Joe Francis Is Going To Be The Father Of Twin Girls. Joe Francis.

April 10th, 2014 // 28 Comments
'Please Don't Exploit Me!'
Joe Francis Abbey Wilson
- Joe Francis, Founder of Girls Gone Wild Read More »

And now for the most hilarious collection of words you’ll ever read thanks to Joe Francis announcing to Us Weekly that he specifically Kate Gosselin‘d his girlfriend Abbey Wilson with twin girls because women’s bodies are but a canvas for him to create if create means taking naked pictures of drunk sorority girls:

Francis isn’t concerned about being the father of two girls. “We chose to have girls,” he said. “I believe people will finally understand my love, respect and admiration for women. I love girls.”

On May 7, 2013, Joe Francis was convicted of assault, three counts of false imprisonment, and one count of dissuading a witness from reporting after taking three women back to his house in 2011 and choke-slamming one of them to the floor after refusing to let them leave. This is on top of alleged reports of attacking Jayde Nicole and, oh I dunno, a pregnant woman, so yes, when I think of someone who “loves girls,” my first thought’s Joe Francis. He’s just a caring guy trying to Chris Brown his way into their hearts. Why can’t you see that?

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. MrChips

    From the Kris Jenner playbook: grow your own stable.

  2. ThisWillHurt

    “We chose to have girls because, you know, money.”

  3. In all fairness to Joe, those things he choked slammed and imprisoned aren’t technically considered people according to numerous USSC rulings on hookers.

    Corporations are people, hookers and porn stars are not.

  4. Swearin

    This is the first time I saw his girlfriend and I wondered how he landed a Swedish-looking hottie like her and then I remembered – gold diggers be diggin’ gold.

    Can’t wait for packing time for his girls’ first Spring Break: “Okay girls, now let’s put the dozen thong bikinis into this side pocket, so you can put the six-inch heels and hand-held camcorder into the center of the bag. Then lay the contracts on top of that.”

  5. it had to be said

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

  6. JC

    To be fair to Joe Francis, choke-slamming is an under-utilized discipline technique for young children.

  7. *laughs uncontrollably*

  8. Cher X

    Karma.

  9. He is one lucky dog, Abbey is a total babe, way too pretty for him. found her bio here http://dailyentertainmentnews.com/tv/abbey-wilson-joe-francis-hot-girlfriend/

  10. Lots of people are shitheads until they realize they are responsible for a living breathing helpless person. You start making better choices because you’re suddenly a role model. You become more aware of how your behavior affects others and try to adjust accordingly, all so you can try and teach your little ones how to act. For many people, having kids spurs them closer to the becoming the person they hope to be.

    Unfortunately, most people aren’t raging narcissists that earned a fortune filming the prologue to a date rape and selling it to frat boys. These kids are probably fucked. And their dad will sell you the tape when it happens.

  11. Jen

    As far as I am aware it’s hard to genetically engineer the sex of your child, so what I take from “we chose to have girls” is that he wants bonus points for not making his gf abort when he found out what they were having. TL;DR: he’s a violent, misogynist douche.

  12. SuperDuper

    How does one “choose to have girls”? Did you abort pervious fetuses until you got them?

    What a douche.

    • There are fertility clinics that specialize in sex-selection, from experimental and/or imperfect techniques like sperm sorting, to in vitro fertilization clinics that can determine the sex of fertilized embryos prior to implantation.

      It’s a little creepy—but it beats having sex with Joe Francis.

  13. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    Mike Walker
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like a monkey.

  14. Slash

    Look how close that cat’s paws are to his douchey face. Just when you need a cat to go apeshit and claw everything in a ten-foot radius, it lets you down …

    Maybe it’s been roofied.

  15. Samantha

    He wanted girls because he was tired of using Paris Hilton to mule his X and Coke.

  16. Abbey Wilson Joe Francis
    thecrazybetty
    Commented on this photo:

    you could slice bread with that chin.

  17. cyrollan

    i need that animal. NEED. RIGHT NOW.

  18. Lou Braccant

    So no-one’s going to mention that she looks like she’s been crying for a week? Here’s an easy out for ya luv…get him upset by, oh I don’t know, saying pepsi is better than coke, he’ll lose his shit because he’s a violent asshole and he’ll punch you in the gut. Instant abortion!!!

  19. BSName

    I can’t wait to see their tits

  20. Because having kids mere months after appearing on VH1′s “reality” show Couples Therapy is clearly a good idea.

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