Justin Bieber Had A Poopy Birthday :( :( :(

March 4th, 2013 // 42 Comments
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When I turned 19, I was still living with my parents, working retail at Circuit City, going to community college to save money to go a slightly less shitty state college and driving 2.5 hours across frozen western PA tundra just to get a handjob. Justin Bieber, on the other hand, spent his 19th birthday being chauffeured around London with his new girlfriend Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke who he presumably banged later that night. However, he didn’t get into the nightclub he wanted to go because, according to E! News, half of his entourage was underage, so he pouted about it on Twitter to the 35 million people who keep him insanely, filthy rich. And for the record, yes, I am trying to get Justin Bieber’s mom to say, “Okay, maybe I should’ve got that abortion. Wow, what a little shit.” She has to almost be there. Has to be.

Via TooFab:

Shorter Version: “Look what I did with your money, son! Give your ol’ man a hug! (And more money.)”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    THE REALIST1
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like a young man in drag

  2. All I did on my birthday was masturbate to porn. But I do that every day, so whatever.

  3. Tom Cruise

    ” driving 2.5 hours across frozen western PA tundra just to get a handjob”

    Gotta love those interstate highway rest stops…

  4. Maria

    Justin had it in the pooper on his birthday… and loved it.

  5. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    Fish, this is the super hot girlfriend? Once the effect of whatever you had to drink wears off, look at this photo and try that description again.

  6. MD2020

    Was the HJ worth 2.5 hours?

    Or are we talking about a “1.5 hour at best” tug?

  7. What? Was Chuck-e-Cheese closed?

  8. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    “That guy’s waving $100 at me just for a handjob. Should I take it? I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting a handjob about now…”

  9. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “OK: ridiculous haircut, lots of gold jewelry, sort of hottish girlfriend with four names, fuzzy coat, leopard print purse that I pretend is a backpack, women’s earrings, and plastic frame sunglasses that were way too expensive that I wear at night. What am I forgetting? Gosh darnit! I left my shiny electric car thingy with illegal tinted windows at home! Someone find me a new one before I start crying and pounding my fists on the floor!”

  10. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn it, Fish. You promised pictures of a hot girl. Now I have to pull up my pants. Well, I’d probably still have to do it because people start looking at me weird.

  11. Deacon Jones

    This looks like the black trannies that walk around on Locust Street in Philly. What are you smoking Fish?!

  12. A celebrity who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him. Gee, who’da thunk.

  13. jay

    Boody freakin Hooo! My heart bleeds for the little twerp.

  14. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like he enjoys his job.

  15. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    Does he even have to shave?

  16. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    She was born in 1995? wtf….

  17. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    hollyhood
    Commented on this photo:

    the blonde in the background is better looking than his tranny gf. way to go, maple-douche; disappointing so many by doing so little.

  18. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    “Worst birthday ever! Some douche gave me a copy of a Justin Bieber CD!”

  19. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Kris
    Commented on this photo:

    If this is hot, I’d hate to see what ugly looks like. Sheesh.

  20. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Austin (Danger) Powers
    Commented on this photo:

    X-Ray Vision Glasses make a come back!

  21. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Austin (Danger) Powers
    Commented on this photo:

    Justin SPORTS 2 Wrist Watches?
    INORITE!!!?

  22. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    The Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    .
    Dumb face, but rad earrings !
    .

  23. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    FUCKBEAST
    Commented on this photo:

    Woman in the back: “God he’s a douche.”

  24. cc

    If it doesn’t involve him getting a shitkicking, all I can say is that it wasn’t bad enough!

  25. I’m not driving 2.5 hours just to get an HJ. I have hands, so I can get one of those anytime i feel like. Girl better put her mouth to work and I don’t mean conversation.

  26. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    His g/f has a hyphenated first name AS WELL AS last name? Christ, what levels of douche can this guy not reach for and attain?

  27. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    Where is the hot girl? Hell, this is not even a hot dude which I am pretty sure this is.

  28. ivan

    How about getting the facts straight before spewing forth this sites usual hatred toward this kid. The paps have been plain rude to him, certain clubs have also been. Several witnesses including pictures and a video support Justin’s side of the story. the site gossipcom.com, which investigates bullcrap about celebrities from sites like TMZ which instigate hate toward this kid, has exposed many of there allegations.

  29. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    sc4play
    Commented on this photo:

    Did we stay in the spray tan booth too long or is homeboy dating sistas now?

  30. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s better that he didnt get in so the DJ didnt have to play “Dude Looks Like a Lady.”

  31. zoe

    Who dresses him?

  32. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    yenjvoy
    Commented on this photo:

    “I joined the army, went through boot camp, special forces training, ranger school, delta force training and 5 tours of duty of desert combat because I wanted to buy McDonalds for the douchiest kid in the world and his entourage when I grew up. Yes, thats why.” – Justin Bieber’s bodyguard.

  33. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    jaime
    Commented on this photo:

    17 going on 30.

  34. kery

    He is a douche!!! and that girl is so average ;)

  35. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Whatever
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a 30 year old woman…. Bi woman.

  36. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Tassia
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s black taylor swift.

  37. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    sitsdeep
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that a weave??

  38. Justin Bieber Birthday Ella-Paige Roberts-Clarke
    Commented on this photo:

    I have a girl boner for Justin’s bodyguard. I have a thing for quiet bald guys with nice biceps.

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