When I turned 19, I was still living with my parents, working retail at Circuit City, going to community college to save money to go a slightly less shitty state college and driving 2.5 hours across frozen western PA tundra just to get a handjob. Justin Bieber, on the other hand, spent his 19th birthday being chauffeured around London with his new girlfriend Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke who he presumably banged later that night. However, he didn’t get into the nightclub he wanted to go because, according to E! News, half of his entourage was underage, so he pouted about it on Twitter to the 35 million people who keep him insanely, filthy rich. And for the record, yes, I am trying to get Justin Bieber’s mom to say, “Okay, maybe I should’ve got that abortion. Wow, what a little shit.” She has to almost be there. Has to be.
Shorter Version: “Look what I did with your money, son! Give your ol’ man a hug! (And more money.)”
Photos: Splash News