Katy Perry & John Mayer Got Back Together Already

“Not on my watch!” – Lex Luthor

When we last left Katy Perry and John Mayer, word was out that he dumped her over email which made total sense because John Mayer’s a douche. Turns out, Katy likes being used as an easily-discarded penis-punching bag because the two were spotted at a music festival together over the weekend, and now here they are out for dinner last night. That, or she’s really dumb and was fooled by the haircut. “Wow, Mohn Jayer, you’re nothing like my last boyfriend.” *gets a text* “‘Dear Katy, it’s over.’ You’re breaking up with me?! But we just had se- oh, goddammit.”