Joy To The World, No One Wants To Buy Magazines With Kardashians On The Cover

December 23rd, 2013 // 61 Comments
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Welcome to the feel good story of the holidays. Via Page Six:

Not only are the Kardashians’ TV ratings sinking, but their faces are failing to sell supermarket weeklies.
“It’s over. The fatigue factor has really set in,” one magazine publisher told me. “None of the Kardashians, either alone or together, is selling.”
Sources say Jann Wenner paid $110,000 for a heavily retouched photo of Kim Kardashian in a white bikini, which he splashed on the Dec. 23 cover of Us Weekly under the headline, “My Body Is Back.”
But the glossy, which usually sells about a half million a week, sold fewer than 400,000 copies, an insider with access to circulation reports told me.
Bauer’s In Touch dropped 70,000 copies from its average circulation with a recent Kardashian cover, and another Bauer title, Life & Style, dropped 50,000.

In related news, the Kardashians have announced they’re a bearded family of hunters now who only shoot gay ducks. Which also explains why a white horse now rides across the earth spreading disease and pestilence in its wake. *swats locusts off keyboard*

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    For those of you that insist or believe that her ass is real, try watching some Brazilian porn. Butt implants over there are like tit implants over here, everyone’s got them.

    And this, ladies and gentlemen, is an ass implant.

    • Jack Ketch

      That or heavy-duty fat injections, but it sure ain’t real, never was, and looks fucking hideous. And her face is headed in that direction too. Lips swollen “because I had the flu”? Fuck off. lol

    • I will vigorously research your hypotheses over the Christmas break with some festive gingerbread-scented hand lotion.

    • HumpinFrog

      You know how watermelons have a flat spot where they sat on the ground while growing? That’s what her ass looks like two misshapen watermelons taped together with the flat spots pointing outward. I’m no expert but maybe implants get similar flat spots when you sit too long.

    • I’m not buying the butt implant theory. Lots of women have gigantic misshapen asses, mostly older women, but tragically sometimes the fat ass comes around earlier. Nowhere is a giant fat flabby ass like kartrashian’s considered attractive. Implants don’t look like cottage cheese stuffed in a trash bag.

  2. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Sasquatch?

  3. Rubiik's Doob

    Sorry, Fish, but Pestilence rides a white horse. it is Death that rides the pale horse.

  4. Mohawk Disco

    He paid 110 grand for her picture?! I’ll need a minute with this information.

  5. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like a moonbounce packed into a pair of size XL yoga pants.

  6. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Grant Lewis
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim’s body looks fit! unlike fat sloppy wanna-be from Jersey. LMAO

  7. There was an appetite for this std family in the first place? News to me ,as I only get info on this hideous family via The Superficial.

  8. 400,000 idiots still opened their wallets though.

  9. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    At the height of the “Farrah Fawcett” craze, some magazine put her on the cover with the caption “Absolutely NOTHING about Farrah Fawcett” in this issue!” That marked the beginning of the end. Could we get some magazine to do the same for these evil creatures and Miley as well?

  10. Joe Blow

    It’s a Festivus miracle!!!!!

  11. Slash

    I’d say this is good news, and it is, but it’s kind of like picking through the blackened remains of a house fire and rejoicing because you found your crock pot mostly intact, but nothing else of any use.

    We’ve still got the last however many years of Kardashian stain. That shit is impossible to remove.

  12. when they go out to shoot teh gay ducks, they should remember to do it in their underwear with their tongues hanging out.

  13. You can expect to see a LOT more Kendall nude photos and “accidental” nipple slips coming soon. Momma bear gotta keep the gravy train rolling.

    • Dox

      At least until they turn her into Frankenstein’s Prostitot.
      Bolt on a set of hard, unhappy, silicon breast implants, slap in some over the counter Dr. Scholl’s discount butt implants, punch her lips repeatedly until they swell, dust her down with hooker glitter, and before you know it…..

      Another Kardashian prances into the spotlight like a Lipizzaner Stallion with an electric cattle prod up its ass, all ready to perform whatever crude tricks Mommy Dearest commands….

  14. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s with the splotchy fat white legs? Trying for the next GoDaddy gig?

  15. “Joy To The World, No One Wants To Buy Magazines With Kardashians On The Cover”

    And yet Fish still must be generating a metric shit ton of clicks from Kardashian posts, or else they wouldn’t be here, either.

  16. rubbydubby

    That is one HUGE ass.

  17. Freebie

    There is really nothing sexy about that ass. Its comical.

    • mel

      yup. it’s one of the most disgusting, repugnant deformities I’ve ever witnessed. anytime I see this pig or read her name the first thing that comes to mind is the horrible stench of human shit. hot, moist feces. this is what kim kardashian does to me. she reminds me of the horrible stench of poop and nothing more. and she’s starting to look like the monkeys in the newest “planet of the apes” movie. it’s the hilariously bizarre amount of space between her upper lip and nose. too many fillers I’d think. but, yeah…kim kardashian looks like a monkey and stinks like hot feces. fuck this human monkey shit pig!!

  18. Champs

    Boy, I sure would like to believe this. But people have been saying that the Kardashian empire is crumbling for years now. Maybe this really is the end for them, but I’m not holding my breath. Also, big butts are great. This one………not so much.

  19. Aggie

    Now Kanye just needs to dump her fat ass, save the baby from Kris, and we can all forget this nightmare ever happened.

  20. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a big sexy ass. Disagree, and you’re gay. 100%.

    • MFer

      It sure is a big sexy ass… if you like banging dudes up the asshole.

      • That makes zero sense. There’s nothing in her shape that even remotely looks masculine, hence my earlier comment…it’s complex logic, I know.

      • Well I know for sure I’m not gay. I just don’t believe in sticking my cock into any big fat sloppy diaper booty bitches like THIS ho. Athr it’s dumbfucks like YOU that have/keep this batch of useless talentless turds afloat. PLEASE DIE WITH THEM.

      • And oh…I was one of the ones that gave you 1 of your 5 thumbs down. Apparently I’m NOT the only one that doesn’t agree with your “having an ass that looks like a soggy shit filled diaper is sexy” theory.

      • Um… you’re saying her ass is like a full diaper? What about the visibly huge crack in the middle? btw i’m one of the people who gave Athr a thumbs up.

    • mel

      if you’re into hilarious deformities and circus freaks I suppose it would be great. though anyone interested in real, surgically unaltered women would no doubt disagree. are you into 3-eyed women too? women without noses? Cyclops? this pig is less sexy than an unwashed sasquatch (though with that gigantic turd factory following her around, she no doubt stinks even worse). you can practically see the squiggly stink lines from unwiped feces emanating from that repugnant ass. utterly revolting!! you must be one of the few people out there who get hard when they smell turds. but hey, she’s all yours pal!

    • Katie

      lol. I think Athr is Butters secretly. :) Only Butters loves the Kardashian ho

  21. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Generally things with asses wider than their shoulders are described in cuts of beef or poultry pieces.

    • Or in studies of ideal feminine beauty. If you’re a man you’re gay; a woman, jealous.

      • anonymous

        At least I’m not a loser virgin still living in my parents’ home watching Kardashian marathons. If this money grubbing cow is your ideal woman, have fun being cuckolded and broke in your future. LOL

      • Whatever. We’re talking about body shapes. There’s no denying this is very feminine. It may not be exactly your preference but if a male genuinely finds it completely unattractive, he needs to re-evaluate his sexual orientation.

      • anonymous

        You must be the closet homosexual. I talk about her and you talk about sexual orientation and being gay.

        It’s okay to be gay. No one cares anymore… at least stop fantasizing over celebrities and go out an meet real people- man or woman.

      • Who the hell would be “jealous” of a black man’s doormat of a ho like Kim K????

    • Mama Pinkus

      Pear shapes are very common in women – but while I envy Kim’s small waistline, no way in hell will those major beef cut thighs and ass fare well as she ages – she’s already really gross.

  22. anonym

    her face is all fucked up it’s actually repulsive

  23. Bitch, you sure you ain’t a hobbit?!

  24. cc

    Is there a Whaling Monthly?

  25. Robb7

    Where does that ass crack end??!! Jeez, she’s one ugly bitch!!

  26. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    this thing does not look normal

  27. Jenn

    Maybe we could get Extra Strenth Gossip Bleach to sanitize the remaining Kartrashian news from our media.

  28. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Honestly, what the hell is wrong with this woman’s ass? In some pics it looks like butt implants. Others, it looks like some of the butt padding has slipped. Then, you see old pics of her in a bikini and she looks great.

    I dunno, I’m pretty mush a the point now where I’ll click on the first pic, see that she’s gotten worse than before and then move on. Seriously, if this is how they want people to transition from Kim to Kendal, well then, “Good job, people!”

  29. kery

    aghhhh she is ugly and her ass looks disgusting !!

  30. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Leylapants
    Commented on this photo:

    THAT is awful..but I guess its handy if you´re an olympian hula hooper.

  31. J

    I hope this hideous parasite reads the comments here, this bitch is worthless in every way, the whole family need to put through wooodchippers, disgusting and poor excuses for human beings, I can’t wait until they are all broke and desolate.

  32. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    Awwwww yeah! All I know is:
    1. Real or not (who the hell knows?) KK’s ass is fkn huge and spectacular.
    2. Making negative comments about D-Grade celebs online is douchier than the celebutards themselves.

  33. Kim Kardashian Huge Butt Yoga Pants
    Commented on this photo:

    So this is why Kanye is marrying her… She looks exactly like a Brazilian tranny.

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