Justin Bieber Made Me Feel Sorry For Lindsay Lohan, What The Hell Just Happened?

In case almost every single move Justin Bieber made in London wasn’t enough proof this kid’s primed for a downfall, he went on an Instagram rant this morning blasting the media and basically letting us all know he’s God’s maple-gift to the world in case we forgot. Also, don’t compare him to Lindsay Lohan who didn’t at all have millions of dollars in the bank when she was 19 then completely flamed out. Someone just made that up. Via Gossip Cop:

“I’m tired of all the countless lies in the press right now. Saying I’m going to rehab and how my family is disappointed in me. My family is beyond proud,” Bieber said in the since-erased statement.
He continued, “If Anyone believes i need rehab thats their own stupidity lol I’m 19 with 5 number one albums, 19 and I’ve seen the whole world. 19 and I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of, i’m 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning. I know my talent level and i know i got my head on straight. i know who i am and i know who i’m not My messege is to to believe.”
“I honestly don’t care if you don’t believe in me because I believe in me, and look where that’s gotten me so far… I’m writing this with a smile on my face and love in my heart,” explained The Biebs.
The singer added, “Letting u know first hand how I feel rather than have these story linger. I’m a good person with a big heart. And don’t think I deserve all of this negative press I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am and my hard work doesn’t stop here. i’m growing up finding myself while having people watch me and criticise me everyday i think im doing pretty damn good.”
Bieber allegedly concluded, “And to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;).”

Just for the record, a significant part of how I earn a living is pointing out that Lindsay Lohan puts old, wealthy penises in her mouth for money, and that last line even made me say, “Yeesh, that was uncalled for.” So, thank you, Justin Bieber, for making me feel genuine concern for Lindsay Lohan and now I have to call Mike Frey and ask him if that’s how you get AIDS.

UPDATE: Apparently if she doesn’t have one of those “gay penises” that injects “HIV eggs” into the town reservoir via butt sex, I should be good.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN