Justin Bieber Rolled Over On His Mom?!! #DAAAAAMNN #calljerry

January 24th, 2014 // 49 Comments
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As the inescapable, innumerable, predeterminable saga of Justin Bieber, The Mephistopheles of Murda-Town, unfolds WORLDWIDE, welcome to the icest, ice-cold chapter of Ice-Man’s big balla brotha, motherfucking Freeze-Bone, because #disnigga here just rolled over on his moms. HIS OWN MOMS. Tupac and Biggie ain’t even that cold. Crack it off, TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, cops grilled Bieber on what substances he had ingested before his arrest … and the singer admitted he was under the influence of Rx meds, alcohol, and weed.
When asked what kind of Rx meds, we’re told Bieber said anti-anxiety (such as Xanax) but he wasn’t sure exactly what kind … because he just takes whatever his mom Pattie gives him.
It’s unclear if he has his own prescriptions for the drugs — and his mom just handles them — or if he’s using his mom’s prescriptions … which would be illegal.

Now, I know what y’all mothafuckas are thinkin’. “Patty Mallet didn’t give Justin Bieber no drugs. Those were Flintstone vitamins!” But y’all best check yourselves because that shit’s devil lies, and there’s something y’all might want to know about B-Bare’s pops ‘fore ya go working for Satan. Jigga fights DEMONS. In #REALLIFE:

And the mothafucking truth shall set you free. Mad Papa B-Bare laying down the gospel on your asses. For you see, when an OG walks in the valley of the shadow of doubt, can’t no mothafucka snatch him up and try to suffropress him with the laws of man. For the B-Bare’s Lord is a righteous God, and his Lambo’s be speeding while them honey’s be popping. First FUCKTHAPOLICE-lonians 1:87. #TROOF

Photos: INFphoto

superficial

  1. Looks like next harvest will be even better. (begins demonic chant)

    • malaka

      so, his dad is randy marsh from that old fingerbang episode.
      that’s what i got from this story.

      • We have learned some shocking things from the police booking:

        Justin Bieber is 5’9″!

        I always thought he was 5’6″ or so.

        I didn’t know they stacked shit that high. All 140 pounds of it.

  2. All hail Justin,Lord of the Siththy.

  3. Beltliner

    I knew his mother was a tool, but I didn’t realize his dad was the King of Idiot Douchetown too. No wonder the kid is a complete fartsplat.

  4. What are the odds that, by the end of the weekend, this asshole will be in some pseudo-rehab place that his lawyer and publicist picked?

    • I was thinking the same thing. Here’s what I’m going with: his lawyer will argue that his mom failed to tell him about potential drug interactions; as a result the poor dear didn’t know that Xanax and alcohol were a bad mix; and therefore, gee your honor, he’s had a little trouble with impulse control, but four weeks on a golf course, I mean in a rehab facility, will straighten him out.

      • What’s really pathetic is that B-Dawg, or Lil Maple, or whatever the the fuck this boy calls himself, doesn’t realise that he is a poor imitation of Vanilla Ice.

        Well, it’s sort of comedy, but it’s not even that funny.

    • The Big Lie

      He’s already there. Guaranteed it’s the headline on Monday.
      BTW, his lawyer made the entire Miami thing go away.

      Haters need to consider, he’s 5’9″ in CANADIAN inches.
      That’s why Selena is 1″-2″ taller than he is (She’s 5’5″).

  5. JC

    Fish, I’m worried about you, bro. You’re going to get self-inflicted brain damage from writing so many posts in this “style.”

  6. Senor Trout

    Sounds like the dad learned at least one lesson at that Lohan-Cyrus Parenting Seminar he attended – make bizarre, seemingly pointless statements via social media as often as possible.

  7. Cock Dr

    “Those were Flintstone vitamins!”
    Or some sort of hormones. The poor child obviously needs some.

  8. Justin Bieber On Top Of SUV Waving To Fans After Jail Release DUI Arrest
    Justin's Mom
    Commented on this photo:

    What a douche bag.

  9. Your Mom

    Its the new American way alcohol and weed mixed with prescription drugs to enter the cycle of miserable dependence! Thanks Obama!

    • Rubick's Doob

      Wait, what? Do you mean to tell me that my cousin who died in 1994 from a Valium and alcohol OD was visited by a time traveling Obama and he was the reason? That’s some mind blowing superhero shit right there.

    • BlinkyTheFish

      Obama’s the president of now Canada too? I knew things had changed since I left the States, but not that much…

  10. Bubba

    Whatever, she’s cute that Justine bird. I call dibs.

    • Hot Maple Syrup

      Nah, nah, I called firsts on Monday!

      She bought a serious set of “Perry” bolt-ons,
      and after a tummy tuck, face lift and dental implants
      (from 2011) she’s seriously hot. The Maple MILF is hot!

  11. Your Beiber write-ups are hilarious.

  12. Justin Bieber On Top Of SUV Waving To Fans After Jail Release DUI Arrest
    Judas Iscariot
    Commented on this photo:

    Perp walk of fame.

  13. Justin Bieber On Top Of SUV Waving To Fans After Jail Release DUI Arrest
    Judas Iscariot
    Commented on this photo:

    Smirk of fame.

  14. Justin Bieber On Top Of SUV Waving To Fans After Jail Release DUI Arrest
    Judas Iscariot
    Commented on this photo:

    Where’s the flood?

  15. Justin Bieber On Top Of SUV Waving To Fans After Jail Release DUI Arrest
    WreckingBalls
    Commented on this photo:

    Smug little pendejo.

  16. right

    Send this asshole back to canada, where he belongs.

  17. BlinkyTheFish

    I really hope this incident inspires parents to confiscate their kids’ Bieber merchandise and toss it in a bonfire. He was at a Krusty level of merchandising (Krusty’s home pregnancy test – may cause birth defects!)

  18. JC

    Couldn’t someone introduce this little puke to the Olsen twins? I hear they make an Ambien/vodka cocktails that’s just killer.

  19. Grinnin’ like a motherfucker stuck
    Can you put your middle finger up on the Segway gettin’ fucked off – Maple Sizzurp
    Selena can’t control it
    Usher pass me the blunt and let me roll it
    Somethin Somethin fat stack
    I’m fo sho black
    I’ll be a mack and egg your house Jack
    And tell me what does it take to be a B?

  20. You know how this ends, don’t you?

    Justin marries (oops, I mean impregnates her, OGs don’t marry their babymamas) Selena, she has four kids and never loses the weight. She ends up looking the way Linda Ronstadt does now, except at the age of 30…

    Justin goes in and out of rehab and ends up on a D-celebrity list reality show…

    Justin “finds Jesus” (and none of us knew he was lost) and becomes a “Christian rapper”…

    What’s really, really sad is that this poor boy actually seems to believe he is a hardcore “gangsta”. He’s about as “street” as Annette Funicello.

  21. malaka

    i mean cmon man. chill fo reals.
    this guy thinks he’s cooler than any of you will ever be.

  22. Margaret

    Wow his “dad” is an even bigger douche than he is. So the courts and the law and reality are “enemies and liars” and vanilla ice and his dad are the truths. Hooray for us all.

  23. buzz

    #Hashtaggershoulddie
    #JeremyBieberis2oldtobedoingdisshit

  24. Hot Maple Syrup

    Fast forward to 2016…
    “Would you like fries with that Sir?”

  25. cmonreally

    So, TMZ is now reporting that the police report could’ve been falsified and that Bieber only blew a .014. They say that he’s probably not going to have shit done to him.

  26. Jeremy Bieber Justin Miami
    Commented on this photo:

    It all makes sense now.

  27. circuit

    The whole “prescription drugs came from my mom” thing is bullshit, he hardly ever interacts with his mom anymore.

  28. Can’t wait for Bieb-bone to be boned #DISPRISONBITCH.

  29. He’s Lohan 2.0 with those two shitbag parents. *grabs popcore & beer*

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