Jimmy Fallon Is Literally A Theme Park Ride Now

“So, you want to ride me, Tom?”
“What? No. What have you heard?! I HAVE MIND BEAMS!”

Earlier in the week, there was talk of NBC Universal execs sitting Jimmy Fallon down for an intervention about his drinking problem. Except apparently that went the total opposite direction because now he’s going to be a Universal Studios Orlando theme park ride. I have no fucking clue. Via The Hollywood Reporter:

Though he was unable to announce any major details, Fallon offered a few tidbits to fans. “I wish I could give all the details. I don’t know what I’m allowed to say. I can’t say anything,” he said prior to spilling a few beans. “They’re working on it now. 2017 is when it comes out. Maybe just bleep it out, I can’t say anything, just bleep it out,” he said looking at his crew before raising up a black paper that showed off the logo of the ride.
“There’s smoke,” he said, his face hidden behind the paper. “There’s scents,” he added. “Water.”
“It’s called Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon and we’re all excited about this,” Fallon told audiences.

And as a special treat for The Superficial readers, here’s an exclusive look at part of the attraction that Jimmy personally designed himself because he drinks a lot and isn’t really big on reading the news. In fact, his exact words were, “Hey, you know what people love? Bill Cosby. You can’t go wrong with Bill Cosby.” Then he shoved his hand in a blender and yelled, “Whoo! Schnapps!”

jimmy fallon bill cosby

“Now, remember what I said, Jimmy. Only the females can ride the ride, and we’re calling it The Theo.”
“I dunno. That drink you made me feels kind of funny, Mr. Cosby.”
“Shoot, that was for your wife.”
“Haha! She’s boring and doesn’t even drink.”
“What the hell, son?”

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Photo: Getty