How Does Hillary Keep Beating Bernie Sanders? I Have A Theory

Much to the chagrin of petulant assholes who are essentially willing to burn the country down because Bernie Sanders didn’t magically alight to the Democratic nomination and immediately start spraying free college out of his face, Hillary Clinton has actually been winning states. And it’s pretty easy to explain how she’s doing it without selling you some establishment lie, man, that people showed up and chose to vote for her by way of a democratic process. It’s boobs. Katy Perry’s boobs. That, or Hillary Clinton just likes having them around because remember this?

christina aguilera boobs hillary clinton

Bernie Sanders wouldn’t even know what to do this. And neither would Trump because Christina Aguilera didn’t come to America through a mail-order bride catalog. She knows nothing of Mother Russia…

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Photos: AKM-GSI