Justin Bieber’s Trying To Kill Himself

November 15th, 2012 // 68 Comments
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“A shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist. Justin Bieber, a young loner on a crusade, to pop and lock the cause of the innocent, the boyfriend-less, the swagger-less. In a world of celebrities who operate above the law… Douche Rider.”

Here’s Justin Bieber riding – and standing – on his Ducati yesterday afternoon after getting pulled over for tooling around in his Ferrari the day before because he’s clearly lost the will to live. Which is a normal reaction to being an 18-year-old hornball who can’t decide which hot chick to bang at his convenience. Christ, at that age, I only had to worry about getting into college, working a full-time job to pay for it and figuring out how to guilt my girlfriend into giving me a handjob while her mom’s at the grocery store. He’s practically in a prison.

Photos: Fame/Flynet


  1. Jimbo

    Is that going to happen today? That would make it a great day!!!

  2. Simone

    My heart bleeds for him.

  3. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Use the mirrors, douche.

    • Alex

      Don’t you DARE ruin this for me by giving him life-saving motorcycle operation tips!

      • Schmidtler

        Everybody knows helmets are for pussies. That’s what I heard all the Victoria’s Secret models say – and that they also get wet for dudes that do wheelies and ride recklessly.

  4. The Most Interesting

    The Biebs can’t die now!

    The world has to suffer much, much more for what it’s done. She knows what I’m talkin’ about.

  5. I’m going to rant, because I haven’t yet today.

    I am watching Xfactor (I know, first mistake) and there are talented older singers on there that were being judged by this asshat. WHY IS HE JUDGING PEOPLE’S TALENT!? god i hate him.

  6. MyCoworkerIsHot

    Douche Rider! That fucking hilarious!

  7. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    do the matching boots come with it?
    do they make it go faster?

  8. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Whats the Over/Under on him wiping out young & pretty like James Dean? Being forever worshiped as a lost teen idol?

  9. Correction: Justin Bieber is trying to kill herself.

  10. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    Just this morning I was contemplating the futility of life and the loss of hope in our dark times. Then the Superficial swings in like Batman to save the day. Justin Bieber on something doctors simply refer to as the organ donor maker. There is hope… there is hope…

    • Yep, when I was a nurse and I was really hoping for a patient to get an organ, I would just hope for nice days. Bikers would come out by the dozen, and there was always a good kidney or liver delivered soon after.

  11. Mario Starr

    When I first saw the headline, “Justine Beaver trying to kill herself,” I smiled. Only if that were true.

  12. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuck this little prick for his matching clothes, helmet, shoes and bike.

    With any luck he’ll either do something stupid for our entertainment. 18 and supersport as a first bike usually results in a hilarious and painful bad decision when those two lines on the graph meet. Hopefully someone is there to take pictures or video.

    He’ll find out very soon that a hoodie doesn’t offer up much protection against pavement.

  13. MD2020

    So, did you get that handjob?

  14. JC

    She’ll be the prettiest little road crayon ever.

  15. Cock Dr

    I hope she doesn’t splatter too badly in the inevitable wreck. People very much need those fresh young organs for transplants.

  16. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    All I ask for is a tall truck with a ram skull on the hood and the driver not noticing the Bieber’s emergency braking.

  17. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Cadillac Jack
    Commented on this photo:


  18. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Cadillac Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    Check out those chicken strips!

  19. USDA Prime McBeef

    Stick to the vespa, puss.

  20. USDA Prime McBeef

    Stick to the vespa, puss.

  21. Dear Justin,

    PLEASE keep trying!



  22. Cadillac Jack

    Video of the crash from The Snake in 3…2…1…

  23. Frank Burns

    You went to college, Fish? Which one, barber or clown?

    Hahahahaha, I love that joke!

  24. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Well then he’s all set to play a more effeminate version of Trinity in the next Matrix movie.

  25. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ooh, riding this motorcycle sends titillating vibrations into my Maple twig! Screw you Selena, I don’t need you any more!”

  26. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Nope, mirrors first then the over the shoulder look. It will save your life.

  27. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s never going to get rid of those on the 405.

    He should be wearing a back protector under his hoody at the very least and some gloves too…Noob!!

  28. El Jefe

    Sadly cockroaches like this never die.

  29. FCC

    we can only pray for a miracle…

  30. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    This is actually a very encouraging development.

    The kid’s got Ferrari’s and Ducatis, his life expectancy is pretty iffy at this point. If SOMEONE would just introduce him to heroin, we could finally be rid of him. I’m looking at you Russel Brand…

  31. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Lord Helmet

  32. The Reaper

    Shit, I’m really dropping the ball on this one, aren’t I?

  33. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    well lets see how many errors in judgement we can spy

    no gloves
    no jacket
    no elbow or knee protection
    shitty shoes that offer no ankle protection
    laces that are to long and can get caught in chain etc
    too many Cc for his riding ability
    no spine protection
    visor up no eye protection
    riding on his heels and not the balls of his feet
    but hey he bought a good helmet his face will look great in the casket–sadly the concrete will rearrange the rest

  34. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    ohhh hugging the line in traffic in LA–nice way to get clipped

  35. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    lol, a mini cooper with a bmw logo? What a derp

  36. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    nice wizard sleeves… maybe should invest in a labia tuck

  37. Joaquin ingles

    It’s pretty much like the Big Wheel. Don’t worry about traffic like mom told you.

  38. anonym

    this is what every kid dreams of….. having too much money to spend, and not enough shit to buy.

    i wish I had that lifestyle when i was a kid

  39. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:


  40. cc

    He’s waaaay overmatched by that motorcycle.

  41. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this the T-Mobile girl riding around?

  42. Justin Bieber Ducati
    The Royal Penis
    Commented on this photo:

    Who doesn’t like hot chicks on motorcycles, eh?

    What? It’s not a chick? Fuck you.

  43. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn you, helmet laws! *shakes fist at sky*

  44. Pop a wheelie! They say it’s good luck if you do that right away and in heavy traffic. You don’t want to look like a pussy, do you?

  45. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    Zero protection on a Ducati Superbike…excellent! I hope his organs will go to far more deserving dying teenage girl.

  46. tom

    If he kills himself, he would be remembered and celebrated as the James Dean of the 2010s.

  47. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    redsonja1313: actually, his helmet is not strapped on, so it will roll away while his face is rearranged.

  48. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    you are an idiot BMW makes mini coopers, and the logo is on the plates not on the car!!

  49. Justin Bieber Ducati
    Commented on this photo:

    you are a moron BMW makes mini coopers, and the logo is not on the car its on the plates you fucking retard.

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