Justin Bieber is Grounded

January 5th, 2011 // 79 Comments

NOTE: Yes, I know these pics are from June, but I’d literally have to sell my body and five of yours to afford the exclusive rights of Justin and Selena kissing over the weekend. I mean, I’m willing to do it, but I get first pick of the johns if we’re going to do this. Don’t hate the player.

After seeing photos all over the Internet of her son Justin Bieber kissing Selena Gomez on a yacht in St. Lucia, Pattie Lynn Mallette immediately booked it down there to get her cockblock on. Whether that’s because Christians prefer their Messiahs non-procreative or she legitimately doesn’t want grandkids, we’ll never know. Page Six reports:

The teen stars, who were holidaying with friends, were also seen kissing and cuddling around a private resort on the northern part of the island together. But their cover was blown when a member of their party posted a picture on Twitter. A source told us, “Justin and Selena arrived on a private jet together from Atlanta with friends and his manager. They then took a helicopter together to the resort, where they stayed in two villas and celebrated New Year’s Eve.

Jesus Christ. Private jets? Helicopters? VILLAS? Do you know how I got laid when I was a horny teenager? In a car or right next to a window so I could whip my pants back on if my parents came home early. Shit, I would’ve been ecstatic if someone gave me a half-ripped tent to use, but a secret island? Goddammit.

Someone help me nail this kid to a cross. I think it’s time.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Cock Dr

    Do you want to hold him down while I get the nails?

  2. Mortimer Duke

    Mama wont allow it because she Mexican or something like that. Thats why Ben Affleck and J. Ho broke up. His white mama said no to the Latino.

  3. Turd Ferguson

    Cute girl.

  4. Justin Bieber walks into an inn, puts a hammer and nails down on the counter and says to the innkeper, “Can you put me up for the night?”

    Thank you, I’m here all week. Try the veal.

  5. Mother mary doesn’t like her she-Jesus having any lesbian affairs.

  6. Talk about laying down the Mallette…

  7. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    So, she’s already had a boob job.

  8. DOucHe BaGELs

    Beiber going for the beaver….that a boy!

  9. Rhialto

    What have we ever?! Is this all still legal?

  10. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Reggie Rhino
    Commented on this photo:

    Selena is of Italian and Mexican descent. Her mother is Italian and her father is Mexican.
    I still have to wonder just how much of this story is gossipmonger embellishment since Selena supposed travels just about everywhere with her mom,Mandy and step-dad.
    Also it seems weird to me that the images here from June and the ones that are being passed around as being from St Lucia last weekend show Selena in the same bathing suit and it is from her movie, “Capri”.
    The very first image which accompanied this story about the getaway in St. Lucia has been proven to be Photoshop’d so whose to say the content of the others aren’t being exaggerated by the gossip sites just to garner hits.
    The site that had the total group of images has had them removed by their Host or ISP , who is citing confidential and privacy rules as a reason not to discuss their removal. Sometimes you just have to wonder what is real and what is the unscrupulous attempt by a site owner or other individual to profit from a star’s recognition factor.
    Of course, if I were Justin Beiber and a chica like Selena Gomez was hanging around me all friendly like in that bathing suit, I’d be trying my best to separate her from said suit as quickly as humanly possible.Props to the kid for having good taste in women.

  11. youcandieNOW

    Like he’d actually know what to do with her!

  12. The Listener

    He doesn’t have to. He’s 16. His penis will do all his thinking for him.

    • The Listener

      That was meant as a reply to youcandieNOW.

      • youcandieNOW

        No, like seriously I don’t think his balls have even dropped yet.

      • The Listener

        youcandieNOW, Justin’s a 16-year-old guy who has his 18-year-old hot Latina girlfriend on a yacht making out with her while they’re travelling to an island. I think it’s fair to assume his balls have dropped.

  13. GravyLeg

    Old Pattie will be helping him bury dead hookers rolled in shower curtains before he is 20….

  14. Parker

    Selena’s hot little ass is developing in the perfect anal sex receptacle. I can’t wait till she’s old enough to start wondering how nice it’d feel to slip my penis into her tight little pooper.

    • She turned 18 on July 22nd, 2010. As of this post, you’ve missed out on 167 days of “…wondering how nice it’d feel to slip my penis into her tight little pooper.”

      Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but hey, I’m sure you’ve been up to something equally productive. On the plus side, think of all the wear and tear you’ve saved on your right elbow!

      • Parker

        Well then I’m happily disappointed. To celebrate, I’ll spend a relaxing evening imagining her plump little butt cheeks wiggling around the base of my weiner while she giggles as she pleasantly talks about her day.

    • Lord Montgomery

      Little Justin is doing his job ……. breaking her in for the rest of us ……

  15. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I would hit it, then go to pedophile hell.. lol

  16. JesseJimmy

    If these pics are from June, then she was still 17. Does it make me a pedophile if I fap off to pics of a 17 year old Gomez if she’s now 18?

  17. cc

    He can do ten times better than this…okay body, really plain face. Justin, if you’ve got a choice of about 2,000,000. Pick the hottest freakin’ chick you’ve ever seen in your life, you idiot.

    • Cock Dr

      Looks aren’t everything to this little pixie. It’s about finding that special girl who can really peg a boy as hard & deep as an angry rugby team, yet who is still willing to play dress-up & share her nail polish.
      She’s out there somewhere. Hope she’s got a decent video camera.

    • The Listener

      I think Selena is pretty, not plain. I use the word plain to describe girls who are not ugly, but not quite pretty either. IMO she’s pretty, and since she doesn’t need a lot of makeup she doesn’t wear a lot of makeup. If a female wears a lot of makeup I become suspicious that she must have a pretty ugly face to need so much to cover it.

      Her breast cup size is either a B or C cup. Either is fine with me. Unless a female is making money as a stripper, a D cup is not necessary to me.

    • hay what ups jusint bieber

  18. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    whats up with her toes.. like dinosaur claws

  19. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    ahh prolly a pattern or something in the flip flops

  20. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    First question…. If it wasnt for the machine the mouse built would we even know his name. Second question…. who cares?

  21. First question…. If it wasnt for the machine the mouse built would we even know his name. Second question…. who cares?

    • The Listener

      If by “the mouse” you’re referring to the Disney company which has Mickey Mouse as one of its early trademark characters, Justin is not affiliated with Disney unless you count the fact he’s dating Selena who acts on one of it’s programs. If that’s not what you meant by “the mouse” please explain.

      Only pre-teen and teenage girls care. They go crazy over this kid. Heck, Selena’s getting death threats on Twitter for dating him.

  22. Mr Obvious

    She’s 18 right? So the cops won’t come after me if I have these photos enhanced with bikini removal software.

  23. KSM

    She has no curves, her body is really plain, pretty girl tho.

  24. fingerling

    I wouldn’t do her… even if she’s legal (just feel wrong, that’s all i’m saying)

  25. Diana

    She’s lookin kinda pudgy…damn. I see skinner girls at my local beaches and pools. What up with the disney starletts looking like this? They can afford pilates!

  26. Gary B

    Considering some of the other women that the celebrity community offers Patti should be grateful she is hanging with Selena Gomez. So far her mother has been hands on with her and she is actually mature and very well centered for her age.

    She is not smoking bongs, getting into fights or just a total waste like Lohan.

  27. john

    Does this mean Selena is a LESBIAN too!!!

  28. Gary B

    I do think patti will be the one who will probably either end this relationship or end up causing it to end with her soccercow bitchiness.

  29. BLuzee

    Does no one else notice her gigantic water head? It’s like a pumpkin, surprised she doesn’t tip over. And that mole on her boob is gross.

  30. mariaperez

    I’ll hammer!

  31. boompow

    Who knew Beiber was a chubby chaser! Alright man! go get that cow!

  32. Selena Gomez Bikini
    fartsy joe
    Commented on this photo:

    dayum. i’d go to jail for those young titties. mmmm

  33. wim

    it’s very rare, BUT SOME WOMEN ARE P*EDOPHILES!!

  34. Selena Gomez Bikini
    a bloke
    Commented on this photo:

    damm, that is one sweeetttt ass

  35. Ray's Sist

    Pedophile is a banned word here?

  36. Crazy white dude

    I’ll get the spear, hammer, and the pitchforks and torches so we can go get him

  37. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I wanna fuck selena gomez!!!!

  38. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


Leave A Comment