Karissa Shannon Made a Sex Tape with Heidi Montag

The Superficial / August 23, 2010

Before we dive into the Heidi & Spencer Sex Tape Bullshit Parade, this header pic gets a lot better right here. And now to business that suddenly seems way less important….

Playmate Karissa Shannon (above) and Heidi Montag reportedly made a lesbian sex tape together that Spencer Pratt allegedly found while cleaning his stuff out of the Malibu home he shared with Heidi, according to TMZ:

Sources say it was then that Spencer decided he could make a fortune selling his “library” to Vivid Entertainment — much of it featuring naked, fornicating Speidi.
We could not reach Heidi and her reps were mum.
As for Karissa Shannon — she tells us such a tape does indeed exist, but she’s not convinced Spencer really has it. Karissa says if the tape ever sees the light of day, she’ll sue the pants off him.

So count Karissa Shannon in as a co-star in the inevitable Heidi & Spencer reality show because if you didn’t see where this is going, congratulations, you’re actually way smarter than I am for shutting your brain off and just staring at the practically naked chick up top. No, seriously, good on you:

Spencer tells us Heidi knew since they met four years ago that all he wanted was to become famous … and nothing will stand in his way now. According to Spencer, Heidi is “freaking out because she doesn’t want to do reality TV anymore.”
Pratt says they have been saying in separate hotel rooms and they have been having ongoing, semi-hysterical discussions — in which Spencer has demanded that Heidi tear up the divorce papers and do a revealing reality show on why she needs to get away from him.
As Spencer puts it, “You cannot turn off the Speidi machine.”
Spencer is very clear … he will release a flurry of sex tapes if she does not agree. Spencer added, “I am a wild sexual freak and I love sex.”

Let me break down exactly what’s going to happen here:

1. Since she already hates her face and can’t afford a new one, Heidi’s going to sign off on the release of sex tape, then pretend Spencer did it behind her back because reality TV audiences are retarded and have yet to figure out these things require consent from both parties.
2. Somehow, something’s going to happen where Heidi lands a reality deal that was already inked a month ago in advance, and Spencer will be involved as the villainous ex who ruined her life by releasing a sex tape that secretly bought her five new chins with complimentary back-scoops.
3. I watch said sex tape because I want to see Karissa Shannon simulate intercourse with a giant life-size Barbie complete with nipple-less breasts and smooth, non-orificed groin.
4. I start weeping and gnashing of the teeth when I accidentally catch a glimpse of Spencer’s penis. Except, oh, wait, it’s a stunt penis and he’s crying in the corner whimpering “Don’t let it bite me.”
5. Lauren Conrad remains boring as shit.


Photos: Pacific Coast News