Kanye Is A ‘Married, Christian Man,’ You Assholes

Kanye West has found himself in some shit after not once, but twice, demanding everyone at his shows stand up during his performance of “Good Life.” Which seems innocuous until you realize there were handicapped people in the audience who had to literally verify their disability before Kanye would go on. At one point, he actually complained how long it was taking because why rely on statistical probability when you can make your bodyguard embarrass the fuck out of a man in a wheelchair? Except now Kanye’s found out all y’all’s been talking about this shit and stopped another show to let everybody know the media’s got the wrong target. My man’s a Christian, and a true artist who’s not afraid to talk about pictures of his dick, so maybe put a helmet on before you read this. Via The Daily Beast:

It makes you just want to reflect on what are the things that are a little bit more sensationalized than others. I want to take this platform. If I didn’t have this last concert, maybe I would’ve tweeted something or put out a statement with a publicist, but I can talk directly to you—my fans. Because they’ve got this thing where they want the masses—people who’ve never heard my albms—to somehow read a headline that reads negative, and think that I’m a bad person or somethin’. I’m not judging, I’m just going to tell you who I am. I’m a married, Christian man. So, if you take someone that can go from being a rock star across the globe and everything and make the decision to pick one woman and raise a family, anyone here that’s married or that’s in a relationship knows that there’s enough things workin’ against you. I’m not going to make one of them Ben Affleck statements and shit.
But what I’m sayin’ is, you’ve got like 12 years that we put in positive music. How many people ever heard one of my songs on their way to work—they heard it, and it made them feel better? And on those songs that made them feel better, don’t I say offensive shit here and there, like, so wait a second, that’s my brand! I curse and say really offensive… wait a second. That’s why when I did ‘Runaway’ earlier, I said, ‘I sent ya a picture of my dick…’ what did ya think when y’all heard that? That’s not G-rated! This is rap fuckin’ music! This is real expression. This is real artistry. You know, an artist’s career doesn’t happen in one cycle of news—an artist’s career happens in a lifetime. And if you’re a true artist, you’re willing to die for what you believe in.
And I don’t know if you feel like this, or give this feeling after the 10, 11, 12 years, but does it seem like in any way I might be slightly a true artist? So, people on the Today show, I’m not sure I keep up with the news, but if Michael Strahan is still at the Today show—no, Good Morning America, Matt Lauer, the girls on The View—Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Roberts, if y’all run this, take a step back and look at this: I’m a married Chrsitian man with a family. At my concerts, I make sure everybody has as good a time as possible. So all this demonizing me, it aint’ goin’ to work after a while. Pick a new target. Pick a new target. Because I’m not one of these dumbass artists that you’re used to. You come at me, I’m going to take my platform and break this shit down for real, intelligent people every night. And then, we’ll get back to the music.”

Kim Kardashian is a porn star whose sex tape you were so obsessed with that you put a child in her out of wedlock so you could fuck her like she was fucked in the sex tape you couldn’t stop watching and making your own versions of. If that’s a “Christian marriage,” then, shit, I really need to start going to church. Do they let you film them right away, or do you have to go to a few Bible studies first? I want to do this right. For God and stuff.

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Photos: AKM-GSI, Getty