Justin Bieber and His Dad Got Matching Jesus Tattoos
“If wine squirts out, I’m so sorry!”
I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but at some point stereotypically white Christian guys decided to start getting tattoos despite Leviticus 19:28 explicitly saying, “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.” But in their defense, the parts of The Bible you don’t like don’t count because sometimes the infallible, omnipotent space being you worship doesn’t know what the fuck He’s talking about. So they rationalized their actions by claiming it’s to show how spiritual they are when, lets be frank, it’s really to compensate for the fact that there’s nothing more square than a white Christian conservative. Coincidentally, this is also around the time tattoos stopped being badass – unless you’re a Hell’s Angel or combat vet – and became the distinct marking of douchebags. (Still hot on chicks, for the record.) So, naturally, TheJustinBieberShrine.com just posted NAMBLA-erotic pics of Justin Bieber and his dad getting matching tattoos of “Jesus” written in Hebrew right before he jetted off to Hawaii with Selena Gomez. And as much smack as I just talked back there, Holy shit, did it work. And how. I already tattooed “Balls Goliath” in Aramaic under my armpit then showed it to people at the mall to get the word out.
And now, The Waiting Game…