Someone Tried To Kill Justin!!!!!!!!!

June 24th, 2011 // 88 Comments

Georgia O’Keefe, anyone?

If you haven’t heard by now, Justin Bieber was reportedly “attacked” outside of Macy’s yesterday in the middle of a massive riot because apparently parents just let their 11-year-old daughters roam the streets of New York. Anyway, the situation turn out to be a simple misunderstanding with an undercover cop which I knew when I wrote that headline, but middle schoolers count as traffic, too. Cha-ching! TMZ reports:

Bieber was signing autographs outside of Macy’s when the crowd became unruly … and a plainclothes police officer rushed to help the singer.
Problem is — Bieber didn’t know the guy was a cop — so when the cop got close to Justin … Bieber got defensive thinking he was a crazy fan. A member of Bieber’s security team immediately grabbed the cop and tried to pull him away.
The cop quickly identified himself — and cited the security team member for disorderly conduct.

In the end, everyone kissed and made up over autographs which proves Justin Bieber’s security is fucking clown shoes. Because, seriously, an undercover cop? That’s exactly what I’d a pedophile would say. “NYPD, listen up. You need to secure this perimeter and get that package to a secure location immediately. Now, there’s a van just around the corner with an airbrushed clown on the side, but we gotta move quick. *kicks hissing eight-year-old in the braces* Choppers! Choppers! We need choppers! GET THAT BOY TO THE VAN.”


Photos: Splash News


  1. Turd Ferguson

    Please make it stop.
    Go away kid, I cant stand the site of you any longer.

  2. whiskeyafternoon

    Irrrelevant. Even if they succeeded, as the prophecies dictate the maple christ would exude himself from tree sap in Toronto 40 days later.

  3. Richard McBeef

    Those shoes make me want to curb stomp chris brown.

  4. FishBone

    How did the Biebs manage to get the wheels off of his Barbie Roller Blades? SICK!

  5. Marley

    ….That video was so so lame.

  6. ZigZagZoey

    It was probably some guy that was sick to death of spending his hard earned money buying his daughter fucking nail polish and perfume. I am BEYOND sick of this stupid greedy shit. He gets more arrogant every day.

  7. Venom

    Those are the gayest fucking shoes ever and anyone that wears shoes like that is fucking gay too.
    Not to mention being a dude and selling perfume, that is about as fucking gay as you can possibly get.

    • inbox

      He would look more hetero if he were wearing Uggs & Knee pads with man sauce all over his shirt while holding a trophy that reads “Most Gay Looking”

  8. BadMammaJamma

    …I think you mean “Someone Tried To Crucify Justin!!!!!!!!!”

  9. Bow Chica Wow Wow

    You know that’s the problem with been plainclothes or undercover, real security would have put a bullet in his head before he could have said shit to them or identified himself.

    • Drew

      Yeah, security is going to instantly shoot a guy in the head in a public place with thousands of kids around. Any security with half a brain would attempt to defuse the situation before it escalated that far.

      Try releasing some of the pressure in that thick fucking skull of yours.

      • tits

        holy relax asshole

      • Bow Chica Wow Wow

        In my perfect world they would, that would be the point of having security!

      • What

        @ tits

        - Holy welcome to the Internet batman. I LOVE people telling others to relax on the Internet. Every SINGLE blog, forum, thread, whatever has people swearing at each other on the entire Internet. And here comes tits to stop it all with “holy relax asshole”. Yep, good luck with that little fella.

  10. Apparently even doing up velcro shoes is too complicated for him

    • Satan's bitch

      I was wondering why his mommy didn’t do that for him.

      Oh, and $55 a bottle to smell like the maple christ? Fucking hell!

  11. Harriscandoit

    Let me get this straight. The security were doing their job and the officer who was in street clothes who should have identified himself from the outset charges the bodyguard? What an asshole.

  12. It had to be said

    S’up, bitches. Everyone keeps snickering at my bottle and saying Eau du Vag, but I have no idea what that’s about. S’up?

  13. coww

    LOVED the Georgia O’Keefe reference! Cracked me up! Thanks

  14. kulit

    the perfume bottle is a replica of bieber’s blooming vagina. seriously, they look like labias.

  15. So he’s hawking a perfume…with a vagina on top of it…while wearing pink boots.

    at risk of falling back on an overused meme…Hetero: You’re doing it wrong.

  16. sdrizzy

    It’s about time!

  17. Anonymous Checking

    Marty McFly called. He wants his shoes back.

  18. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    He doesn’t deserve to be KILLED for wearing those shoes. Just seriously molested.

  19. Dan

    So sick of this kid.

  20. Anonymous

    I would pay good money to be able to slap the shit out of this useless little twit.

  21. SaintMidian

    I totally thought I was going to win the office Dead Pool on this one. Arrrgggggg!

  22. Drundel

    Blame Canada!

  23. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    After Selena gave me her flower here, I gave her the shocker.

  24. eyeee

    i hope it was someone from marc jacobs’ crew. that bottle is a complete fucking rip off of his perfume bottle.

  25. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    This kid has been hanging out with Usher too long. It’s only black guys that don’t have to smile for pictures, not little white pop stars.

  26. Josh

    Why do the people filming sound like bert and ernie?

  27. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I am so ready for this effeminate little douchebag to take a hard fall.
    DUI, drug bust, caught with tranny strippers, impregnating the housekeeper; any of these would suit me fine. Enough already.

    • Kelsey

      that wont happen…justin has surrounded himself with curtain people so he doesnt end up like the next lindsey lohan..and im pretty sure he wont…so stop hoping and get a life

  28. maeby

    What’s with the vagina spray?

  29. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    Great Scott! Justin could conceivably encounter her future self! The consequences of that could be disastrous!

  30. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    that kid is such a dweeb

  31. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    Seems apropos that he looks like a little lesbian and his perfume looks like multiple vaginas unfolding.

  32. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    “Someday my prince will come,” Snow White sang in the forest, right before she was mugged by the King of Tweens, who made off with her pretty rose-red boots, rose-red watch, and mutant rose-capped chamber pot.

  33. Someone didn’t try hard enough

  34. sexyman48

    “Do or do not, there is no try.”

  35. Eva

    Why is he ripping off Marc Jacobs Lola perfume bottle? LAME-O

  36. Anon

    As a Canadian I feel it’s my responsibility to apologize profusely to the world at large for the sick twisted illness that is this Bieber kid. Sorry world.

  37. Ponkur

    That’s a cute bottle. So let’s see if I got this right, they made the bottle top from a mould of the Bieb’s lady lips, and when you spray some of the fragrance it’s like Bieb’s done a sex squirt on you!

  38. cc

    I think they need to package that scent in something more effeminate, like…um, some help here?

  39. SupaFly

    Gee. Great video. Try to make it a little harder to see next time you douchebags.

  40. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    “Do or do not there is no try.”

  41. 350pt. bonus for the O’Keefe reference.

  42. Artofwar

    Ahhh—- A teenage lesbian professing her love for vaginally shaped inanimate objects– Rosie O’Donald must be so proud….Artofwar

    • Venom

      You know I always wonder about guys like you that need to sign your name at the end of your comments.
      I can see you name is the fucking Artofwar, it is right there at the top of your comment.

    • What

      @ Venom

      Hahahaha. Yeah, he’s so proud of his name he wants to include it several times. Bet this dude drives a car with either a really loud car system or really large rims or both – 90% chance.

  43. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    he doesn’t know how to tie his velcro shoe.

  44. kimmykimkim

    Well, Fish, you took my joke in that last paragraph, you clever sonofabitch! Fun Fact: Georgia O’Keefe was painting vaginas the whole time.

  45. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    The Critical Crassness
    Commented on this photo:

    You think the shoes are bad…his probably underwear matches them. Canada should be very proud of their native son or is it “daughter”?

  46. Justin Bieber Attack Macys New York
    Commented on this photo:

    Does that picture poster of him that he’s standing in front of say “SO GAY”???


  47. anon

    too bad bieber didnt get kicked in his vagina

  48. Brooke

    Justin Bieber is so out of touch with reality he thinks adult men make up his fanbase. No wonder Letterman was so crotchety the other day; Bieber probably surprised Dave by autographing his desk.

    BIEBER: “Maybe someday you’ll make it big on YouTube too! Love, The Bieb”
    DAVE: You don’t know who I am, do you…

  49. tlmck

    “Someone Tried To Kill Justin!!!!!!!!!”

    This proves that if you want it done right, you have to hire a professional!

  50. the captain

    but his mom is a “Secret” ninja, folks.

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