Justin Bieber Can’t Get Laid Because He Looks Like Ellen Now

“Are you my mommy?”
“Shut up and smile, twinky. I eat twat-farts like you for breakfast.”

Posted by Photo Boy

Most of the time when I’m thinking about the world and why it’s awful, Justin Bieber comes up. Today must be the exception, because according to “onlookers,” who in no way were Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift disguised as homeless people, Justin got totally rejected by a girl who said he looks like the 56-year-old talk-show host “in person.” The onlookers also overheard the girl speculating that “Bieber prematurely ejaculates,” and “probably always leaves his Batman socks on during sex.” In addition, the onlookers made some off the record comments about the possible availability of a nude photo shoot of Bieber and several of his all-male posse posing for their ongoing ‘Strong Boys On Razor Scooters’ series that may or may not be on an iPhone in that bush over there.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty