Kacey Jordan Retired From Hooking

April 15th, 2011 // 57 Comments

Realizing wrapped up in a shower curtain doesn’t count as a 401k – Which is a liberal media lie, by the way. – Kacey Jordan is reportedly done hooking and wants to pursue a career in communications, according to TMZ:

Jordan, who’s also admitted to having done prostitution work in the past, says she desperately wants to check herself into rehab so she can get a “real job.” We’re told she wants to pursue a career in radio.
Now, in order to raise the cash, Jordan has turned to hi-tech panhandling on a website called MyGirlFund.com — a site where wannabe sugar daddies with too much money give handouts to chicks who they think are hot.

So basically Kacey Jordan wants to quit being a whore by being a whore proving Charlie Sheen‘s logic is transmitted via semen. You know, I’d always suspected as much, but lacked the proper scientific tools to investigate further. And by scientific tools, I mean a vagina that looks like two catchers mitts duct-taped together.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. I think she’d be good for radio, she has the face for it.

  2. Cock Dr

    Good luck with that…..mental dumbass.

  3. JC

    She should just go on a “Rancid Wizard’s Sleeve of Truth” tour.

  4. TomFrank

    Johnny Bench called.

  5. mamamiasweetpeaches

    sounds like shes desperatley waiting for the CELEBRITY REHAB call from Dr Drew. Newsflash, Bitch, u aint a “celebrity”!

  6. Tommy Lee looks fat.

  7. hmna

    It just goes to show you can’t quit whoring all at once. You have to taper off. Otherwise the DTs are a bitch.

  8. Sway

    she couldn’t even bank 10k out of all that hooking money for a college education? That’s a lot of coke.

  9. Now if only she could retire from being ugly.

  10. Snooki's Taint

    Wait, so she wants to quit hooking to be a sugar baby? That’s a nicer way of saying ‘I want to be a high-PAID Whore’.

  11. kj

    I think I’m going to start a myboyfund.com where older gentlemen (and ladies) will be able to deposit money straight into my bank account, because I’m so fucking HOT.

    Just DON’T LOOK AT ME!

  12. the captain

    pst: AS LONG AS THE VAGINA IS WET & BALD THERE ARE AMERICANS.

  13. Deacon Jones

    I don’t know what’s more pathetic, her, or that poser, pussy-ass fuck next to her.

  14. Woodcock

    Not according to her last tweet…. @misskaceyjordan speaking of being a hooker… just got a text… to make 3500 or not… i’m kinda comfy in this bed

  15. It was the best of times, the rough of times

    Micheal Jordan, Mohamed Ali, Lance Armstrong, Pele…Just to name a few came out of retirement.

    Some careers are just rooted in the DNA…Shell be back.

    Now what was the name of that website again?

  16. So technically she’s just retiring from the “will blow for blow” line of work…

  17. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Her and Chris Angel make a nice couple…

    • Jovy

      “Watch me take this unattractive chick and transform her into a yellow sock wearing troll. Presto! Thank you, Thank you! No, it wasn’t magic. I merely freaked your minds!”

  18. Ed

    She wants to get the money for nothing?

  19. Well, this lends credence to the saying, “You can take the whore out of Texas, but you can’t get her to stop deepthroating, snorting a mountain of coke, taking 3 cocks in the ass, being on the receiving end of bukkake, getting reamed eight ways till Sunday…” wait, where was I going with this?

  20. TMZ says she “admitted to having done prostitution work in the past,” while I might phrase it more like “remember how she ditched a possibly-dead Charlie Sheen and then texted him to get an alleged Bentley and $10,000 in exchange for 2 minutes on his limp noodle a couple of weeks ago and ‘admitted’ it to anyone with a cameraphone?”

  21. So she’s tired of being a hooker, and will fund her new life by being a hooker. My brain is telling me that the logic is flawed, and yet my heart says it fits. And by heart, I mean my penis.

  22. “Do you swear to take the dick, the whole dick, and nothing but the dick?” “I do, your honor”

  23. disgusted

    You blew it Superficial. I’m done after more than 6 years.

    This is a girl who was suicidal, who has suffered more abuse and emotional tormet than you can imagine (regardless of her ill decisions in life) and she has very few transitional options… with few career options. If she needs to to try to raise money on a website meant for that who cares.

    Wow, it’s a good thing you get paid by a website where you can make fun of the poor girl. Hack.

    • And your ticket to the Annual Playa Hater’s Ball has been revoked. Take your sandy vagina and go home.

    • Flubbgermatic

      F*ck, if I was that ugly-ass Ho, and chose to be an ugly-ass Ho, doing the things that ugly-ass Ho’s do so that I could feel like a validated ugly-ass Ho, I’d have “very few transitional [ ugly-ass Ho] options” too. Poor, poor ugly-ass Ho… Boo hoo, boo hoo.
      If, as I wrote, I was a ugly-ass Ho.

    • Jovy

      Oh come off it, disgusted. We’ve all been through hell in our lives. Period. That’s as far as I’m going to take my argument because anyone with logic knows that life is what you make of it.

      Also, it took you 6 years? Really? You must have the brain capacity of a can of peas if it took you this long to realize that everyone is fair game in Fish’s eyes.

    • thespiral

      You spent six years on this site (presumably enjoying the snark) before flouncing off because the Fish called out a hooker for being a hooker? It didn’t occur to you that Hollywood wouldn’t EXIST without desperate attention whores who were molested as kids? And that this chick has done NOTHING to redeem her past? Lots of abuse survivors get therapy, volunteer at children’s shelters and become counselors and protectors of others. This moron became a fame-whoring prostitute who jokes about her abortions with the paparazzi, and she’s above criticism? You sanctimonious asshole. Good riddance.

  24. Flubbgermatic

    I guess they revoked her hooker license at the school for the blind…

  25. Flubbgermatic

    Clearly she needs the money. She’s been reduced to wearing a used shower curtain.

  26. I see Madame Tussaud’s already made a wax figure of her. Did she spend that money too?

  27. wish i cld get past the orange skin

  28. SuperT

    Once you receive the crown for best wore you are not allowed to continue to compete, so I guess her wanting another career does makes some sense.

    • SuperT

      Once you receive the crown for best whore you are not allowed to continue to compete, so I guess her wanting another career does makes some sense.

  29. Anyone notice the cigarette in her hand waving to the paparazzi ? Not only does she smell of semen but of cigarettes! Which is worse for a WHORE?

  30. cc

    ‘wants to pursue a career in communications’

    Oh, yes, you’ve got such a big, fat c__k, ya, ooooh, stick it in my _ss baby.

  31. cc

    BTW does the guy behind her with the shit in his lip and the ‘Kill the Weak’ t-shirt think he’s badass?

  32. Brooke

    By “radio” does she mean blowing Howard Stern?

  33. jw

    THIS chick should play Victoria Gotti! BWA HA HA HA

  34. Make Me Wanna Die

    She was a prostitute back in the days??? Shocking!

  35. Kacey Jordan
    Dingo
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like kriss angel and paris are dating. actually any/all of them should die in a fire

  36. 643-PARKER ECKMAN

    Well, nobody doesn’t care about her, aleast she retires after getting dis, or trashed out.

  37. James

    WAS a prostitute? What do you think you’re doing right now? F**K, get money, F**k, get free rent, f**k, get blow, f**k, get a car. See the pattern? It’s all the same. Do you really think that prostitution and porn is a viable career that can be used to transition into some legitimate high income job? What happened to all the big money you supposedly made in the porn industry? Get a clue!

  38. Matthew J, from Wales

    I am not all that happy about her retirement as I would pay her £25,000 to spend the weekend with her so I could see her naked and have her sit on my face, with those lust long lips of her’s

  39. Rich

    Well I think she gorgeous and best luck to her getting into Rehab out of whoring and into something better.

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