’s gonna be.