Katie Holmes + Tom Cruise = Trial separation 4ever

April 17th, 2008 // 86 Comments

Katie Holmes wants to move to New York City with Suri – but not Tom. She’s been offered a role in the Broadway revival of All My Sons and doesn’t want Tom ass-raping her theater career like he did with her film career. Star reports:

“She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” an insider tells Star. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”
Further, the couple’s tug of war over their daughter has intensified as of late.
“Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri,” says an insider. “He has a lot of rules, and there’s conflict.”

The Superficial has obtained some of Tom’s rules for Suri. Many Bothans died bringing us this information. God, they suck at espionage…:

1. Hugs require an E-meter reading of Clear. After that it’s $1,000 for a hug and an additional $500 for a “How’s daddy little girl?” An “I love you” is $750. No personal checks.

2. When Uncle John calls, tell him Daddy is in the shower watching Battlefield Earth. Promptly let him in upon his arrival. He’ll be in a hurry.

3. Please stay within 100 yards of Daddy. Otherwise the bomb I inserted at birth will go off. Because he hearts his little L. Ron clone-princess! Smooches!


  1. 1-800-SAFEPLACE

    That girl needs to call a DV hotline.

  2. IFuckingHateYou

    RUN KATIE, RUN………………..

  3. Rebecca

    Weird people

  4. mimi

    Get GOD back into your life KATIE and the THETANS will leave you alone!

  5. LL

    Man, Scientology sounds like the perfect religion for two types of people: a) nightmarish control freaks who live to command others and b) people too dumb and spineless to make their own decisions. They kinda deserve each other, I don’t really feel bad for them.

    Gotta wonder what Katie Holmes thought was gonna happen when a dude 20 years older than her who’s already been married and divorced twice decided to sweep her off her feet. Generally, when people get divorced a lot, there’s a reason for it.

  6. What the deuce??

    Mrs.Reindeer is ON acid this morning.

  7. Mo

    She knew what she was getting into.

  8. Kat

    Anyone else feel bad for Suri? That child is going to be messed up big time when she grows up thanks to Tom Cruise…can anyone imagine growing up in Scientology?

  9. Barkingrex

    Katie, the pope is in the country and will be in New York tomorrow. Now is your chance! There is now way Thetans can battle the pope.

  10. Kate

    I felt bad at first, but the sympathy has long since passed. Fuck her and Tom Cruise. He looks like a psycho in that picture.

  11. Ok, great. They deleted it. Now my comment makes no sense. Eh, what else is new..

  12. Kate

    Remember when he was hot? I saw “A Few Good Men” the other day (I usually boycott TC movies but that one is good and I dig the guys in uniform) and it was like looking at a different guy.

  13. vtx

    It seems to me that Tom will soon pull an “Operation Disconnect” on Katie…

  14. Wow, who did not see this one coming? Is Katie tired of Tom dressing her up like a little boy??

    Yo, Karen, lets go have a drink!!

  15. Kim Lardassian Limerick Girl

    There once was a girl named Kim
    Who let people pee on her on a whim
    She complained, “Though I shave
    My ass three time a day
    I can’t keep the damn thing trimmed!”

  16. Jimbo, I already am.

    I love pocketflasks

  17. Kim Lardassian

    There once was an Iranian named Kim
    Whose intellect was exceedingly dim
    She said, “If I had
    To go out without pads
    My ass would look much more slim”

  18. IFuckingHateYou

    Suri should be left behind. The only thing worse than being brought up as a Scientologist would be exposure to both Scientology and Catholicism. Not sure which group is more fanatical.

  19. ph7

    “Anyone else feel bad for Suri?…can anyone imagine growing up in Scientology?”

    Kind of like growing up in Christianity. Making children believe in fairy tales about the magic man in the sky is never good for the child or society.

  20. gossipmonger

    12. Karen Walker – April 17, 2008 12:17 PM – Ok, great. They deleted it. Now my comment makes no sense. Eh, what else is new..

    LOL, Gotta admit, I did go WTF is she on about??? Then I saw your second post and laughed…

    # 15, Jimbo… if I recall correctly, you are in Calgary (I’ve been around for some time, just not posting often – I DO recall the shirtless pic of you.. haha)… we’re neighbours… If Karen is too far away, I’ll meet ya for that drink…lol

  21. nipolian

    All this endless love that Tom Cruise has for Scientology is risky business. All the while L Ron does nothing but taps Tom’s bank account and says if he doesn’t continue to pay, as far as his faith goes he will be losin it. Tom feels that the color of money pales in comparison to these days of thunder for Scientology. Tom can’t understand why all the outsiders looking in don’t get it. He thinks if he fails to make all the right moves now his legend will be lost forever. So he is content with just recruiting a few good men and keeping the firm grip he has on his beliefs. Not only does Tom have strong feelings for his faith, but also this great country that was born on the 4th of July, 1776. He has said that he would gladly grab the top gun from his gun rack and defend it even if it were the war of the worlds. Well it’s starting to rain, man. I am off to enjoy a cocktail.

  22. Kate

    Oh please, lets equate Christianity and Scientology. Because all Christians are snake-handling Bible thumpers.

  23. Kate

    I mean, Christianity is the EXACT SAME THING, right?

    Give me a break. If you aren’t religious, fine, but don’t dump all religions together and have a little respect for others. Scientology is a cult that bleeds money from people, I have never been forced to pay to be Christian. Big difference.

  24. Kate

    And I have never tried to convert one single person.

  25. havoc

    Why is he taller in that photo?



  26. whatever asshat

    What a douche! Maybe you believe that you have monkeys in your lineage, but I don’t. I’m not a crazy, nutso Bible thumper, but to call Christianity a fairy tale is truley unbelievable.

  27. Karen, I have 3 of them. I have them strapped to my back so no one can see them

  28. dude

    I’m feelin’ the love for Kate. And agreeing.

    ph7′s comment is just plain ignorant.

  29. IFuckingHateYou

    #24 – so you’ve never been to a church service of any kind? I’ve been to several different varieties and as I recall, they all passed the collection plate.

  30. whatever asshat

    @#30 Yes, a collection plate. A purely voluntary collection plate at that. It’s not an entry fee.

  31. BunnyButt

    Karen, I quite enjoyed your first comment despite having no clue what it meant. We all need a little surreality now and then.

    Speaking of Suri-ality, since Suri was conceived with L. Ron’s sperm via artificial insemination, perhaps Tom doesn’t have as much legal claim to Suri as he’d like to think. I believe she’s legally the property of Xenu.

    Free Katie Holmes!

  32. restingonlaurels

    does anyone else read this and wonder how on earth Star could be considered a credible source of information? not that i wouldn’t love to see the end to this disaster. just sayin…

  33. PimpMammaM

    Don’t disrespect Christianity. You may offer tithings if you wish, but the Good Lord will not turn His back on anyone because they didn’t contribute money.
    Scientology is something that a man made up about 30 years ago. This is one dude’s “vision”. Hey, we can all make up our own religions and people will surely follow. The Bible has been around for over 2000 years, and we today can relate to the stories back then. Amazing huh?
    Look, don’t criticize me here, I just had to get my “2 cents” in. I love the Lord and felt I needed to stand up for Him. Feel free to believe in whatever you want. It’s called Free Will.

  34. Auntie Kryst

    What no “TCLTC” yet? Ok now we got that out of the way. Shit I got nuthin’ just wanted to post a comment..

  35. Delicious Alcohol

    Like all Republicans, I take Star, and less credible resources like Fox news, very seriously. I’m talking Iraq war seriously.

  36. restingonlaurels

    oh and @13, i couldn’t agree with you more. i think he’s looking more and more like jason schwartzman every time i see him in the media.

  37. Kate

    Yes #30, been to Catholic church services all my life. I don’t remember ever being asked to leave because I didn’t put any money in the voluntary collection plate.

    Again, I totally respect the fact that you’re not religious and are against religion. Fine. But comparing Scientology and Catholicism/Christianity is just not fair at all. Two entirely different things.

  38. shar

    Please, please give up the shit on Tom & Katie. I am sick of seeing this stuff, if she is unhappy, she will leave, not that she couldn’t afford it. Secondly, if she is happy which I think she is, move on, leave them alone. I can’t be the only person sick of all the stupid headlines.
    If we were to pick on religion, try Catholics talk about messing up children!!!

  39. Pope Benedict'danaltarboy

    Yes, there is no similarity between the cult of Scientology and the Church of the Day 3 Zombie Uprising.

  40. Kat

    I love how my one comment sparked someone to say something that sparked a mini religious debate. I don’t think it should be equated to a fairy tale either, if you don’t like it, are atheist, that’s fine but you don’t have to be rude about it.

  41. Jenipurrr

    dude…christianity is SO not the same. My church is held in a dive punk bar call The Milestone and my pastor has mutton chops and tattoos up the ying yang. You can listen to this sermon while you sip a pint of guinness and laugh as he draws comparisons between bible stories and south park.

    I dont think Scientology has anything near that fun.

  42. Kat

    Probably a stupid question, but what is “TCLTC”?

  43. BunnyButt

    44, Tom Cruise Loves The Cock.

  44. nipolian

    #43 -” I dont think Scientology has anything near that fun”

    Look up Freewinds

  45. Jenipurrr

    #46 they have their OWN cruise ship? WTF? That is freakin weird. Well, i’d rather fight the roaches and rats at The Milestone any day. Plus, its alot cheaper than a cruise…its stinky…but hey, I cant have it all.

  46. NYAmicas

    lol, especially number 2…..Uncle John..

  47. Sad thing is, if it were not for the cult, Katie and Tom would make a good couple.

  48. Angus

    Yes it’s certainly true, there’s a huge difference between Scientology and Catholicism. Scientology doesn’t have an elaborate bureaucracy designed to promote child rape and protect the child rapists from prosecution.

  49. hahaha

    random, i know, but i wonder if cruise’s new movie “valkyrie” is going to bomb. “lions for lambs” and katie’s “mad money” did. what else could be more telling that your career is OVER?

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