Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Duchess of Cambridge’s Royal Uterus Has Been Sperminated!

December 3rd, 2012 // 35 Comments
Duchess Of Nips
Kate Middleton Bikini
Kate Middleton Topless Photos Published Read More »

“You’ve done it now, William, there’s no saving the bloodline after this. Why could you not have a girl, mother?!”

After all that naked stuff happened to them back in September, Kate Middleton and Prince Charles needed something to distract from the Royal Brillo Pad of Pelvicton Lane and while racism seemed like a good idea a at the time, they’ve now resorted to the more traditional route of conceiving an heir to the throne because that’ll really stop people from trying to look at Kate’s vulva now. Capital idea, old chap. The AP reports:

St. James’s Palace said Monday that the Duchess of Cambridge — formerly known as Kate Middleton — has a severe form of morning sickness and is currently in a London hospital.
The palace said that since the pregnancy is in its “very early stages,” the 30-year-old duchess is expected to stay in the hospital for several days and will require a period of rest afterward.

Kate Middleton just got pregnant and already has morning sickness so bad she had to be hospitalized? Jesus. Do the British find it rude to stand outside the royal palace screaming “DAMIAN! DAMIAN!” because I’m gonna.

Photos: Getty


  1. I’m a female, and I don’t often act like it. I can honestly say when a girl is attractive, I don’t like drama, and I don’t play games. But by God, I cannot wait to see this woman pregnant and huge. Call me a sadist, but it will make me smile. Of course, she will bounce back and be more beautiful than ever, but still.

    • I’m liking you more with every post.

    • Schadenfreude looks good on you! ;D

    • pornstar

      Kate Middleton does not get huge, even while pregnant. She will eat enough food to give birth to a healthy baby and not have gained more than ten pounds, which on her, will not be noticeable.

      She’s not married to Larry the plumber, who lifts his leg to fart at the dinner table, she’s married to the FUTURE KING OF ENGLAND.

    • Frank Burns


    • browny

      ‘I’m a female, and I don’t often act like it. I can honestly say when a girl is attractive, I don’t like drama, and I don’t play games’.

      What does this even mean? If you are trying to distance yourself from what you perceive as stereotypically ‘female’ behaviour in the hope of being accepted as ‘one of the guys’, here is some free advice for you: the ‘guys’ whose approval you clearly seek with this humble brag shit will still think of you as a ‘chick’ but just a more compliant one. Be who you are for yourself not to impress the ‘guys’

      • Funny, because I just described myself, and you would rather me be someone else. Want me to try again? Get a life. Yeah, I don’t have female friends because of the aforementioned reasons, and yeah, that is how I think females are. I have a husband and a son. So the person I am thinks females (for the most part) play games, are vindictive, and love drama. Deal with it.

      • Devilish Diva

        It’s OK, MegP. Most females would not want to befriend a self-loathing, gender traitor. Ignorant, condescending females like yourself can stay with the guys.

  2. This makes those blurry topless pictures more valuable because they will show her body before it was ruined by pregnancy.

  3. JC

    DNA that’s the product of generations of inbreeding (or just “breeding,” as the royals call it) always makes for the worst morning sickness.

  4. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    Not an upper lip between them.

  5. Kevin

    Can’t wait till the media realizes she was probably impregnated during her topless vacation.

  6. Prince Charles

    Good, now all she has to do now is poot this one out and another backup kid and then Mummy can have her whacked and William can marry a hideous hump-backed, bow-legged crone. I might even have a spare around here someplace.

  7. mrsmass

    i hope the kid comes out a ginger.

  8. Moo Cow Hunter

    After consulting with Shaggy all I have to say is: It wasn’t me!

  9. Dan Quayle

    Savage he preggers Camilla sausage

  10. Hopefully she soon picks up a new title, the Duchess of Knockers.

  11. RichPort

    “Rich Bald Man Knocks Up Trophy Wife” is a more credible title.

  12. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    “Seriously, I threw up. They send you to hospital for a week when that happens.”

  13. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    Kate Middleton being told that DNA tests prove the father of her unborn child to be Prince William’s forward left throne carrier from the Vaiku Falekaupule ceremony in Tuvalu.

  14. “Duchess”? If the government pays all her bills and now she’s pregnant, doesn’t that make her a welfare *queen*?

  15. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    “You say it comes out of *what*, now?”

  16. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t care what anybody says, she’s really beautiful.

  17. Kate Middleton Pregnant Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    Giggity giggity goo!
    he totally looks like Glen Quagmire !!

  18. CuriousTroll

    It is always nice to see those chosen by God to rule over us lesser people procreate.

  19. kery

    ohhh she is very beautifull !!

  20. Woot! I’m (inexplicably) going to be the first person to comment on “Behold! The Royal Groinland, Exit Way Of Your Future King”!

    Here it is: Nice.

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