Thanks to Justin Timberlake having shit taste in friends, everyone’s talking about his wedding to Jessica Biel but only in the context of why the fuck his douchebag buddy Justin Huchel (Huchel. H-U-C-H-E-L) would make homeless people wish them good luck at their $6.5 million ceremony in southern Italy. And, of course, TMZ tracked down one of the homeless dudes who claims he was only paid $40 and had no idea what was happening. Except if you watch the video above, I’d entirely believe this guy was talking about how much TMZ just paid him two minutes earlier and probably doesn’t have the best memory off all the times rich white dudes in LA messed with him.
“Uh, yes, I remember the day exactly. It was September 32nd, 2008, I had just gotten back from Nam and they was spittin’ on me at the airport, callin’ me a ‘gravy killer’ (I ain’t kill no gravy.) when this white boy pulls up in a limo and says, ‘How’d you like to make some money?’ So bein’ the self-made business man that I was, I accepted this offer without question for personal investment. I don’t really remember much after that ‘cept for waking up in this room with some white girl standin’ over me yellin, ‘RUN! He gonna kill you.’ Next thing I know I’m shootin’ this handsome little midget man with a laser gun and ridin’ in one of them escape pods from Star Wars. Ain’t ever sat right since. Anyway, I’d just like to apologize to Mark and Amanda for ruinin’ their wedding. That was not my intent- Top Gun! Mothafucka was in Top Gun. Knew I recognized him.”
Photo: Getty / Video: TMZ