Wait. Isn’t Joe Francis’ Whole Life A Sex Tape?

June 5th, 2013 // 33 Comments

I didn’t know Reese Witherspoon had an illegitimate daughter…

From almost the minute Girls Gone Wild started, Joe Francis has been ensnared in costly legal battle after legal battle culminating in his most recent one where, according to reports, he was found guilty of assault after three women claimed he took them back to his house, didn’t let them leave and then “choke-slammed” one to the floor. So naturally this landed him a hot girlfriend who conveniently let him film them fucking which he’ll now Kim Kardashian into profit. “Allegedly.” TMZ reports:

Francis tells TMZ … he has NOTHING to do with the tape’s release — and, ironically, he’s trying desperately to stop it from going public by THREATENING the person who has it.
Joe claims the footage was ripped off of Abbey’s iPad — which was recently stolen from her bag at LAX.
Francis’ lawyer, David Houston, tells TMZ, “It is not only unfortunate, but it is a crime. As such, this office will take all necessary steps to determine who in fact has done this and who is attempting to distribute the video.”

While it would be ironic, don’t you think, if Joe Francis of all people legitimately didn’t want a sex tape released, for some reason images of a Teen Mom squirting all over James Deen keep flashing into my head. Although in fairness, that also happens when I pour a cup of coffee, try to decide what I want for lunch and pretty much exist in general. OH GOD IT’S A GEYSER! See?

Photos: Getty

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  1. Cock Dr

    This irony is so delicious that you really don’t need to add any chocolate sauce or whipped cream.
    The blonde is hot. Yeah, let’s see Joe’s pathetic attempts to please her while she was actually on the clock looking for a big porn sex tape payday.

  2. Ha Ha, karma. If anyone deserves to have this happen to them, it is him.

  3. Irony is a dish best served to utter douchebags.

  4. Minky Wail

    “Ow! Joey, you’re hurting my arm!”
    “Shut the fuck up, I’m workin’ here.”

  5. Shannon

    Oh I hope he’s wearing woman’s panties, has a small dick or screaming his mom’s name because I want nothing but humiliation and shame for this man!

    • anon

      Since this is the same guy that was using Paris Hilton’s vag as a coke and X locker I don’t think there is much beneath him to cause any embarrassment.

  6. anonymous

    Hell I thought this dude was serving time.

  7. She’s a looker…and a chin like that is a perfect rest-e for the ol’ testes.
    Yeah, that sounded better in my head.

    On a side note, that guy has such a douchey face, I would love to smash it in with a hammer.
    Gotta go, late for my anger management meeting

  8. *suppresses vomiting instinct* Trying to imagine who on earth would have any interest in watching him diddle or seeing his gross tallywacker …

  9. Jazzy Jeff

    Witherspoon wishes she was ever that hot.

  10. Enidaj

    What goes around comes around. Couldn’t think of a more deserving person.

  11. JC

    Assuming that any of this is true….seriously, people, don’t put shit you don’t want other people to see on your mobile devices/Google drive/cloud whatever. My iPhone might be filled with gigabytes of amputee porn, but it’s porn I’m proud to share.

  12. Deacon Jones

    Anyone know if that Farrah sex tape is free yet online? Ive been meaning to look for it.

  13. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    Commented on this photo:

    The only things stolen here are her innocence (dubious) and 30 seconds of my life (definite).

  14. I wonder if he’s got throat cancer…

  15. Captain Kickass

    I hate scummy Joe Francis (is it any wonder he’s a USC Trojan?), and it makes me sad that he landed this classy broad. She looks like a hot version of wholesome Reese Witherspoon. What happened in her childhood that would make her want to be with this picklenose?

  16. crb

    Not by the hair of her chinny chin chin,…

  17. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    damnrobert
    Commented on this photo:

    Weirdest. smiles. ever.

  18. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    Don Boogie
    Commented on this photo:

    Let’s look at Abby’s pros and cons, shall we?

    Pros:
    Look at the pictures, she’s smoking hot.

    Cons:
    She’s dating Joe Francis
    She’s dumb enough to keep her sex tape on her iPad.

    After careful consideration, I’ve decided that yes, I would still bang her.

  19. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    Greg
    Commented on this photo:

    I did not know any women existed who did not reasonably expect to get choke-slammed by Joe Francis when entering his home.

  20. Now girls gone wild is not even porn in my book. It’s amateurs diddling themselves/each other, taking shower and maybe a little lesbian play. I’ve seen harder movies on Cinemax. It’s nothing worth spending money on.

    I am interested in seeing that chick naked though, so I’ll look forward this tape.

  21. Irony would be more like him trying to stop the release of his own prison rape sex tape. I believe many of you are mistaking irony for shameless self-promotion.

  22. Skeeter

    I’d like to watch this chick get drilled…preferably in her presumably pristine asshole.

  23. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a monkey.

  24. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    thecrazybetty
    Commented on this photo:

    you could slice bread with that chin.

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