Seen here grippin’ his dang-a-lang cuz Justin Bieber is the streets, the eponymous (I might be using that wrong.) maple wunderkind supposedly wants to remake Fear because it launched Mark Wahlberg from just another Southie dancing in his underwear to that dude who finger-banged Reese Witherspoon on a rollercoaster thus possessing all the tools necessary to fight international terrorism. Via Movieweb who I never heard of before this story so just assume none of it’s true because it’s way too hilarious:
Justin Bieber is said to be eyeing the role in a proposed remake, hoping that it will give his image and career the same edge it gave Mark Wahlberg back in 1996, a time when most thought of the actor as a one hit wonder who would quietly disappear. Mark Wahlberg was 25 at the time he made Fear. Justin Bieber will turn 18 this March.
It is believed that Justin Bieber will pursue the rights to remaking Fear, using the film as his launching board into feature film acting. Though, its being speculated that this new Fear will most likely be tamed down for a PG-13 rating, and that it will closely resemble the thrillers and remakes currently being produced by Sony’s Screen Gems division.
So basically Justin Bieber wants to star in a movie where his “bad boy” character sometimes plays video games before doing his homework, and instead of raping Alyssa Milano, he tells a girl’s dad he’s going to hold her hand at the movies if that’s alright with him. Jesus, they were right. This is edgy material for him.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
vandinz | January 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm
HAHA! WHO THE FUCK DRESSES THIS CUNT!?
OH and first bitches.
dontkillthemessenger | January 23, 2012 at 3:26 pm
Lil’ Wayne.
This is hip hop in 2012.
gigi | January 23, 2012 at 7:52 pm
…and speaking of ‘grabbing’ what’s he doing to this weiner thru the pocket??? ew
Dan | January 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm
Honestly it looks like he grabbed whatever he could find at the salvation army.
Dan | January 23, 2012 at 3:45 pm
The thing that drives me nuts is this outfit probably cost more than my entire wardrobe.
NicePlayCall | January 24, 2012 at 9:44 am
lol, his swagger coach must have told him to try and steal yelawolf’s swagger since hes hott right now and dresses kinda like this often, especially the hat
rican | January 24, 2012 at 7:32 am
It’s the Cannuck Chic look
Eric | January 24, 2012 at 7:50 am
Newest Hollywood trend – coating yourself with honey and rolling around in a Salvation Army collection box. Wear whatever sticks.
Alex | January 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm
I’m digging the Eskimo clown BMX chav look.
Soviet Snow | January 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm
Though the word is not often used anymore, we used to call people dressed like this “Dorks”
dude! | January 23, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Think the updated handle is douche-y dork.
sc4play | January 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm
What had happened was I needed to make an adjustment….so I did!
BlackAndWhiteMinstrel | January 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm
“The only journey is the one that begins with N2O” ??
Ornot Under | January 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Justin Bieber kills babies when he has sex with Selena Gomez while she is on the pill. Selena Gomez is killing what may have been Justin Biebers baby when she uses birth control while they have sex.
Schmidtler | January 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm
medical science has proven that conception is biologically impossible by way of Bieber being ass raped by Usher while Selena sobs quietly in the corner.
Fish Is Angry Inside | January 23, 2012 at 9:40 pm
Wow Ornot, you have no idea how birth control works. It PREVENTS ovulation, it doesn’t stop a fertilized egg from implanting. So no egg is released, so there is no “baby” to kill. I hope no one actually has sex with you.
DeepBlue54 | January 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm
Dear Government of Canada,
On behalf of all non-dork Canadians, I demand the immediate revocation of the Beebs citizenship. In addition, we demand that all Border Services agents be authorized to use deadly force should he try to enter the country. Clothing like this is a crime against humanity.
Iveski | January 23, 2012 at 7:12 pm
Do we need someone to second this? I second this.
Abbie Art | February 2, 2012 at 2:32 pm
I support this and I’m not even Canadian, all I ask is you send her/him/it anywhere but to the States…I’m sure we could make it a joint effort and find a little island the world would happily donate to the cause.
bettynuggs | January 23, 2012 at 4:08 pm
Victim #2 in the Jerry Sandusky story is more believable.
MyRightOne | January 23, 2012 at 4:19 pm
What in the lederhosen hell is up with that outfit? And why does he have a possum carcass on his head?
EricLr | January 23, 2012 at 4:25 pm
Because a possum tried to take over a plane and crash it into the Twin Towers.
BeeTee | January 23, 2012 at 4:30 pm
Dude they better not touch my goto get laid flick when I was a senior in high school. Had the most classic line:
See I know all about you Mr.Walker I know you abandond Nicole when she needed you the most because I licked her sweet tears and I also know you ain’t sorta keeping up your end of the bagin with the misses because if you were she wouldn’t be all over my stick.
karlito | January 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Selena should tell him to start dressing like a man or no pussy!!!
cc | January 23, 2012 at 5:53 pm
That doesn’t work nearly as well when you aren’t married.
akewlazzmom | January 23, 2012 at 6:02 pm
Actually, taking the pill stops ovulation from occurring each mth. Therefore, no egg for sperm to gang bang and one lucky devil gets in.
So…todays lesson, no egg =no conception
No conception=no baby
No baby= not killing anything.
Dip shit…
akewlazzmom | January 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Well that was supposed to be in response to OrnotUnder, not sure why it ended up down here.
Sorry people, my excuses… Carry on.
Archie_Leach | January 23, 2012 at 6:18 pm
is it so wrong of me to want to punch justin bieber in the face?
Rapsutin's Evil Twin | January 24, 2012 at 10:03 am
No. However, I’m thinking that sending him back to his mom to be properly dressed is a good idea. Otherwise, putting him to sleep is starting to look like an option.
What will happen to him once puberty starts?
Anon | January 23, 2012 at 6:47 pm
F*ck…Selena Gomez is looking rough to his right.
jules | January 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Where’s fish! I want fish! These posts are not the hammerfist I’ve come to expect from the superficial, no, they’re like pokes or tickles. I don’t want to be poked! I don’t want to be tickled! Who’s writing right now? (I just stomped away with my arms crossed.) (Ha ha, no I didn’t, I totally kept reading until I was caught up like I always do.) Eponymous? – of the same name. What did you think it meant, like the one and only, the ultimate face of? Mmm, mm hmm.
gigi | January 23, 2012 at 7:53 pm
leave your dick alone Justin…. just… come on…
AnnaDraconida | January 23, 2012 at 8:48 pm
He’s almost 18 & looks 12.
The Critical Crassness | January 23, 2012 at 9:24 pm
And dresses like he is 5….
cc | January 23, 2012 at 9:47 pm
I always look for the good in things. That hat reminds me of the movie Fargo. Then it makes me think of axes to the head. See how that works?
Sliver | January 23, 2012 at 11:54 pm
I admire your ability to find the silver lining in anything.
Tuppy | January 24, 2012 at 11:56 am
Don’t forget the wood chipper! Sweet, sweet wood chipper…
woody | January 23, 2012 at 10:56 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no doubt: STAND UP COMEDIAN, folks!!
katja | January 24, 2012 at 1:12 am
OMFG!!!!! thanks Justin go and ruin a great movie! FUCK HIM!
ren | January 24, 2012 at 8:01 am
re up fingerbang scene with a skinny armed deep fisting sceen and he may have a winner
John Wallis | January 24, 2012 at 9:42 am
Eponymous means some THING that is named after SOMEONE or group of someones. For example the album The Beatles is eponymously named.
msctex | January 24, 2012 at 10:15 am
If you’re wearing argyle calf socks with your warmup pants tucked inside, the ubiquitous young black companion seems almost too much. One can only have so much street cred before it begins to feel, well, forced.
AteIsEnough | January 24, 2012 at 10:52 am
I normally wouldn’t waste time commenting on this flash in the pan, but seriously WTF is he wearing? Does fame make everyone go bat-shit crazy? Fuckin’ tard!
Brad Hallston | January 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm
18 vs 25 doesn’t matter. WHat matters is Mark Wahlberg is buff, and a good actor that can play crazy/intimidating. Justin Bieber should make a film about Chaz Bono, the early years, or some shit. Ps FUCK YOU
Canada Guy | January 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Did he take his bicycle to that event?
I cant think of heterosexual reason other than that to tuck the socks (oh, those socks) into the pants.
Bumblebeast | January 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm
He looks like a tard, and Wahlberg is from Dorchester, not Southy.
Elle | January 24, 2012 at 9:42 pm
Does this mean we’d have to call him ” Biebie Biebs?”. Cause I could get on board with that. Just make him keep his shirt on.
someguy | January 24, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Is that Nelson “the prince of bad boy” walking with him? sure does look like him. Anyone know? or are ya’ll just here to shit talk everything?
Chelsea | January 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Thank you John Wallis, as a super nerdy girl I was scrolling down to see if someone caught this first. I respect the columnist for recognising that this might be the wrong usage, I shake my head at the readership that wrote 40 ignorant comments about complete nonsense. I like silly news like this, but come on Internet youth. We can do a little better than this.
Abbie Art | February 2, 2012 at 2:39 pm
First off if they put that thing in a remake of fear I’m going to really start asking who this…boy/girl/it is screwing. There is no way in the world you can put Bieber in Fear and expect it to be anything but…well the kindest way to put it is a parody.
Secondly…someone please stop letting him climb into the closet and wrestle his teddy, first it’s abuse to the teddy, second abuse to the cloths, and third and most importantly abuse to the worlds eye sight.