So John Travolta May Or May Not Have Molested A Man Over Hamburgers

May 8th, 2012 // 47 Comments
Outed By Princess Leia
John Travolta
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“Golly gee, Mistah Kottah, is that a Red Robin?”

While Photo Boy and I were off not snuggling at The Avengers yesterday, news broke that John Travolta is being sued by a male masseur who claims the actor hired him for a personal massage only to repeatedly grope the man’s penis, then eventually his own, while gorging himself on cake and hamburgers. There’s also a part about Jews which I’m almost positive is a conspiracy to get Mel Gibson to support gay rights. “They hate the Jews, you say? Interesting, interesting. What about stabbing people during butt sex? Where do they stand on that?” TMZ reports:

The suit claims Travolta stripped naked, appearing semi-erect. The masseur says he told Travolta to lay down on the table and the first hour went without incident. Then, according to legal docs, Travolta began rubbing the masseur’s leg, touched his scrotum and the shaft of his penis.
The masseur claims he told Travolta he did not have sex with his clients, but Travolta was undeterred, offering to do a “reverse massage,” adding, “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!”
The suit goes on to allege Travolta then masturbated and told the masseur he got to where he was “due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days,” adding “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.”

Michael K over at Dlisted actually read through the entire lawsuit which I highly suggest scoping out just to see how terrible John Travolta allegedly is at convincing another man to have sex with him while making the whole thing seem straight. Although, for the record, his lawyer is already denying the claims which I actually believe and not because I think John Travolta isn’t secretly gay. Quite the opposite. The dude’s so rich and thanks to Scientology is so hell-bent on appearing straight, that I almost guarantee he has a secret island grotto undetectable on radar where he freely bangs dudes at will then murders them and dumps their bodies into the ocean before jetting back to his wife. This massage business is a.) just sloppy on its face and b.) everyone knows Scientologists have mind powers that essentially allows them to incept people. Then again, “Come on, dude, I’ll jerk you off” is about as persuasive as it gets, so clearly Travolta’s prey is a powerful space wizard from the Clockbockotha nebula. I’ll alert the high council which to the untrained eye might look like I’m just Vulcan neck-pinching my penis. It’s all very sophisticated, trust me.

Photos: Fame/Flynet


  1. Dick Hell

    It’s the approach that won Arnold Horshack’s heart, I’m surprised it didn’t work this time.

  2. Hota Hota Migules

    Welcome Back Kokker.

  3. The Most Interesting

    I hate misleading headlines.

    I thought this was going to be about Travolta butt-raping a dude on top of a steaming pile of hot meat, slathered in secret sauce.

    Which you know, in fairness does sound kinda hot.

  4. SFRowGuy

    Was it over the hamburger or the buns?

  5. Cock Dr

    He used to be so cute… so weird looking.
    Religion and closeted gayness just icing on a big queer cake.
    Masseur is such an amateur…must provide pictures/video or GTFO.

    • Dick Hell

      The goal is likely an out of court settlement, not because he can prove it but because Travolta will want to avoid the embarrassment.

      • dooood

        if that is the case, its not a smart move.
        scientology is in the business of extortion. not the business of settling lawsuits out of court. they probably have full blackout team of assassins moving in on this poor masseuse as we speak.
        they’ll make him “go away”/disappear.

      • Happy Pickle Mittens

        Exactly what Michael Jackson did, and look how that turned out. This guy might be guilty as sin or as innocent (and naive, it has to be said) as Mike was, but either way he’s guilty in the court of public opinion. Which, of course, is what John Does #1 and #2 are counting on… it worked for Jordan Chandler, and then Gavin Arvizo, so why not them? Pigs.

    • No shit – he looks like someone embalmed Eddie Munster and forgot to nail down the coffin lid.

  6. Please tell me his lawyer is Jewish.


  7. it had to be said

    How does Travolta find the dude who gives messages in hotel rooms to other dudes and doesn’t give a happy ending? Didn’t happen.

  8. Straight, gay, bi… who cares? The real story is what’s going on with that hair.

  9. kirby

    “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity” /quote

    I say the percentage of this being true is at least 70%. If SO, old Mel doesn’t seem as crazy anymore. I did say “AS CRAZY.”

  10. DeucePickle

    I think the important thing we are all forgetting here is, the cake.
    What about the cake ?

  11. Red Green

    Remember, if men don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy…

  12. Alex

    Under the Argument (1) in the filing, the spelling errors almost discredit the Plaintiff’s legal team. I mean, come on. Travolta’s team is going to have a field day with just the suit. Would of, could of in this case. Try harder next time John Doe.

    • Uh, speaking of spelling errors discrediting you…it’s “would have, could have“, or “would’ve, could’ve”. Try harder next time, Alex.

    • The very first line in the lawsuit is troubling: “Comes Plaintiff ‘John Doe’ who files this civil complaint…” I thought it was his contention that he didn’t come.

      • Seriously, though, there is no excuse for this:

        “Doe Should Be Permitted Leave To File Under A Fictitious Naem To Prevent Disclosure Of His Econcuonter With A Public Figure Who Is APowerful And Famous Celebrity”

        That’s right, “Econcuonter.” Those are not my typos. That’s how the filing reads. (Except for it being in all caps. I spared you that.)

      • Someone obviously got terribly excited just thinking about the Plaintiff not coming.

  13. He really is starting to look like one of those heads on Easter Island.

  14. kimmykimkim

    Hey, you guys remember this boring as shit story I told a couple of weeks ago? No? Here ya go. Tol’ja!

  15. Hugh Jazz

    In masseuse circles, the “reverse massage” is also known as the “Barbarino.”

  16. Superguy

    How did he touch the masseuse’s scrotum, shaft and tip of penis? Was the masseuse naked also?

  17. USDA Prime McBeef

    I always like the stories that go on and on and end with somebody offended or traumatized in some way.

    First he touched my leg
    Then he touched my nutsack
    Then he touched my cock
    Then I watched him jerk off
    Now I’ve got PTSD.

    Somewhere between touching my leg and my nutsack, I probably would have told him fuck off. Then again, I don’t administer old fashions to closet homos or whatever it is that ‘massage therapists’ do for a living.

  18. Partika

    Where’s there’s smoke there’s fire. Or in this case, where there’s cake, massage and a gay angle, there’s JT.

  19. Inner Retard

    Was he wearing his hair piece? If he wasn’t it was Evil Travolta. That’s a whole different story.

  20. If you say ““Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!” in the Vinnie Barbarino voice… the first word sounds more like ““C’mon!”

  21. mrsmass


  22. “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off!!!”

    Fuck, I haven’t had an offer that good since my wedding.

  23. kimmykimkim

    Can anybody make sense of this? The fuck?

    • kimmykimkim

      …and it’s gone! Strange things are afoot today. Must have something do with bad Thetans or some shit.

  24. Marcelo


  25. stampe di arte

    Really beautiful post

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