Probably because her name means “Daddy has lot of friends that are boys and if you see them taking showers together, give mommy two sleepy pills instead of one” in Xenu-ese, Katie Holmes is reportedly changing Suri Cruise‘s name because let’s just assume her part of the divorce settlement reads, “Can do whatever she wants as long as whatever she wants isn’t telling people Tom Cruise can’t fly. WHICH HE CAN. (Cross out that last part, and we’ll shoot you in the dick with telekinesis.)” Via Gawker:
Now reports that Katie “hates” the name Suri and has taken to calling her “Scout,” after the To Kill a Mockingbird character named for one of Demi Moore’s daughters. She also apparently wants to give Suri “Cruise” as a middle name and change her surname to “Holmes.”
Scout Cruise Holmes.
When reached for comment, Tom Cruise said, “Ha! You can’t rename a robot. What an id- I mean, uh, hey, I made that kid by putting my daddy part in Katie’s mommy part. (Please tell me I said that right.)”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News
So she is seriously thinking of changing the kids name to Scout? Stupid ass celebrities and their retarded kid names. She really seems to be trying to burn Tom or something.
Yeah, changing it to scout will make a big difference!
Probably Cruise’s people floating this rumor, in hopes of making Katie look like a vindictive looney.
That very well might be the case. Scientologest are vindictive that way. Google ‘operation FreakOut’ or ‘operation Snow White’ if you really want to see how the Church of Scientology is.
i read that stuff. and these are the dumb fks that run half the world’s media. and yet, jose and tyrone can’t get a career going in movie development bc they are ‘not the right fit’. LOL.
my god!
makes me NOT like KH even more…
^^^ Scieno typing slaves working hard tonight.
aww she’s a cutie (in a non-creepy way)
You didn’t see that nanny hang herself in front of all the guests at Suri’s birthday party moments after she blew out the candles on her cake.
(maybe you should put that after your user name as well)
Yeah, in a Rosemary’s baby, kind of way.
Remind me again, which one of her parents is the crazy one.
Agreed. This whole thing is ridiculous. Katie’s contract expired, she chose to stay on to help promote Rock of Ages for extra money, and then ended it. Now she’s ending it on her terms and Tom will allow it because she has secrets about him. This isn’t some James Bond espionage stuff. And it’s just cruel to change your kid’s name at 6 (or whatever) to Scout.
And TCLTC.
I would have went with Mission Impossible rather than James Bond. Just sayin.
And TCLTC
Kudos for “would have went” rather than “would of went”.
Lesser commenters would have gone with the latter.
holy shit, you hand out accolades too?
Only backhanded ones, unfortunately.
Giant sigh… It is would have GONE
The comments to this story seem to be all about people missing the point, though it’s surely my fault for being inordinately droll.
Please reread my first post above and see if you can spot the obvious correction.
[Hint: it's in the sentence following the non-corrective one.]
How about we go with “Would have gone” huh? How about that? Just an idea…
Actually it should be “would have gone…”
Sorry…didn’t see all the other corrective comments…
Holy fuck, seems like everybody has a P̶h̶D̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶E̶n̶g̶l̶i̶s̶h̶ job at Starbucks.
That reminds me–some poor white person has been waiting for his grande soy Tazo Chai for over one minute. Gotta run.
McBeef, if you were truly my friend, you would tell me how to do strikethrough here.
There is probably a direct way, but here’s how I do it.
http://blog.imthy.com/2008/06/strikethrough-strikethrough-text.html
copy & paste.
If lady-fapping to grammar corrections is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
You mean you been flickin’ the bean?
“…“Scout,” after the To Kill a Mockingbird character named for one of Demi Moore’s daughters”
Um….This is worded wrong. The To Kill a Mockingbird character was not named after Demi Moore’s daughter. Her daughter was named after the character.
Way to get the joke.
Um, the intent was humor. It was perfectly worded. Your knee-jerk overreaction is what’s wrong. I’d suggest you read the rest of the Gawker piece, but figure you’d be in over your head.
No shit, Sherlock.
Apparently you aren’t fluent in sarcasm…
Undercover,
I didn’t get the joke either. It wasn’t funny and it was NOT clear that it was supposed to be sarcastic. I thought some idiot writer didn’t know any better.
You have to be CLEAR when you’re writing something sarcastically.
TheListener wants humorists to tell everyone, “The next thing I say is meant to amuse you given its absurdity. Get ready for it.”
HAHAHAH!!
You are so embarrassing.
That was a response to The Listener.
I’m still laughing. Seriously, some people are so stupid I don’t see how they can work the computer in front of them. My hope is that the pouty anger over missing the joke is in some way a joke itself?
Is it tough looking for clues everywhere you go?
Not “nuvi”? Damn you, copyright laws!
Wow does she look like Katie here.
She does, indeed. As if she were a clone or….heyyyy, wait just a damn minute…
For the record the character in “To Kill A Mockingbird” prob wasn’t named for DemiNs daughter, it was probably the other way around. Just throwing that out there.
Just wow.
undercover and umenglish is the same person?
Oh my god.
Is there some way to filter out the humourless morons? This place has smart readers usually. It’s not Celebitchy.
Probably? To Kill A Mockingbird could be Scout Willis’s grandmother.
Why can’t I add another thumb down to umenglish’s post? If we get ‘em up into the 20s, the rejection might help he or she grow an evidently lacking sense of humor.
… “him or her,” rather.
that guy is obviously an alien Scientology spy
Nice inclusion of the Gawker quote to flush out all the irony deficient readers, Fish.
so we’re trusting a source that thinks Harper Lee named her character after Demi Moore’s kid? Seems legit.
SRSLY?
Hey, Bob–got a sense of humor?
It is starting to look like the Scientology crazy’s are posting in order to deflect, maybe? How could there be this many people who don’t get it?
Well, the Gawker article is humorous, but if you just read a couple of sentences taken from the article then the humorous intent isn’t apparent.
Who knew this whole time that the look of steely detemination on Suri’s face was something she leanred from Katie.
What was the name of Rosemary’s baby? That might be a good choice.
Does Suri have any say in what her name is supposed to be?
In my family we call each other what the individual prefers to be called, not what we might prefer to call them (except the occasional “Dumbass”)
“Hey You” usually works in my family.
That sounds like a great system, Two Dogs Fucking.
“Because of my father, between the ages 7 through 15, I thought my name was ‘Jesus Christ.’ He’d say to me, ‘JESUS CHRIST!’
“And my brother Russell thought his name was ‘Dammit.’ ‘Dammit, will you stop all that noise?! And Jesus Christ, SIT DOWN!’
“So one day I’m out playing in the rain. My father said ‘Dammit, will you get in here?!’ I said, ‘Dad, I’m Jesus Christ!’ ”
–Bill Cosby
Listen to Bill Cosby’s “To Russel, My Brother, whom I slept with.”
They should change her name to Surly, after Alec Baldwin’s daughter.
A news source called ‘Gawker” must adhere to the highest standards of internet journalism; so this must be true.
It’s been reported that a judge denied Katie’s first requested name change, which would have made her daughter’s full name “Scout ScientologyIsDumbAndGay Cruise Dawson Holmes.”
She must have something really dirty on Tom Cruise for him to let her do all this without complaining.
Are you kidding? He won’t stop crying about it to all his masseurs.
Suri has always sounded to me like some brutal action verb in a space language, but Scout? SCOUT? Shit Katie, can’t you just take the house in Malibu?
I think Scout is a perfectly acceptable name. Of course, To Kill a Mockingbird is about my favorite movie of all time. And it is so well done that if you read the book it is almost like reading the script. Hey…at least she isn’t trying to change the kid’s name to Boo Radley!
*sigh* Obviously you read it so closely that you forgot that the character’s real name was Jean Louise. “Scout” was a nickname.
The Boo Radley character was named after an alternative rock band.
it must be shocking to give birth to an alien device
I think its a great idea, and that everyone in the now-dissolved Cruise family should get a new name! Let’s all help out by offering some suggestions:
Tom Cruise -> Baby Xenu Closet Dweller
Katie Holmes -> Inmate No. 28392A, Escapee
Giving someone a new identity after they’ve been rescued from a dangerous mind-fucking cult is the usual practice.
As I sit here I’m wondering if perhaps Katie has been calling Suri “Scout” as a nickname all along in preparation for this eventuality.
“See how I have it eating out of my hand? That’s exactly how it went with Daddy the other day.”
hahahahaha
She should just cut to the chase and name that kid Antichrist McSatanchild. Save us all the suspense, because you can see it in her eyes that she wants to be a devourer of worlds when she grows up.
Well she sure as fuck wasnt naming this kid Rumer…..Oh the chinmanity.
So some pap heard Katie call the kid “Scout” and now we have some filler for this afternoon.
If she had said “Hey you, come here” to the kid would we then have a story about Katie naming the kid “U” after some mystical revelation?
The name Suri is Hebrew in origin (not Scientology) and means Princess.
Which is news to anyone who actually speaks Hebrew – that misinformation is what Cruise’s PR team originally came up with. Suri is an eastern European variant of “Sarah”, but it’s not Hebrew, although it does sounds like the word for “bugger off”. In Persian it means “[red] rose”.
I hope she changes it to Sarah, then. I hate Suri. It’s oogleh.
Only relating what my friend Suri (of Jewish lineage, not Scientology lineage) told me many years ago.
Then her family probably came from eastern Europe and settled here. Because everyone in Israel, where, um, they actually speak Hebrew, was laughing their collective asses off when they heard the “translation”.
Where did her nose go?
Too many “Yes Sireee!” jokes abound for the child to have any hope of a normal upbringing even without the closeted Xenu worshipper around.
Good call on the name change Katie, you’re still a long way from ‘normal’…but just keep on keepin’ on with the baby steps.
This is horseshit. I really hope no one actually believes this.
how come she always hides from the cameras? its strange …
I never see any of the other celeb kids do that
Because her life isn’t challenged enough with these two as parents, lets change the poor kids name. That shouldn’t fuck her up any more than she is now…
should have named her birtney. That would set her up for life….
Scout is kind of a cute nickname, but at six it’s a bit late in the game to change your kid’s stupid Hollywood name from one to the other. I read a news article about a woman who named her kid Harold or something and then when he was in preschool had it legally changed to something “less stupid”. She changed it to… Ralph.
I liked the Mockingbird book but Scout was just a nickname. Why not just give Suri that nickname? My dad called me “tiger” and “B” as a kid, but he never thought that needed to be my official name. He’s a dork but he’s not an asshole.
Is it just me or does it sound like the article is saying that the character scout in To Kill a Mockingbird was named after Demi Moores daughter?
You can’t be that stupid.
Read the quote from Gawker – that’s exactly what it says.
When is chris klein gonna admit to being suri’s daddy? It is so obvious.
I call bullshit on that one. Suri is 6 and I don’t think Katie would change her name at this age. More gossip as usual. If Katie really calls her Scout….I’m sure it’s a nickname.
Learn to read people. Says she calls her Scout, not that she wants to change the kids name. Ever hear of a nickname?
So she wants to change her kid’s name to S.Cruise Holmes? Ironic..
“suri” also means “pickpocket” in Japanese.
Suri means “died” in Estonian, so it didn’t exactly have a positive meaning to begin with.. but Scout?
I must be some kind of sarcastic genius as I got the joke immediately. If you didn’t, you don’t belong. Talk about the dumbing down of society! Lately the point of this site has to be explained weekly. This has to be one of my all time favorite lines in the history of the site. Kudos, sir. To all the idiots– if you have to explain a joke…..
RE: “Kudos, sir”–You might rather offer those kudos to the “ma’am” [Caity Weaver] who wrote the Gawker piece effortlessly copied and pasted by the Superficial writer.
whoops, she looked at the camera.
best hope mom doesn’t see this pic.
I’m terrified to make direct eye contact with Suri. Even if it’s just a picture. Somehow, I expect she’d be waiting around the next corner and stab me. She is pure badass.
Since Katie has rejoined the Catholic Church and is sending “Suri” to a private Catholic day school in Manhattan, I assume she will be baptized and will have to receive a saint’s name. “Scout” won’t do!
She was enrolled in a Catholic preschool 3 years ago, so you can’t assume anything of the kind. FYI, you take a saint’s name at confirmation – it’s traditional, but not required, to give your child one at baptism.
does anyone else remember them plating suri’s first poop in gold and putting it on display at a museum?
How celebrity is it to name your child a sentence fragment. Scout the cruise holmes
Surely you can come up with a better name than “Scout”, Katie. How about Carol, Jennifer, Michellle etc. There are so many other normal names out there.
“Scout,” after the To Kill a Mockingbird character named for one of Demi Moore’s daughters.
No “Now,” the character in a 1960 literary classic is NOT named after the 21 year old daughter of a celebrity.
The author was injecting some absurdist humor into her article about the Now story. Your correction is unwanted.
I believe changing this little girls name at this time is just adding more stress and trauma. This whole matter sounds like a bitter mom.
kid’s always clinging to her mother. kinda pathetic. she’ll grow up to be a neurotic high maintenance weirdo.
Uh, Demi Moore named her ugly kid after the character in “To Kill a Mockingbird”, not the other way around. That ugly kid is also like 20, and the book was written in 1960. Gawker rules.
It was a JOKE. OBVIOUSLY.
Are you mentally impaired?
I have my doubts as to whether or not that’s even Tom’s kid. Methinks he fires the blanks.
Not to mention that he’s firing the blanks in the wrong orifices for baby-making in any case…