Aw, Shit, Here Comes The Hardest Motherf*cker On The Planet

When you hire a lawyer like Roy Black who famously helped William Kennedy Smith duck rape charges in 1991, so I have no idea why Justin Bieber would have his number on hand, none at all, you should probably be very concerned if he doesn’t tell you to roll down your fucking sleeves and stop acting like one DUI makes you the hardest Canadian in D-block before meeting with a judge. Then again, when you’re Justin Bieber, you do what you want, and what you want does you, naw mean? More importantly, just when Katy Perry’s breasts made me think there really might be a God, Justin Bieber has completely ruined any chances of that by not having this happen to him:

JUSTIN: Yo, judge, how you livin’?
JUDGE: Mr. Bieber, sit down. Do you understand the charges that brought you here today?
JUSTIN: I understand Miami’s got a problem with lettin’ a thug be a thug. *turns to black bailiff* My nigga here knows what’s up.
BAILIFF: *shoots Justin Bieber in the face, receives full presidential pardon*

When you’re the all-powerful creator of the universe, how hard could it be to make something like that happen? It’d be like making a sandwich.

Photos: Splash News