Justin Bieber Made Me Feel Sorry For Lindsay Lohan, What The Hell Just Happened?

March 14th, 2013 // 56 Comments
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In case almost every single move Justin Bieber made in London wasn’t enough proof this kid’s primed for a downfall, he went on an Instagram rant this morning blasting the media and basically letting us all know he’s God’s maple-gift to the world in case we forgot. Also, don’t compare him to Lindsay Lohan who didn’t at all have millions of dollars in the bank when she was 19 then completely flamed out. Someone just made that up. Via Gossip Cop:

“I’m tired of all the countless lies in the press right now. Saying I’m going to rehab and how my family is disappointed in me. My family is beyond proud,” Bieber said in the since-erased statement.
He continued, “If Anyone believes i need rehab thats their own stupidity lol I’m 19 with 5 number one albums, 19 and I’ve seen the whole world. 19 and I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of, i’m 19 and it must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning. I know my talent level and i know i got my head on straight. i know who i am and i know who i’m not My messege is to to believe.”
“I honestly don’t care if you don’t believe in me because I believe in me, and look where that’s gotten me so far… I’m writing this with a smile on my face and love in my heart,” explained The Biebs.
The singer added, “Letting u know first hand how I feel rather than have these story linger. I’m a good person with a big heart. And don’t think I deserve all of this negative press I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am and my hard work doesn’t stop here. i’m growing up finding myself while having people watch me and criticise me everyday i think im doing pretty damn good.”
Bieber allegedly concluded, “And to those comparing me to Lindsay Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements ;).”

Just for the record, a significant part of how I earn a living is pointing out that Lindsay Lohan puts old, wealthy penises in her mouth for money, and that last line even made me say, “Yeesh, that was uncalled for.” So, thank you, Justin Bieber, for making me feel genuine concern for Lindsay Lohan and now I have to call Mike Frey and ask him if that’s how you get AIDS.

UPDATE: Apparently if she doesn’t have one of those “gay penises” that injects “HIV eggs” into the town reservoir via butt sex, I should be good.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. Ah, so it’s money that makes all the difference! Glad we cleared that up… because no wealthy, famous people have ever in history died penniless and unknown.

  2. vandinz

    Yep, wearing a gas mask in the street says to me you’ve got your head on straight. I’ll give it two years and he’s tried to top himself. Tick and indeed tock.

  3. I’m for putting that dickbag, Lindsay Lohan, anyone named Kardashian or Jenner, Russell Brand and Will Smith’s kids on a helicopter and flying it low and slow over an Al Qaeda base while screaming “Allah’s a pig fucker” over the loudspeaker.

  4. vandinz

    Oh and “I honestly don’t care if you don’t believe” … goes on a rant about people not believing in him. Cuckoo!

  5. karlito

    sounds like rant of desperation to me. I’m great, I’m special, God loves me, not you…. blah blah blah. Beibs…take a break…like from now on to infinity.

  6. Juano

    Well, the gas mask is somewhat interesting, but I think you need to give this kid a break. He isn’t getting into fights at clubs, going on drunken rampages and chasing cars around at high speed, or beating his girlfriend up. He probably is just feeling the pressure of being scrutinized all the time.

  7. I’m mostly just really impressed that he knows that “could’ve” is not “could of”. He’s ok in my book.

  8. Cock Dr

    This won’t end well but it will be funny to watch this kid choking on his own overflowing hubris.

  9. Randal

    Good for you, Justin.

    Haters will always exist when people are successful, and you’re one of the many successful people around today. You’ve accomplished so much at such a young age that many can only dream of, and sadly, those people sometimes feel the need to spread negativity.

    Don’t forget the positive influence you’ve made on millions of people! Stay focused on who you are and what’s inside your heart and you’ll make another 5 number one albums by the time you’re 29.


    • Colin

      Gosh, I’m so glad you wrote this heartfelt comment here. Directly to him. After all, what better place to write a letter to someone than in the comments section of a website that consistently disparages them? I’m sure he’ll read this any second now; I’ll bet he’s probably read it already. Hell, I’ll bet he wrote it.

    • Randal, I’ve personally spoken to each and every celebrity you defend here, and they all think you’re a moron. OK. Moron.

    • Just this once

      Randal, I believe you are what is called an enabler. Enablers tend to help people reach their train wreck end more quickly while attempting to do the “right thing”. Or is this an evil plan?

  10. “It must be scary to some people to think that this is just the beginning.” Yes. I’m one of these. I hate his music, and I hate dodging it in the car, in the dentist’s waiting room, at the bar, etc. My only hope is that I’ll like him better once his voice changes.

  11. Inner Retard

    Doesn’t sound like a guy with love in his heart. More like a pissed off midget mumbling to himself while feverishly jerking off in the dark because everyone’s talking about how he can’t cut it.

  12. Colin

    I’ll agree with him though. Lindsay Lohan DOES suck on a lot of old penises. Justin only sucks Usher’s, and Usher is certainly not old.

  13. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    In 5 years, I hope he looks back on this moment while he is sucking dick for a warm meal.

  14. jep

    “I’m writing this with a smile on my face and love in my heart, and a giant black dick up my ass,” explained The Biebs.

  15. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    Apparently the mustard gas attack Beiber sought to avoid gave him spina bifida.

  16. Aggie

    “…I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of”.

    I’m glad he knows education and a basic understanding of how to write in English were always beyond his reach.

    • Burt

      “I’m 19 and I can’t spell”

      • Aggie and Butt, I don’t like to be “that guy”, but if you’re gonna correct someone’s spelling, make sure you’re correct first.

        “I’ve accomplished more than I could’ve ever dreamed of” is a contraction of “I have accomplished more than I could have ever dreamed of”. This is correct. Could’ve is “could have”, not “could of”, as way to many semi-English speakers seem to think. While the ending “of” is not needed, it is not incorrect.

      • “as way to many semi-English ”
        TOO! It’s TOO ya BERK!!!!

      • Burt

        He doesn’t know that the pronoun ‘I’ must be capitalized. What the heck is a “messege”. It’s not “first hand” but ‘firsthand’. I could go on if you like.

      • Just this once

        He finished his sentence with a preposition. In a short while all conversations with him will end in a proposition.

  17. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s finally gone “Wacko Jacko” crazy.

  18. ChaCha

    Has anyone ever thought more highly of a celebrity after one of these “whaa, whaa” social media rants? Ever? I’ve gone from indifference to further indifference, indifference to dislike, and from dislike to loathing, but that’s pretty much it.

    • what

      If you’re a celebrity and you’re too stupid to listen to your publicist when they say “don’t fuckin’ post whiny shit you big idiot” then you’re probably at the point where you’re too fame-filled to know what’s good for you, anyway. I can’t blame the guy because literally 100% of his fame comes from tweens that thrive on this whiny crap, but he’s still not doing himself any favors with the people who aren’t in that category.

  19. Dr. J

    What’s with famous young male singers/slash/dancers, their infatuation with Jesus, and their seeing themselves as basically Jesus only without the gown, but with all that long walk up a hill with a cross of martyrdom and suffering? It’s because they get put on wires and levitate all around adoring multitudes during their concerts I bet. Also, this letter sounds like the letters I used to write my parents when they grounded me for travesties of justice like going to McDonald’s without permission.

  20. Burt

    Thanks, you’ve sure showed us…that fame and money can’t buy intelligence nor maturity.

    • Fame and money often mean “no life” and “few friends and fewer chances to actually SPEND money”. Go give him a break. Besides, he’s Canajun, eh, and spending too much time in England can expose you to some vile creatures.

  21. Well someone farted in the car and he is not going to take the blame for that one. So on goes the gas mask.

  22. red

    Who gives a fuck

  23. Don’t worry, Justin is only showing a perfectly natural reaction. His body is fighting off the disease that makes about one third of all Englishmen as gay as a freakin’ jaybird, and makes most of the rest into leering woman-hating assholes. Fight that infection, Juss!

  24. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    “Are you my mummy?”

  25. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    “hey! he’s walking into glass again !”

  26. logan

    Ah, Skippy is upset because he just realized he only has a short time left in the lime light. Unlike Lohan he probably has millions to see himself through the rough times ahead. Lohan has become a verb. Such as “I Lohaned my car last night, but thank god I wasn’t driving” or “I just borrowed the necklace, I didn’t Lohan it” She is a drug induced idiot.

  27. Anon

    He is becoming the inverse Michael Jackson.

  28. Justin Bieber Gas Mask Deleted Instagram Rant Lindsay Lohan Diss
    Commented on this photo:

    Doctor Who :D

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