Aw, Shit, Here Comes The Hardest Motherf*cker On The Planet

January 23rd, 2014 // 48 Comments
And The Mugshot
Justin Bieber DUI Mug Shot Smiling
Kid's Going To Be Candy In Prison. CANDY. Read More »

When you hire a lawyer like Roy Black who famously helped William Kennedy Smith duck rape charges in 1991, so I have no idea why Justin Bieber would have his number on hand, none at all, you should probably be very concerned if he doesn’t tell you to roll down your fucking sleeves and stop acting like one DUI makes you the hardest Canadian in D-block before meeting with a judge. Then again, when you’re Justin Bieber, you do what you want, and what you want does you, naw mean? More importantly, just when Katy Perry‘s breasts made me think there really might be a God, Justin Bieber has completely ruined any chances of that by not having this happen to him:

JUSTIN: Yo, judge, how you livin’?
JUDGE: Mr. Bieber, sit down. Do you understand the charges that brought you here today?
JUSTIN: I understand Miami’s got a problem with lettin’ a thug be a thug. *turns to black bailiff* My nigga here knows what’s up.
BAILIFF: *shoots Justin Bieber in the face, receives full presidential pardon*

When you’re the all-powerful creator of the universe, how hard could it be to make something like that happen? It’d be like making a sandwich.

Photos: Splash News


  1. I’d like to see him #PAULWALKER

  2. What character is she in Orange Is The New Black?

  3. Hugh G. Rection

    Considering how the little douchebag been spinning out of control, his handlers (for want of a better term) probably had Roy Black on retainer.

    • Lord Helmet

      Pretty sure they were letting him get out of control on purpose. His career is over as far as the 12 year old fan base is concerned. And as they say in showbiz, any attention is better than no attention.

      • Hugh G. Rection

        Somehow Miley Cyrus pulled off the “being bad in order to move on to an adult audience” idea. I don’t think it’s working out for the little dickwad though.

      • Haywood Jablome

        The only difference I can see is that she has tits and is somewhat showing them off, we are happy to accept that as her “shedding” the diney image, he’s just an unforgivable little cunt!

      • Haywood Jablome

        Disney image…that was supposed to be Disney image

  4. GOD DAMN I’m loving these bad mutha Biebass reports! Keem ‘em cummin’ yo!

  5. ruckus

    And thus started Justin’s rap career.

  6. I posted this in one of the old threads earlier, and I wanted to re-post it here. Not because anyone should give a shit what I think, or that I’m even insightful, but because this is legitimately what our society is morphing into and it scares and angers me to the point of going postal.

    From his mug shot, you can tell he’s really broken up over the whole incident. Fucking little asshole. He doesn’t give one shit. He has more money than he could spend in ten lifetimes. In this day and age people don’t just stop being famous anymore. If you were famous for one specific thing, and you either don’t do that thing anymore or no one wants to buy what you produce, then guess what? You just go on being famous for being famous and the money keeps piling up.

    And the best part of this whole scenario? It’s the poorest and dumbest that keep handing you their money so they can worship you for no fucking reason whatsoever. You become the 1% by pretending to be the 1% until the dumber portion of the 99% actually make you the 1%. And all you have to do is live the phony, stupid and make-believe life they pay you to lead and provide the worst possible example of humanity at all times.

    Honestly, why should he give a fuck how anyone feels about what he does? There are literally no consequences to him behaving anyway he likes. It has been more than ten fucking years since Lindsay Lohan did anything anyone gave a shit about other than be an absolute piece of shit trainwreck, but she’s still in the press every fucking day. And now Oprah has decided to descend from her summer home on Mt. Olympus to tell us all that LL is a movie star again because Oprah wills it to be so. And it will probably work.

    And the reason is, as always, 90% of Americans are complete and total fucking morons.

  7. The attourney is called Roy Black ? That’s too funny, because there was a German crooner with that name who made songs like this:

  8. hilarious write up fish

  9. Orange is the new douche.

  10. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Commented on this photo:

    forget the sleeves! who let his fucking hairdresser in there?

  11. News Flash

    TMZ has a story that Justin Bieber says his mom gave him the prescription meds he was allegedly on when busted.

  12. Dox

    They need to house him with La eMe.
    He’ll either beg for release, immediately retreat back to Canada, surround himself with mooses… meeses?
    and give up on the “thug” life…. or La eMe will brutally beat him into a coma. Either way, its a straight win.

  13. at last he and little Pizza will be reunited!

  14. prison nickname: Maple doughnut. He could even get a taylor momsen type tattoo on his back with the words “maple doughnut” pointing to his anus.

  15. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s time to deport that talentless fuck.

  16. You can see things sinkng in, in successive pictures.

  17. cc

    “Police on the scene, You know what I mean
    They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends
    If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it
    Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it”

  18. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Commented on this photo:

    Ice Ice baby..

  19. And Bubba says: “Put that bitch in here with me.”

    • We had fun in the Iso showers with him. He was used all the time. You think he chrewing on his tounge. He had something else in it and he was trying to spit it out. It was my cum. He had sallow about 8 ejaclation the 9th one he had trouble getting down because it most likey taste nastier then the other ones. So he was chrewing Dry cum. It only took a minute for him to be mounted by me He had a tight hole until I got done with him it went for this side o to this O and we were done and he went to court and got bail out a hour later. No one noticed the lipping he was doing as he was walking he said it was a cramp no it wasn’t he was my Sweet baby. I got out a hour after he got out.

  20. Robb7

    Look at his parents. He’s doomed.

  21. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Kane Creole
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s up with his lip? It looks messed up, and in the other CCTV pic too.

    How sweet would it be if it wound up that someone had tuned him up a little between the mugshot pic and this one? Daaaaang…

    • Some one did and you are talking to him. He started shit talking in the shower. He drop the soap and did a baseball catching stanace but he forgot to do one thing keep his mouth shut and in my 12inch fully erect went. All the other inmates in the shower was saying yes you like that don’t you pretty boy. He tried to get away but another inmate push him foward with his hand. He was actly getting turn on because his dick was getting bigger. I release to soon he had no problem sallowing the 8th cum but the 9th I think got some air and he had trouble because he kept his mouth shut after that. But about a hour after he left two hour after that someone bail me out. Now that I think about it could of it been him. I’ve been getting these wierd phone number and it maybe his.

  22. This is what would happen to Beiber in prison.

  23. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Isaac Levy
    Commented on this photo:

    He slept in the cell with four Mike Tyson clones.

  24. tlmck

    The “hood” raises such classy kids.

  25. R Kelly

    Yo dis dedicated to my homo…er homie dawg

    I used to think that I could just go on
    Releasing all these awful songs
    But now I know the meaning of true love
    I found in my cellmate bubba’s arms

    If I can’t see it, then I can do it
    If I just beliebe it, there’s nothing to it

    I beliebe I can fly
    I beliebe I can touch the sky
    I think about it every night and day
    As I…..
    Spread my cheeks, Bubba’s turned me gay
    I beliebe I”ll be sore
    Bubba’s pounding on my backdooorrr..
    I beliebe I can fly
    I beliebe I can fly
    I beliebe I can fly

    See I was just a small, white ass-clown
    Amusing my stoopid pre-teen crowd
    It’s a miracle that I was ever able to achieve
    Now karma means Bubba’s gonna finish inside of me, oh

    If I can see it, then I can be it
    If I just beliebe it, there’s nothing to it


    Hey, cause I beliebe in me, ow

    If I can see it, then I can do it (I can do it)
    If I just beliebe it, there’s nothing to it


    Hey, if I just spread my cheeks
    I can fly
    I can fly
    I can fly, hey……
    If I just spread my cheeks
    I can fly-eye-eye-eye
    Hum, fly-eye-eye

  26. Justin Bieber Prison Jumpsuit Sleeves Rolled Up Tattoos
    Throb the Wonder Bull
    Commented on this photo:

    It will NOT be ‘hair product’ keepin’ his hair STIFF if he went to general population !

    You know, tons of cum from all the inmates bangin’ him.

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