Because the Marilyn Monroe costume she wanted was already rented out at Whoresingdales, JWoww did the next best thing by making an intern write a list of Presidents I’d Like To Fuck on her blog because apparently these kids have blogs now despite being 5/8ths illiterate. So here the eight luckiest commanders in chief in order followed by a few reasons for why each moistens Jwoww’s UV-battered crevasse. And trust me when I say they demonstrate the work of a true historian if historians want to fuck random paintings of old dudes they couldn’t identify if you put a gun to their head:
Ulysses S. Grant: “I heard he was an alchoholic (sic). Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.”
Abraham Lincoln
Bill Clinton
George Washington: “Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!”
George W. Bush: “We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.”
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
John F. Kennedy: “Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.”
Strangely, the reason for Barack Obama is simply “Yes we can.” which must be some sort of pretend-Guido slang for huge black penis, but I can’t say for certain until The Situation taps my foot two times in a restroom stall. (His conditions, not mine.)
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
More like Star Spangled Banger, amirite?
Less lip, more nip, amirite?
Indeed.
A pound of make-up, ton of fake-up, one push-up bra and you have
a Karcashidan extra….yawn.
Where did the Talent go…America ?????????
Now there is only fake believe!!!
USA USA USA! lol
What the hell happened to her face? It is just awful.
She needs to sue her surgeon for malpractice.
On the plus side if she ever dates Chris Brown, she will never feel the punches.
She may be more clever than we thought!
So when is the Situation going to put out his version of list?
- Rutherford B. Hayes – cause I know that beard would tickle
- Jimmy Carter – he was a peanut farmer, so I know he’s good with nuts
- John Tyler – his son Steven Tyler rocks, so you know JT would too
- Grover Cleveland – I didn’t know a Muppet could be president, but I’ll get all up in that
- Herbert Hoover – this guy invented the vacuum cleaner, so you know he sucks real good!
I want to stick my penis in her vagina.
you’ll have to push aside her penis.
can’t say i’m surprised. she’s olvoiusby the biggest name on the show (until Heather lockelar shows up) and isn’t brining in viewers, so that’s probably the main reason for her being being fired or at least one of them
It’s a shame that body is attached to that face.
JBowwWoww has some bangin’ legs.
Somebody let Bill Clinton know. He’d totally hit it.
Bet I could get my cigar in there without touching the sides. Should be dry enough to smoke while I lean back in the chair and not have sexual relations with that woman.
No doubt, that’s a great New Jersey tan..for February!
I dunno… I got a soft spot for JWoww… She looks pretty good to me.
you made a typo spelling VD
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WHAT??? She is covering up her crotch instead of airing that nasty thing out?
If yer gonna have a bodyguard, you might as well have one that looks like a total goober.
Looking good, Jenni… but that is the wrong bag for that outfit. Don’t you need a personal assistant with a brain? Call me.