Jim Carrey Apparently Wants To Bang Emma Stone
Jim Carrey and Emma Stone have never worked together, nor do they have any upcoming projects together which makes the fact he just posted a YouTube video of himself professing his love for her all that more random and depressing:
I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.
A lot of people are shrugging this off as a joke, but I think it’s important to note that Jim Carrey had a very public psychological break last year that included him attacking Elin Woods on Twitter. Not to mention, the man has enough money that he can openly take a gamble like this then turn around and build a sofa out of of gold-diggers when it blows up in his face. You may think material possessions can’t fill an empty heart, but that’s because you’re poor and never felt the comfort of a money-hungry whore’s knee supporting your lower lumbar. It’s like God touching you down there.