John Mayer Wrote A Song About Taylor Swift

June 19th, 2013 // 30 Comments
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John Mayer threw a hissy fit when Taylor Swift wrote “Dear John’ about him because writing songs about your ex is bush league. Except at some point when he should’ve been spending every waking minute suffocating between Katy Perry‘s breasts, he decided to get Taylor back by writing his own song about her, according to women who understand song lyrics. Which makes perfect sense because it’s not like John Mayer’s ever said the following words about exactly what he’s doing:

“I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting,” he says. “I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”

See? Completely different situation. Now that that’s cleared up, wait till Taylor Swift gets a load of this!

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. lk

    I’m guessing this video had a $19.99 budget

  2. Something is wrong with me, I would rather do the Prancercise chick than Taylor Swift.

  3. I thought the song would be titled, “Your Body Is a Wonderland So Let Me Touch It Already You Goddamn Prude.”

  4. This sounds like something that would be classified in the archives under “rich white people problems”

  5. The difference between Swifty doing this and John Mayer doing this is that no one will ever hear John Mayer’s attempt, while the entire goddamned planet will be forcibly subjected to Tay-Tay’s public therapy sessions.

    Oh, and was anyone hoping for the Prancercise chick to get smoked by the passing car at 0:55?

  6. PumpkinBob

    So the only two songs of his that I’ve had the misfortune of hearing are basically: “Twenty-two year old girls are inconsistent and overly idealistic about relationships” and “Jennifer Love Hewitt has nice tits”?

    Well bra-fucking-vo, Voltaire. I look forward to your next single, detailing what a bad idea it is to stuff scorpions down your urethra.

  7. ThisWillHurt

    I was going to click play, but as soon as I hovered my mouse over the “play” button, my computer gave me the “bitch, please” face.

  8. Billy Rubin

    John Mayer is infinitely more talented than Swifty. Contrast this against her screeching “never , ever gonna get back together again”. Your ears will thank you for never , ever listening to her screeching again

  9. John Mayer’s shittiest song is infinitely better than Taylor’s best “song”. He shouldn’t even be associating with her, just on principle.

  10. As much as I don’t like John Mayer, it is actually a very good song. I could have done without the Prancercise chick though.

  11. WTF is with comments not showing up? This is like the 4th time now.

  12. Taylor Swift MuchMusic Video Awards
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She is antiseptically pretty, like a Barbie doll.
    I guess I’ll watch the video now.

  13. Mike Hunt

    Bet she doesn’t swallow . Maybe she won’t even put it in her mouth !

    • But if you sneak a nude picture of her via your phone, you’d be set for life..might be worth it..

    • That would certainly explain why she can’t keep a man. What man would put up with a woman who doesn’t sucking dick, when there are women out there sucking dick?

    • Taylor Swift's tampon string

      She writes songs about anyone that gets intimate with her . Talk about putting pressure on a guy !. IF you don’t romance her in the absolute right way and make her come , she’s gonna write a song about your performance , which will undoubtedly embarrass you forever . Mayer is right , this is a cheap way to create unimaginative songs. Personally , I don’t think that “Paper Doll ” is about anyone in particular , especially Swifty. Why re – start a war when they have been over for a year ?

  14. Am I less of a man because Taylor Swift hasn’t written a song about me?

  15. Adam frawley

    Look at the picture of the folks in the crowd- they are mainly tweeners that would buy into some sophomoric revenge songs .
    I’ve seen Mayer play , and he has real talent that eclipses the pop – song variety that Swift has .

  16. I really dig the new song, but I’m a JM fan. I still don’t get how this is about Swift though. I never listened to Dear John… so that may be why. Meh!

    • Is alex short of alexandra? Or are you the only male JM fan, gay or straight?

      • Dan

        Straight male, big Mayer fan. Some of his lyrics are total cheeseball, especially on his 4th album, but he’s an incredibly gifted guitarist and songwriter, and when he gets a good idea lyrically he can really run with it. Example: Walt Grace’s Submarine Test is a modern masterpiece.

  17. team taylor

    You should have out a link to dear john. It’s on you tube with lyrics and it’s actually really articulate and well done.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhvW3bmiTKc
    It paints a clear picture of how he treats people from the horses mouth. He can only get girls on the rebound that is telling enough. She’ll be fine. I don’t think she ever meant it to be a get back at him. She knows he doesn’t listen to her records. It’s not even on the radio and doesn’t have an official video so it’s not like she did it on a massive scale. She did it for herself. He sings about love too just like her but he is a total cad so what’s the difference?

  18. Taylor Swift MuchMusic Video Awards
    it had to be said
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d like to pee in her butt.

  19. Taylor Swift MuchMusic Video Awards
    Hugh G. Rection
    Commented on this photo:

    It didn’t take much convincing to get Selena to dump Justin. All she had to say was “Do you really want to be a beard for a douchebag with bad tattoos?

  20. Taylor Swift MuchMusic Video Awards
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno how I missed these pics, these are bout the best I have seen of Taylor

  21. Taylor Swift MuchMusic Video Awards
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Ole says to the doctor at Mayo Clinic: “I got a problem. I have a big bowel movement at 6 in da morning every day.”
    Doctor: “That sounds perfectly normal. Why are you so worried about it?”
    Ole: “Yah, but I don’t wake up until 7.”

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