Who *Isn’t* Giving Birth This Summer? Let’s Start There.

July 11th, 2011 // 46 Comments

“There a baybee poppin’ out yet? Coulda sworn this is how y’all do it.”

Off the top of my head, this who’s given birth this summer, and I guarantee I’m going to forget at least five people because pretty much every celebrity with a uterus decided to see if it still works last fall: Natalie Portman, Pink, Alicia Silverstone, Ali Larter and Mariah Carey. Now, two more have shat out offspring over the weekend leaving at least 75 gestating celebrity babies, and January Jones‘ bastard, still waiting to spring forth:

1. Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy welcomed a baby boy on Saturday – no name, so assume it’s extra retarded – after she refused to find out the sex yet swore up and down it’s a girl because modern medicine is for suckers. [People]
2. After having three boys, Victoria Beckham and David Beckham finally welcomed a baby girl on Saturday and named her Harper Seven which I’m assuming stands for the numbers of pre-fertilized eggs they went through until they found one with a vagina. At any rate, little Harper’s a healthy baby girl who’s already being trained to kill Jennifer Lopez as we speak. “David, why won’t she wield a bloody knife? This is because you play soccer.” [E! News]

Photos: Fame, Splash News


  1. CptCreep

    First picture of Brit that I’ve seen where I’d happily send in the ‘lil Colonel.

  2. EdgarAllenPoop

    I look forward to the day when the likes of Banana Paltrow and Pinataface Carbuncle Lee pioneer a new revolution in celebrity offspring naming. Before we know it, Hollywood nurseries will be filled with exotic names like John and Thomas and Kristen and Lisa.

    That is, providing any of these poor bastards survive puberty with such ridiculous names foisted upon them. Which is unlikely.

  3. Harper Seven? What happened to Soda? I thought we all agreed on Soda!

  4. frank zappa left quite an impression playing guitar. and in naming kids.

  5. Tim Thomas

    “Kevin, Kevin , Momma wants you to do your happy dance !”

  6. TomFrank

    Pretty sure Victoria would have said “football,” not “soccer.”

  7. LJ

    It’s not unusual for a 40 year old stripper to be giving a bachelor part lap dance……oh…oops.

  8. the captain

    listen: when your entire career is as flat as a tire at the moment…………….USE YOUR BUTT!!
    (americans are so simple to please)

    • kimmykimkim

      What’s your problem with Americans, dick sneeze? You really think everybody in America is fat and ugly and just can’t get enough of Britney Spears? The fuck is wrong with you? You mention something about Americans every chance you get yet, you’re a regular on an American based site? Pennsylvania based I believe which is pretty goddamn American. You’re quite an ignorant little fucker, aren’t you?

    • harry seaward

      haha nice kimmy…but give the eurotrash a break – they’re just jealous and also must divert attention away from their own devolving society

  9. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    don’t look directly at it!

  10. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm, looks like she’s working off some of that weight…

  11. Frank Burns

    “This is how you squeak a fart out, Alabama-style, y’all!”

    Also, Jessica Alba pregnant again, never thought I would lose interest in looking at her but wow was I wrong.

  12. Jess

    Or Fourteen, Gherkin or Maxwell House.

  13. George Costanza

    They stole my name!!!

  14. Kate Hudson Something Borrowed
    Commented on this photo:

    man she’s a real dog, compared to her mom

  15. Elle

    Haha…soda. great episode.

  16. SaladFace

    What is this Cameron-Diaz-Chenoweth monstrosity you’re trying to pass off as Princess Cheeto-Lita?

  17. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    I totally thought this was Kristin Chenoweth. Britt is looking mighty old these days.

  18. Fishnets? Check. Flesh-colored panties? Check. Relevant again? Check.

  19. me

    I’m so glad I had my coffee before coming here….. Nothing like a butt/snatch shot in your face to start the day! These shock antics of Britney’s are very predictable = boring………….. If she really wants to shock folks, she should go back to school.

  20. Juano

    Guess I’m getting old, but it is depressing that popular entertainment is just becoming one gigantic burlesque show. With Britney, the music sucks, the show she puts on sucks, and all that she’s left with to prove she’s a serious artist to to wave her ass in front of the audience. So, she’s proven she has one (or is one).

    Really pathetic, in my opinion. All the women singers seem to feel they have to prove their bona fides by flashing themselves, a la Xtina.

    • You're right

      I totally agree. If I see one more “musical” (for lack of a better word) act where the “singer” (a word that does not apply to autotune shitney) either dances in a triangle formation with her stupid gay backup dancers or does a strip tease, I’m going to scream; the same goes for simpson, rihanna, xtina, etc. It’s the same stupid shit every stinking time, and it’s pathetically boring. As for shitney, the world knows what a moron she is; she’s so retarded that the court won’t even allow her to have her own checkbook or credit cards, for fear she’ll just buy whatever happens to catch her attention at that moment (7 houses, 30 cars, burns through $100 million in 12 months, etc).

    • mammamia

      we must be getting old….remember the good old times when Shania Twains bare midriff was a big scandal….

  21. I like how all the talented female singers enhance their music with the sex factor. It reminds me of the time Janis Joplin sang “Take Another Little Piece of My Heart,” wearing a skin-tight leather bustier, while riding a muscular black man dressed as an Egyptian slave. Or the time Mama Cass belted-out, “California Dreamin’,” while throating a 12″ sub.

  22. Facebook Me

    Britney is really showing her age in this picture and I don’t mean just in her face.

  23. Geez Brit you’re trying to hard. Now you look like a road hard hooker trying to get fucked.

  24. daddy longlegs

    if you don’t look at those sad, haunted eyes, this picture is pretty hot…

  25. Pat C.

    Guess Britney’s ready for her future career as a lapdancer.

  26. Kate Hudson Something Borrowed
    Commented on this photo:


  27. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    yes im jaking to this right now….

  28. Allison Wunderlan

    For some reason my nose is telling me that fishnets are approriate here.

  29. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    I was thinking that Kesha was starting to work out.
    I was thinking, “not bad.”

  30. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    I would all night long and so would you, whether you’ll admit it or not.

  31. Victoria Beckham Jennifer Lopez
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not pregnant because Tom Cruise keeps sucking her husband dry.

  32. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d fuck the crazy out of her, or die trying.

  33. Britney Spears Bent Over Femme Fatale Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    A hot, very thick, wet load of sperm just burst from my thick cock, i love to jack it to britneys thick booty and lovely thighs!

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