Justin Bieber Wants To Remake ‘Fear’ So He Can Be The Next Marky Mark

January 23rd, 2012 // 74 Comments
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Seen here grippin’ his dang-a-lang cuz Justin Bieber is the streets, the eponymous (I might be using that wrong.) maple wunderkind supposedly wants to remake Fear because it launched Mark Wahlberg from just another Southie dancing in his underwear to that dude who finger-banged Reese Witherspoon on a rollercoaster thus possessing all the tools necessary to fight international terrorism. Via Movieweb who I never heard of before this story so just assume none of it’s true because it’s way too hilarious:

Justin Bieber is said to be eyeing the role in a proposed remake, hoping that it will give his image and career the same edge it gave Mark Wahlberg back in 1996, a time when most thought of the actor as a one hit wonder who would quietly disappear. Mark Wahlberg was 25 at the time he made Fear. Justin Bieber will turn 18 this March.
It is believed that Justin Bieber will pursue the rights to remaking Fear, using the film as his launching board into feature film acting. Though, its being speculated that this new Fear will most likely be tamed down for a PG-13 rating, and that it will closely resemble the thrillers and remakes currently being produced by Sony’s Screen Gems division.

So basically Justin Bieber wants to star in a movie where his “bad boy” character sometimes plays video games before doing his homework, and instead of raping Alyssa Milano, he tells a girl’s dad he’s going to hold her hand at the movies if that’s alright with him. Jesus, they were right. This is edgy material for him.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

superficial

  1. vandinz

    HAHA! WHO THE FUCK DRESSES THIS CUNT!?

    OH and first bitches.

  2. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Commented on this photo:

    Did the short bust make a wrong turn and end up at the airport?

  3. Alex

    I’m digging the Eskimo clown BMX chav look.

  4. Soviet Snow

    Though the word is not often used anymore, we used to call people dressed like this “Dorks”

  5. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    What is he 6 years old?

  6. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Jimbo
    Commented on this photo:

    Does he always have to grab his dick in public?

  7. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Commented on this photo:

    Felony Fashion Crime: Aggravated eyeball assault with permanent retina damage.

  8. sc4play

    What had happened was I needed to make an adjustment….so I did!

  9. BlackAndWhiteMinstrel

    “The only journey is the one that begins with N2O” ??

  10. Ornot Under

    Justin Bieber kills babies when he has sex with Selena Gomez while she is on the pill. Selena Gomez is killing what may have been Justin Biebers baby when she uses birth control while they have sex.

    • Schmidtler

      medical science has proven that conception is biologically impossible by way of Bieber being ass raped by Usher while Selena sobs quietly in the corner.

      • Fish Is Angry Inside

        Wow Ornot, you have no idea how birth control works. It PREVENTS ovulation, it doesn’t stop a fertilized egg from implanting. So no egg is released, so there is no “baby” to kill. I hope no one actually has sex with you.

      • Kyle C

        LOL ! You are Awesome man. 2 thumbs way up to you :).

  11. Dear Government of Canada,
    On behalf of all non-dork Canadians, I demand the immediate revocation of the Beebs citizenship. In addition, we demand that all Border Services agents be authorized to use deadly force should he try to enter the country. Clothing like this is a crime against humanity.

  12. bettynuggs

    Victim #2 in the Jerry Sandusky story is more believable.

  13. MyRightOne

    What in the lederhosen hell is up with that outfit? And why does he have a possum carcass on his head?

  14. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dude, I can’t find my penis”

    “Yeah, that’s what SHE said”

  15. BeeTee

    Dude they better not touch my goto get laid flick when I was a senior in high school. Had the most classic line:

    See I know all about you Mr.Walker I know you abandond Nicole when she needed you the most because I licked her sweet tears and I also know you ain’t sorta keeping up your end of the bagin with the misses because if you were she wouldn’t be all over my stick.

  16. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    phffft...
    Commented on this photo:

    A couple of bad-ass Canadian gangstas…

  17. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    tlmck
    Commented on this photo:

    His buddy is asking “did you get off yet?”

  18. karlito

    Selena should tell him to start dressing like a man or no pussy!!!

  19. akewlazzmom

    Actually, taking the pill stops ovulation from occurring each mth. Therefore, no egg for sperm to gang bang and one lucky devil gets in.
    So…todays lesson, no egg =no conception
    No conception=no baby
    No baby= not killing anything.
    Dip shit…

  20. akewlazzmom

    Well that was supposed to be in response to OrnotUnder, not sure why it ended up down here.
    Sorry people, my excuses… Carry on.

  21. Archie_Leach

    is it so wrong of me to want to punch justin bieber in the face?

    • Rapsutin's Evil Twin

      No. However, I’m thinking that sending him back to his mom to be properly dressed is a good idea. Otherwise, putting him to sleep is starting to look like an option.

      What will happen to him once puberty starts?

  22. Anon

    F*ck…Selena Gomez is looking rough to his right.

  23. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Lita
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s never going to get Mark Wahlberg’s edge dressing like that.

  24. jules

    Where’s fish! I want fish! These posts are not the hammerfist I’ve come to expect from the superficial, no, they’re like pokes or tickles. I don’t want to be poked! I don’t want to be tickled! Who’s writing right now? (I just stomped away with my arms crossed.) (Ha ha, no I didn’t, I totally kept reading until I was caught up like I always do.) Eponymous? – of the same name. What did you think it meant, like the one and only, the ultimate face of? Mmm, mm hmm.

  25. gigi

    leave your dick alone Justin…. just… come on…

  26. AnnaDraconida

    He’s almost 18 & looks 12.

  27. cc

    I always look for the good in things. That hat reminds me of the movie Fargo. Then it makes me think of axes to the head. See how that works?

  28. woody

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no doubt: STAND UP COMEDIAN, folks!!

  29. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    icu
    Commented on this photo:

    Trying to bring back The Bay City Rollers look too?

  30. katja

    OMFG!!!!! thanks Justin go and ruin a great movie! FUCK HIM!

  31. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Crankybitch
    Commented on this photo:

    I know it’s here somewhere!

  32. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Biff
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the new clothing line called “VOMIT!!” by the Douchebag Clothing Co.

  33. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Biff
    Commented on this photo:

    My gosh. What the fuck is he wearing?

  34. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Nic06
    Commented on this photo:

    what the fuck is this?

  35. ren

    re up fingerbang scene with a skinny armed deep fisting sceen and he may have a winner

  36. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Jes
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is he wearing?!

  37. Eponymous means some THING that is named after SOMEONE or group of someones. For example the album The Beatles is eponymously named.

  38. If you’re wearing argyle calf socks with your warmup pants tucked inside, the ubiquitous young black companion seems almost too much. One can only have so much street cred before it begins to feel, well, forced.

  39. AteIsEnough

    I normally wouldn’t waste time commenting on this flash in the pan, but seriously WTF is he wearing? Does fame make everyone go bat-shit crazy? Fuckin’ tard!

  40. Brad Hallston

    18 vs 25 doesn’t matter. WHat matters is Mark Wahlberg is buff, and a good actor that can play crazy/intimidating. Justin Bieber should make a film about Chaz Bono, the early years, or some shit. Ps FUCK YOU

  41. Canada Guy

    Did he take his bicycle to that event?
    I cant think of heterosexual reason other than that to tuck the socks (oh, those socks) into the pants.

  42. Bumblebeast

    He looks like a tard, and Wahlberg is from Dorchester, not Southy.

  43. Elle

    Does this mean we’d have to call him ” Biebie Biebs?”. Cause I could get on board with that. Just make him keep his shirt on.

  44. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    Johnny
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s just checking to see if his balls dropped yet

  45. someguy

    Is that Nelson “the prince of bad boy” walking with him? sure does look like him. Anyone know? or are ya’ll just here to shit talk everything?

  46. Chelsea

    Thank you John Wallis, as a super nerdy girl I was scrolling down to see if someone caught this first. I respect the columnist for recognising that this might be the wrong usage, I shake my head at the readership that wrote 40 ignorant comments about complete nonsense. I like silly news like this, but come on Internet youth. We can do a little better than this.

  47. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    LCB
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m assuming he’ll be taking on Reese Witherspoon’s role.

  48. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    nahhbicthitsme
    Commented on this photo:

    i now rirght

  49. First off if they put that thing in a remake of fear I’m going to really start asking who this…boy/girl/it is screwing. There is no way in the world you can put Bieber in Fear and expect it to be anything but…well the kindest way to put it is a parody.

    Secondly…someone please stop letting him climb into the closet and wrestle his teddy, first it’s abuse to the teddy, second abuse to the cloths, and third and most importantly abuse to the worlds eye sight.

  50. Justin Bieber Fear Remake
    meeyoyo
    Commented on this photo:

    Im getting wet (moaning)masterbating lol who wants to eat me out?

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