Katie Holmes preparing for silent birth

March 28th, 2006 // 108 Comments

*katie_holmes_silent_birth.jpgKatie Holmes is reportedly gearing up for the silent birth of her first child after Scientologists were spotted carrying signs into her home, reminding her to keep quiet during labor. On Monday, huge placards saying, “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable,” were carried into the couple’s home to remind Holmes to deal with the extreme pain of childbirth quietly.

Like Tom Cruise, I’m all for making women suffer as much as humanly possible during childbirth. You know – strobe lights, false fire alarms, the doctor screaming “It’s a monster!” every few minutes. Sure, it may not serve any “medical purpose”, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.


  1. julema

    silent birth!!…that’s a man idea!!!! Poor Kathy, what will happen to her if she makes sound!?

  2. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah

    This is weird.

    I think Katie should, very quickly while she still has the chance, murder Tom in his sleep and flee…flee into the night!

  3. Phoenix

    ooohhhh Xenu ooohhh Xenu…where are you

  4. hot_stewie

    What a moron! Who can be silent when a watermelon is squeezed out an opening the size of a peanut?? Come on ppl!!

  5. krisdylee

    Right, and when she hits transition and starts screaming like a banshee while hanging from the chandalier, we’ll see how this wack-a-doodle idea holds up. And lets not forget the superhuman strength that occurs… maybe she’ll grab Tom around the neck and not let go…..

  6. Jacq

    I hope that she’s also ready to be silent FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! What a band of weirdos. Even if she could speak, I doubt she’s got an original thought left.

  7. Italian Stallion

    I think it’s pretty funny that she has an Oral fixation with anything that resembles Tom’s penis.
    Kate, it’s not him, get the fucking pen out of your mouth and write an apology to the world for being such a complete whipped scientology dumbass!!!!!!!!!!

  8. LinguisticAnthro

    I really don’t understand why being totally silent is so important. I’ve heard about such things taking place in manhood ceremonies in various cultures of the world (like they would be circumcised at age 15 and if they made noise, they weren’t considered real men), but that’s with GUYS. Every culture I’ve ever studied allows women to make noise during childbirth. Scientology sucks (to state the obvious).

  9. playahater101

    They also discourage c-sections even if the mother or baby are in trouble. B/c, the wacko’s say, that c-section babies have lower IQ’s. I think believing the crazy teachings of L Ron also lowers your IQ.

    I’ve had natural childbirth and if some man was standing next to me telling me no screaming and no epidural, I would have pulled a Hannibal Lector and ripped his nose off with my teeth. See if you can be silent now, asshole! Why don’t they pull an 8 pound turd out of Tom Cruise’s ass and see if he can be silent.

  10. Let’s hope an alien baby doesn’t pop out!! If I ever saw Cruise I’d tell him that his new kid is really the reincarnated soul of Lord Xenu. Then he’d probably sue me. XD

  11. thisone

    The whole idea of a silent birth is that they believe that the baby should enter the world free with a clean slate and that any words or noises will negatively impact the baby.

    Anyway, I hope she suffers and that the alien’s head is so big that she tears. Let’s see Dr. Tom try to do an episiotomy. Oops, no pain meds for that Katie! Then I hope she gets severe postpartum depression.

  12. Don'tPanic

    #9- As loose as Tom Cruise’s ass is, they could probably pull a twenty pound turd out without him noticing.

    I seriously doubt that any woman has been silent while giving birth, especially without the epidural. Ouch.

  13. jugsgirl

    More and More like Rosemary’s Baby everyday.

  14. tracyp

    it just gets weirdier and weirdier. They also tell them to stay away from the baby for a few days after.
    #9 I too had NCB (not by choice) and will NEVER do that again. Stay quiet through that?? Maybe they should pull the 8lb turd out of TC at the same time Katie is going through labor. Hey, what’s fair is fair.

  15. playahater101

    Anyone else hear the names of Scientologists like John Travolta and Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley, Leah Remini, Jenna Elfman and immediately think “CRAZY!” and have no desire to ever watch anything they are in again?

  16. Kimbo

    14. Thanks for the link.
    Medical science [uhm,and a little freaking LOGIC] once again proves that Scientology is one step away from making massive purchases of sneakers and having a punch party.

  17. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Scientology sounds like it’s even better than Kaballah. Where do I sign up and how soon can I mentally liquify, I mean, baptize my children???

  18. Kevin

    Can Scientology get more fucked up?

    Answer: no

  19. playahater101

    I love it how they want you to stay away from the baby for days. After birth, a mother has the overwhelming urge to see her baby and to touch the baby. Katie Holmes needs her head examined. She has been completely brainwashed. And Tom is so controlling. That’s probably why he found someone so much younger than him. I hope Katie tells them all to fuck off and screams as loud as she can.

  20. #7 – Tom has a penis?

  21. gammanormids

    9. They also discourage c-sections even if the mother or baby are in trouble. B/c, the wacko’s say, that c-section babies have lower IQ’s. I think believing the crazy teachings of L Ron also lowers your IQ.

    Indeed! I had a C-secction becasue we both me and my baby were in danger and my son has now one of the highest grades of his class (he he). I think this Ron guy is a case of being a total ignorant and talk about what you don’t know.

    I really hope Katie doesn’t have any problems with her baby nor her health after giving birth, because if she ends up killing them both baby and Tom, it won’t be Ron nor Tom to blame but herself, for believing all that crap. She is not a little girl, after all: she is a 27 years old woman.

  22. playahater101

    #21 I also had a c-section with my 2nd baby who is now 5 months old. She was breech and had to be delivered via c-section. I believe Scientologists don’t do ultrasounds either, so who knows what’s happening in there. I hope for the baby’s sake nothing goes terribly wrong.

  23. NaughtyBits74

    These people have lots their ever-lovin’ minds.

    “Stay away” from the baby for a couple of days?


  24. The sad truth is, this baby is likely to be a monster. I am afraid… very afraid of what this offspring might be like. The Jolie-Pitt baby, on the other hand, is likely to be the Messiah of beautiful kids…

  25. Italian Stallion

    He did, I guess, until scientology had Katie cut it off. No worries though, They are supposed to re-attach it on Mission Imposible 3!!!!
    Here’s the catch though, he gets no pain medication and he’s not aloud to scream when they sew it back on…..

  26. LoneWolf

    I know she’s a lousy actress, but cue cards for giving birth?

  27. Sdvora

    I really hope that she lets it all out, screaming her head off during the birth. I hope she bitch slaps Tom into submission for trying to enforce the most misogynistic piece of shit idea I’ve ever heard. And I hope he cries himself to sleep when she decides that he isn’t allowed to come near the baby until he renounces his ridiculous cult. And then I hope he snaps out of it, and stops being so insufferably annoying.

  28. Everytime I read about this ‘silent birth’ idea I get so mad! I’ve had two babies both pretty natural. I think if anyone ever told me to shut up and be quiet and move in a reasonable way during the births would have lost their lives. There should be no rules just what feels right and didn’t someone who made up these rules have a penis and never gave birth??? It makes me sick.

  29. christee

    #9, i think tommy boy would actually enjoy that. i’m waiting for the lot of ‘em to go down all waco-style, and tommy’s feelin a little coresh (sp). when the waves of pain hit katie, i hope she wakes the fuck up, and realizes that childhood fantasies aren’t always what they appear to be. if only jason bateman weren’t married…

  30. reptilicus

    I don’t think it’ll come as much as a surprise when a month after the “birth” they’ll announce that their “baby” died from SIDS without anyone ever seeing “it.”

  31. KittyKat

    I want to cry for that baby – I hate that they just wrap the baby & leave him for a day or so. What about breastfeeding? Forming a mother-child bond? The whole thing makes me sick.

    #22 – Tom Cruise purchased an ultrasound machine for his house so he could look at his spawn daily, so I’m pretty sure ultrasounds are not forbidden in scientology.

    They’re going to remake the movie “Rosemary’s Baby” as “Katie’s Baby” one of these days.

  32. yesdnil311

    I’m glad she’s about to give birth though…by all accounts she’s at least 13 months pregnant.

    I think Katie will snap out of it and become sane. Right? RIGHT?!?!

  33. A Nobody

    Tom Cruise deserves to be banned from reality.

  34. This is just step one…step two is what Tom likes to call “Silent Marraige” and by that he means that Katie Stays silent while Tom gets bent over by the pool boy….everybody say it with me….Tom Cruise Loves the Cock.

  35. If she wants to go through with it she’s welcome to the experience. Seems daffy to me but it’s an adult making her own decision.

  36. Erienne

    $100 says she screams for the epidural. But of course, homo Cruise and all the other whacked out Scientologists will deny that she received the epidural. She’s been a weenie her entire career (if you can call Dawson’s Creek a career) and I seriously doubt she goes through childbirth w/o drugs.

  37. Erienne

    You know, on second thought, I hope she just tells Tom to fuck off and let her do her own thing. Cruise is a manipulative bastard.

  38. Evil Willow

    #33 Tom Cruise is not a current resident of Reality. He moved to the Alien Freak district quite a while ago.

  39. Jayne

    I remember my grandfather telling me as a child that Native American women would clench a stick between their teeth and give birth without screaming; just panting or grunting.


    “Be silent and make all physical movements slow and understandable,”

    Let’s try setting those boards around a room while you’re having smex… how awful!!

  40. Cheerios

    The no screaming thing.
    I think “ohhh well!”

    But no mother-child contact for the first moments of the new borns life?
    That doesn’t sit well with me.

  41. Kelly

    Poor Katie, I had always liked her till this point. She went from a controlling Chris Kline to TC. Poor girl, guess she likes being submisive and controlled. She was so much better than this,

  42. nini

    i would like to know if there are any women of scientology who have an opinion on this.

    personally this is absurd, tom is an ass

  43. Moonmoth

    Apparently this ‘silent birth’ thing is just that the people around her have to keep talking to a minimum, not that she’s expected to be silent during the birthing process! Taking the baby away is also apparently a big myth.

  44. DaphneBrooks

    I just pray that “poor katie” gets the worst recorded case of ppd in history. then tom will be able to talk smack about something he actually knows about.

  45. SamiJenkins

    The signs are for the midwives and other birthing assistants, not for Katie. Besides, how hard can it be to birth a plastic doll? It’s not like giving actual birth.

  46. gogoboots

    If she dies in childbirth I will not be surprised.

  47. tits_on_snack

    “They also tell them to stay away from the baby for a few days after.”

    RE. TARD. DED.

    That’s how babies die of SIDS.
    You NEED to cuddle, hold, touch, talk to, and bond with your baby, ESPECIALLY right after it’s born!!
    You NEED to talk to your baby and make noises! They recognize your voice from hearing it for nine months in the womb and know that THAT voice is the voice of their mother, their protection, and that they are safe and cared for.
    Oh my god this is the stupidest idea ever.

  48. playahater101

    #31, I forgot about that. Thanks for the remonder ;)

    #42, she was advised to speak to Leah Remini and Kelly Preston about silent birthing, so I think they are all for it.

    i hope Katie gets up during child birth and beats Tom with those stupid signs. You become a different person during labor.

  49. antispace

    What dumb bitches. She and Tom.


    Sooooooo, when Katie gets Postpartum depression, drowns her baby and comes after Tom with a chainsaw, does that mean she needs to eat better and exercise more? According to Dr. Cruise, thats what Brook Shields should have done. What a pathetic duo they make!

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