JWoww Honors America’s Presidents. Oh, Good.

The Superficial / February 21, 2012

Because the Marilyn Monroe costume she wanted was already rented out at Whoresingdales, JWoww did the next best thing by making an intern write a list of Presidents I’d Like To Fuck on her blog because apparently these kids have blogs now despite being 5/8ths illiterate. So here the eight luckiest commanders in chief in order followed by a few reasons for why each moistens Jwoww’s UV-battered crevasse. And trust me when I say they demonstrate the work of a true historian if historians want to fuck random paintings of old dudes they couldn’t identify if you put a gun to their head:

Ulysses S. Grant: “I heard he was an alchoholic (sic). Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.”
Abraham Lincoln
Bill Clinton
George Washington: “Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!”
George W. Bush: “We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.”
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
John F. Kennedy: “Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.”

Strangely, the reason for Barack Obama is simply “Yes we can.” which must be some sort of pretend-Guido slang for huge black penis, but I can’t say for certain until The Situation taps my foot two times in a restroom stall. (His conditions, not mine.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News