Justin Bieber’s Sad, Thinks He’s Getting Winehoused
Because Selena Gomez’s breasts are apparently like heroin, Justin Bieber has a massive case of the sad feels lately and he doesn’t appreciate everyone being all up in his face about it. In fact, he’s worried the media’s going to force him into five weeks of sobriety followed by a three-day bender that will send his frail body into shock and eventually stop his heart. Just like they did to Amy Winehouse, remember? Via Page Six:
“I watched the Amy Winehouse documentary . . . and I had tears in my eyes because I could see what the media was doing to her, how they were treating her. People thought it was funny to poke her when she was at rock bottom, to keep pushing her down until she had no more of herself. And that’s what they were trying to do to me.”
Fun Fact: It’s currently Bieber Takeover Week on Ellen, where I could be wrong, but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s asking him tough questions like “Justin, why did you just puke on that baby?” or “Justin, is your tit leaking real vodka?” In fact, it seems a whole lot like the world never stops blowing his infuriatingly large dick despite the fact that in terms of music, Amy Winehouse’s four-year-old rotting corpse could record a better track. I really hope Jennifer Lawrence is en route to a pity fuck right now, because that way when I take my own life there will at least be a clear and concise reason.
Remember when I said heroin titties? ~RIDE~THE~SNAKE~