Kim & Kanye Are Suing The Bodyguard Who Said All That Stuff

A few days ago, a former NYPD officer and truth-telling hero came forward with bunch of anecdotes about working for Kanye West that pretty much confirmed he’s the fingered asshole of a human being we all thought he was. Naturally, this didn’t sit well with Black Joffrey and Queen Guernsey, so they made some bullshit documents and sued him. This is why we need trial by combat. Via Page Six:

Stanulis alleges to Page Six, “After I had finished working with them, and my first comments came out in the press, Kanye’s head of security wanted to meet me and asked me to sign a post-dated confidentiality agreement, and I refused. That would be like putting my head on the guillotine and pulling the lever.

“Then somebody seems to have done their best to copy my signature on another confidentiality agreement, which is clearly a fake, and I can prove it. It isn’t my signature, and I have a chain of messages from them asking me to sign an NDA months after this forged one is dated.

Right, lying bullshitters gonna lie and bullshit. But here’s the best part of the whole thing besides Kim’s giant tits, which let’s be honest, is the whole reason for this post.

“He thinks he can drag me through the mud. If he just paid me the $900 for my work for them I would go away and never mention the names Kanye West and Kim Kardashian again.”

We found out that Kanye is so insecure about dudes talking to his wifecow that he will literally fire staff on sight for doing it, and all because he’s so broke he didn’t have $900 to pay his bodyguard. Sometimes the world is a good place. *walks outside, smells flowers, sees neighbor approaching to talk, fakes cell phone call, runs back in house*

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Photo: GEVA / Max Lopes / Roger / AKM-GSI