Joaquin Phoenix Was Faking It
With scathing reviews flying in based on the retarded assumption that I’m Still Here is a real documentary about Joaquin Phoenix losing his goddamned mind, Casey Affleck decided to admit to the New York Times what anyone with any intelligence knew a year ago when, oh I dunno, Gwyneth Paltrow and Joaquin Phoenix himself both said it was fake:
Virtually none of it was real. Not even the opening shots, supposedly of Mr. Phoenix and his siblings swimming in a water hole in Panama. That, Mr. Affleck said, was actually shot in Hawaii with actors, then run back and forth on top of an old videocassette recording of “Paris, Texas” to degrade the images.
“I never intended to trick anybody,” said Mr. Affleck, an intense 35-year-old who spoke over a meat-free, cheese-free vegetable sandwich on Thursday. “The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind.”
Still, he acknowledged that Mr. Letterman was not in on the joke when Mr. Phoenix, on Feb. 11, 2009, seemed to implode his own career by showing up in character as a mumbling, aimless star gone wrong.
So for those of you keeping score at home, Joaquin Phoenix didn’t get his face shit on in his sleep because he’s crazy, he willingly let someone shit on his face for the sake of performance art. — SUCK IT, BRANDO.
(Thanks to Emily who remembered all those jokes I made about Joaquin. You’re good people.)
Photos: Splash News