Shit, Y’All Know Dave & Buster’s Is #BBare’s House

August 26th, 2014 // 26 Comments
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YO! Getcha ass up off my boy’s skeeball. AND STAY OUT DA BALL PIT. Tap Maple Zizzurp:

Justin and Selena Gomez were at Dave & Buster’s Monday night when a fan started taking cell phone pics and video of the two. Law enforcement sources say … Justin lunged at the guy … in an attempt to take his cell phone and presumably erase the pics and video.
Justin’s security held him back and he never made contact with the fan.
Police were called but before they arrived Justin booked it out of there.
Our law enforcement sources say the fan wants to press charges and Justin is being investigated … and the possible crimes are attempted battery, attempted theft (stealing the pics) and attempted robbery (grabbing the camera in an attempt to permanently deprive the fan of the pics and video).

Let me make this Crystal Light clear: ALL Y’ALL PHONES BELONG TO #BBARE. You may think you signin’ a contract with AT&T or Verizon or mothafuckin Sprint, but in actuality, you signin’ a contract to hand that shit over to #BBare if he don’t like you takin’ dem pictures. Ya see, sometimes my boy needs to have a quiet night with his girl like errbody else. Take her to dinner, get dat pussy with some Dave & Buster‘s as pussies do, and then drop dem panties with a Frosty on the way home. It’s a beautiful thing dat y’all up and ruin when you up in his face with dat cameraphone. And my boy coulda killed y’all, too, but you lucky he on parole. (And used all his bullets on Suge. WHAT.) So remember dat shit for next time: Let a nigga be Batman, man. Let him be Batman.

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  1. Is there some sort of hard pipe hittin’ n___a rental store where he finds these guys for instagram pics?

  2. Every time I see this guy, I imagine I smell salad dressing and fish… must be because he’s a douche.

  3. What’s this new bronze commenter thingie?

    Also, Fuck Justin Bieber in his ass with a rusty pipe.

    • Dox

      Its probably what caused the site to crash. That and the four hundred thousand scripts they try to cram into every page… because… profit rules morals.

      Also, Do not fuck Justin Beiber anywhere…. at least not with a hazmat team and immediate decon.

      HOLY SHIT THERES AN EDIT OPTION! WE HAVE OFFICALLY ENTERED THE 20TH CENTURY LADIES AND GENTELMAN!!!! WOOOHOOO!

  4. This is just media sensationalism. The real story is he won 300 tickets playing skee ball and was going to get Selena a hair clip with them, but instead got a sweet temporary tattoo of a skull saying “I’m a fucking douchebag”

  5. I seriously am incapable of reading these “BBare” posts…but this means I get to live my life knowing less about Bieber so it’s win-win really.

  6. JC

    Maybe this is how the battle is won–death by a thousand cuts. Eventually he’ll be in court, and the judge will say, “Well, today we have an additional 867 misdemeanor charges, so…you know what? Fuck this. Life in prison.”

  7. Far from me to defend Dweeber for anything short of being allow to breathe… but how exactly can someone press felony charges on an attacker when, according to the article, said attacker didn’t even touch him?

    • JC

      In a nutshell, it’s because you can be charged with assault for taking a swing at someone. Battery is added if you actually connect.

    • Dox

      An assault is carried out by a threat of bodily harm coupled with an apparent, present ability to cause the harm.

      Essentially, in the criminal code you can threaten to kick someones ass and that’s considered assault. Without video/audio or a whole lot of witnesses most da’s wont prosecute since its usually not enough to get a conviction. However, in this case…. it is quite possible he has witnesses and video/audio.
      Also, you can have different forms of assault, such as Aggravated which involves a deadly weapon, sexual assault, and some states differentiate in degrees the severity of the assault. Battery, is more or less making contact with the person…. so if you swing and miss its assault, if you swing and hit, its assault and battery, if you swing with a knife its aggravated assault…etc etc.

      Take notes, there’s a quiz later.

      Edit… almost forgot, theres also civil and criminal assault as well. So while the DA may choose not prosecute on a criminal level, you can still sue Beiber…. and civil trials are usually a little less strict than criminal. However, any part of a civil suit against Beiber would require filing charges in the first place….
      See where this is going?

  8. Hmm

    How has someone that looks like the dude in the red sweatshirt manage to have gone through life without being gunned down by the police or other people that look like him?

  9. Joe Blow

    Yeah… #BBare and gangsta-speak!!!

  10. The saddest thing about this story is that someone cared enough to take pics of Justin & Selena. If I take my phone out around these two assholes, it’ll be to watch some porn or something. Anything’s more interesting than these two clowns.

  11. Sean in London

    These Bieber posts are getting increasingly racist. I dont see how spoofing black people constitutes taking the piss out of Bieber (who I agree is the ultimate douchebag). Just saying some of your readers may find this offensive

    • …oh well, fuck ‘em …they can go the way of all those sensitive conservatives if they don’t like it (BTW: if you were paying attention you’d know that bieber’s entire persona is a spoof on black folks, so THAT’S how it’s relevant) …when/if fish ever fucks up, trust me, he’ll hear about it.

    • D-chi

      Normally I’d agree, but I think the point of the #BBare posts is to satirize Bieber’s accessorizing of the black community.

  12. Miley Cyrusis aslut

    The saddest part of this whole tale is the fact that Fish wasted his talent writing apiece about this assclown in the first place.

  13. Celebrities can damage their image by associating with people below their social standing. Dave and Buster should be more careful about who they hang around with.

  14. Selena Gomez Implants
    LilStar
    Commented on this photo:

    They told her it could lead to blindness…

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