JWoww Honors America’s Presidents. Oh, Good.

February 21st, 2012 // 23 Comments
Outing The Situation
The Situation
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Because the Marilyn Monroe costume she wanted was already rented out at Whoresingdales, JWoww did the next best thing by making an intern write a list of Presidents I’d Like To Fuck on her blog because apparently these kids have blogs now despite being 5/8ths illiterate. So here the eight luckiest commanders in chief in order followed by a few reasons for why each moistens Jwoww’s UV-battered crevasse. And trust me when I say they demonstrate the work of a true historian if historians want to fuck random paintings of old dudes they couldn’t identify if you put a gun to their head:

Ulysses S. Grant: “I heard he was an alchoholic (sic). Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.”
Abraham Lincoln
Bill Clinton
George Washington: “Who knew that the guy on the coin you use to get your laundry done was a bit of a looker. He can join me for some GTL anytime he wants!”
George W. Bush: “We all know this guy liked to party Jersey style and that makes him A-OK in my book.”
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
John F. Kennedy: “Too much of a ladies man in his day, but he liked a lady with curves and I am down with that.”

Strangely, the reason for Barack Obama is simply “Yes we can.” which must be some sort of pretend-Guido slang for huge black penis, but I can’t say for certain until The Situation taps my foot two times in a restroom stall. (His conditions, not mine.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. More like Star Spangled Banger, amirite?

  2. DUCKIE

    A pound of make-up, ton of fake-up, one push-up bra and you have
    a Karcashidan extra….yawn.
    Where did the Talent go…America ?????????

    Now there is only fake believe!!!

  3. vekfan

    USA USA USA! lol

  4. El Jefe

    What the hell happened to her face? It is just awful.
    She needs to sue her surgeon for malpractice.

    On the plus side if she ever dates Chris Brown, she will never feel the punches.

  5. Frank Burns

    So when is the Situation going to put out his version of list?
    - Rutherford B. Hayes – cause I know that beard would tickle
    - Jimmy Carter – he was a peanut farmer, so I know he’s good with nuts
    - John Tyler – his son Steven Tyler rocks, so you know JT would too
    - Grover Cleveland – I didn’t know a Muppet could be president, but I’ll get all up in that
    - Herbert Hoover – this guy invented the vacuum cleaner, so you know he sucks real good!

  6. NewGuy

    I want to stick my penis in her vagina.

    • boing

      you’ll have to push aside her penis.

      • Michele

        can’t say i’m surprised. she’s olvoiusby the biggest name on the show (until Heather lockelar shows up) and isn’t brining in viewers, so that’s probably the main reason for her being being fired or at least one of them

  7. Bane

    It’s a shame that body is attached to that face.

  8. JWoww Cleavage MTV Studios
    sooooooosuperficial
    Commented on this photo:

    JBowwWoww has some bangin’ legs.

  9. hmna

    Somebody let Bill Clinton know. He’d totally hit it.

    • Bill Clinton

      Bet I could get my cigar in there without touching the sides. Should be dry enough to smoke while I lean back in the chair and not have sexual relations with that woman.

  10. LegMan

    No doubt, that’s a great New Jersey tan..for February!

  11. Dan

    I dunno… I got a soft spot for JWoww… She looks pretty good to me.

  12. williamwallace

    you made a typo spelling VD

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  14. JWoww Cleavage MTV Studios
    Sin
    Commented on this photo:

    WHAT??? She is covering up her crotch instead of airing that nasty thing out?

  15. JWoww Cleavage MTV Studios
    DeEkEr
    Commented on this photo:

    If yer gonna have a bodyguard, you might as well have one that looks like a total goober.

  16. JWoww Cleavage MTV Studios
    DeEkEr
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking good, Jenni… but that is the wrong bag for that outfit. Don’t you need a personal assistant with a brain? Call me.

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