Jim Carrey Apparently Wants To Bang Emma Stone

August 25th, 2011 // 88 Comments

Jim Carrey and Emma Stone have never worked together, nor do they have any upcoming projects together which makes the fact he just posted a YouTube video of himself professing his love for her all that more random and depressing:

I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.

A lot of people are shrugging this off as a joke, but I think it’s important to note that Jim Carrey had a very public psychological break last year that included him attacking Elin Woods on Twitter. Not to mention, the man has enough money that he can openly take a gamble like this then turn around and build a sofa out of of gold-diggers when it blows up in his face. You may think material possessions can’t fill an empty heart, but that’s because you’re poor and never felt the comfort of a money-hungry whore’s knee supporting your lower lumbar. It’s like God touching you down there.

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News

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  1. Deacon Jones

    She was smoking hot in Superbad, and smoking hot now.

    I work with a girl who gets mistaken for her all the time, her hair is a little darker and she’s from Ireland. She’s got an ass like a Jamaican sprinter too…..when I was single I constantly tried to get in her pants

    I feel ya Jim, I feel ya

  2. wtf

    he’s hilarious… as original as they come. you either love him, or you hate him.

  3. juaquin ingles

    Interesting technique.

  4. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    Any Guy
    Commented on this photo:

    FUCKING ADORABLE AND SEXYLICIOUS. my GOODNESS, the filthy, filthy, FILTHY things I would do to her. i do like her with the black hair better a ‘la her ‘Zombieland’ look. YUMMERS.

  5. miz

    jim carey your a funny fucker!!!!!

  6. See Alice

    It’s something to do

  7. this is either a publicity stunt in general or they want people to think she is running after him. or she went Alyssa milano/Natalie Portman and accuse him of stalking her.

  8. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    This is why we suffer wearing the high high high heels: there’s no denying it makes fantastic legs look even more fantastic.
    If Carrey shows up to grab her she won’t be able to run far, but a heel can make a dangerous self defense weapon.

  9. celylj

    who doesn’t?

  10. get in line, buddy!!

  11. on a side note this is what Lindsay lohan should have been if she was a good actress.

    • That Bastard Tony

      Actually, this is what Lindsey would look like if she didn’t have a sever blow/booze problem.

  12. eeo

    Wait, what happened to the girl he was dating? I think she was indian? she was on tyras shot top model or something.
    Anyway, he sounds sad :(

  13. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    Jerube
    Commented on this photo:

    Super cute! But can we buy her some thigh implants?

  14. Gerbil in my Butt

    Me too!! Me too!!

  15. That Bastard Tony

    This many years down the road and you guys are just not finding out that he is insane. The funny thing is if Jim had an ordinary day job, he”d be considered mentally ill. Instead, we just laugh and call him eccentric.

    I LOVE redheads but she is OK to me. Damn the world for not recognizing the beauty that is Alicia Witt.

    • Deacon Jones

      whoa! She’s hot.

      She must be a really, really, really, really bad actress. Not just a really bad one.

      • stone’s way cute. and looks-wise not entirely unlike his old wife, the redhead from dumb n dumber. whom he mad a speech once for at an awards show about slaying dragons for her.. he’s totally serious here. mad serious

    • oneone

      hey , don’t forget Isla Fisher !!!! hooooootie

    • kimmykimkim

      Jim Carrey is totally off his rocker. He actually does have mental problems. But extremely talented people are always a little off in the head. Emma Stone is absolutely lovely. Her face, she’s like a real life pretty girl, that you could work with or see at the store but her talent makes her absolutely gorgeous. I just saw The Help and she’s really really good. Love her! Would totally do her in the butt.

    • Scott

      I’ll drink to that. Alicia Witt has been my #1 fantasy girl for years.

    • Jam

      Funny you should mention Alicia Witt. Because she ALSO has THE most annoying lisp speed impediment, just like Stone does.

      And also – apart from that “Pocketful of Sunshine card” scene, Easy A was crap.

  16. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    maria
    Commented on this photo:

    that is so cute

    she should date him

    he is awesome and talented

    and they WOULD make a cute couple! =)

  17. DeucePickle

    That was the saddest thing I have ever seen. And I watched the episode of Futurama where Fry found his petrifide dog.

    • Uncle Phil

      I hate that episode. If I wanted to feel sad, I would stop suppressing my feelings with weed and porn. Or keep doing those things. I think either way I would be miserable.

    • stratacat

      saddest. episode. ever.

      of all time.

  18. Kate

    I’m scared.

  19. Emma Stone

    You think YOU’RE scared??

  20. kimmykimkim

    Hey Jim, get in line ya fuckin weirdo. Love, Kim

  21. oneone

    maan, i like this girl….

  22. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    Commented on this photo:

    Legs that go to the sky. She is lovely in so many ways.

  23. Ummmmm

    This publicity-seeking joke on Jim Carrey’s part has got to be embarrassing for his daughter who’s older than Emma Stone and has a child of her own. That’s right – Jim Carrey is a grandfather.

  24. May

    If there is a God (which I don’t think there is), please, make it be a joke. Otherwise, it’s just too sad…

    • im not even gona watch that creepy ass video, sounds like that old bababooey video for that chick who dumped him. but be that as it may, very public love confessions seems to be his MO, and seeing as it worked before..

  25. Ego, the living planet

    If I did this it’d be to a hotter chick. And I’d get arrested.

  26. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    Beatriz
    Commented on this photo:

    Omgosh! Love those shoes!!!

  27. JN

    Damnit, GET SOME SUN!!! Blech!!!!

  28. Frank Burns

    Pass

  29. Perhaps if Jim Carrey wasn’t old enough to be her father and he wasn’t clinically insane, this might be considered a high compliment and very flattering, but in the meantime, I just feel eww. He makes me feel like he makes dresses made of human skin in his basement.

    • General Disarray

      Soooo because he is older than 38 it’s creepy that he would find a young woman attractive? I’ve never understood how women think when it comes to that. Once men hit a certain age we’re apparently supposed to stop being attracted to young, healthy women and only oogle older saggy broads? Do I have that right?
      Women haven’t figured out that men stop mentally aging in their 30′s…we ALWAYS like young, hot females.

      • Uncle Phil

        No, it’s creepy because he chose to make a public confession. I’m 38 and work on a college campus. I notice the hotties, but I don’t stare so they get freaked out.

      • Where did ’38′ come from, is that some arbitrary number you pulled? He’s 49 years old, technically, that makes him old enough to be her GRANDFATHER.

        You don’t have to stop being attracted to young girls, just don’t kid yourself that they want you for anything more than your money. Guys will never stop being attracted to “young, hot females”, but” young, hot females” will stop being attracted to you.

      • kimmykimkim

        I would just like to say, there are exceptions: My parents for example are 20 years apart. They have been married for 32 years (2nd marriage for both). My dad was definitely not even close to rich back in the late ’70′s when he first started dating my mother. He must’ve been about 45 and she obviously, about 25. I seriously think she just found him to be charming and funny because it had nothing to do with money. Her first husband was an alcoholic who beat her and my dad? His only addiction is talk radio. She probably found him to be safe at the time. No she does NOT have any daddy issues. But her dad, who was a badass Texas State Trooper (Rangers as they’re called) DID threaten to shoot my dad, who was only 3 years his junior, if he ever hurt my mom. Well, he never has hurt her and they are still happily married. So I don’t think its always about money. Sometimes it really is just about true love.

      • With all due respect kimmy, in today’s society, it kinda is for money and/or daddy issues. *cough* Courtney Stodden, Crystal Harris, Anna Nicole Smith. You also really think Larry King’s younger wife is attracted to him? She *might* be, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

        That said, when my mom was 19, she was engaged to a guy who was 39. He was rich and basically made her life a fairytale. Then she found out he was part of some mafia and was charged with bombing a building in Toronto. And that was the end of that. My mom said was genuinely attracted to him, not b/c of the money, but because he was charming, handsome, “wordly” and a smooth talker (most criminals are). Then she married my dad who is 3 years younger and was dirt broke at the time, so love is irrational that way.

        I’m just saying, while exceptions today are made, most women are self-sufficient today and don’t need the security older men can provide. Most women who marry unattractive, old men, are those who are looking to get a cushy lifestyle out of it.

      • kimmykimkim

        Word, Bianca. I totally agree with all of that. Well said.

      • Jammy

        I don’t know what you guys are talking about, I’m 25 and I actually prefer older men. Their charming, sophisticated and way past that immature frat boy stage that I can not stand.

      • I like older guys too (I’m 22), I just wouldn’t like being confused for his granddaughter. I’ll date guys in their late 20s, maybe early 30s, but anything past that and we just have nothing in common. Guys in their 50s shouldn’t have a mental connection with a girl less that half his age, it means he hasn’t grown up yet.

  30. See Alice

    Would Emma be considered a ginger ?

  31. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    CharmlessMan
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like her nipples want to come visit me, but she’s grounded them behind a thin piece of fabric.

  32. whiskeyafternoon

    I mean, who doesn’t want to plow that ginger hotness? I’m not taking the effort to make a pathetic youtube video, but then again I’m not a mentally ill 50 year old actor.

  33. forrest gump

    …………absolute sure.
    BUT HE IS SMART ENOUGH SO HE SIMPLY WON’T DO IT!!!!!!!

  34. slappy magoo

    So how long will it be before Jenny McCarthy makes the same sort of video for Jesse Eisenberg?

  35. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    TomBrady
    Commented on this photo:

    What he’s trying to say is he’d Ace Ventura her Majestic Eternal Sunshine until she was screaming “Bruce Almighty” to the Man on the Moon.

  36. me

    I miss the funny Jim Carey. I still lmfao when he does Vera. Guess she’s not “artistic” enough for him anymore. Oh well…. that’s why God invented reruns. : (

  37. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    The Most Interesting
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the versatility of the man who played Fire Marshal Bill and Truman: First he can go with gigantic fake tits, and then naturally concave ones.

  38. love01

    She is pretty, but he sounds like a stalker. It’s kind of scary.

  39. oldmen

    OK I have to say as a young hot woman I LOVE older men and not for their money since the ones I have been attracted to were not wealthy at all and I fidn gold digging to be truly repulsive and selfish. I just like the experience hand, the lower voice, I like that they’ve had real relationships and know a thing or two about us, they have this swauveness that young men do not have. Google Gale Harold, Timothy Olyphant & Gabriel Macht. Heck George Clooney still doe sit for me as does Sean Connery.

    If I were her and he were less crazy I’d jump on it.

  40. Reece

    So am I one of the few who thinks this is pretty damn funny?

    I hope she has a sense of humor about it and responds.

  41. So I guess this means they both have OK Cupid profiles?

  42. GT

    Carrey! Go away you untalented, creepy old twit!

  43. Cardinal Ximenez

    She needs to wear a bra or go for the +1′s.

  44. anonym

    emma stone has a bit of sasquatch face. her forehead is high, her eyes nose mouth are close together, and she’s got a high forehead.

    and she sounds like she snores.

  45. Coljack

    In equally shocking news, life on earth requires oxygen, food and water.

  46. sunnyroberto

    Sorry, this is very bizarre. This stunt reminds me of something Andy Kaufman would have done,. Kaufman would do stupid stuff that was not funny, stuff that only he thought was funny, and the stunts got more and more bizarre. I can see Jim Carrey on a similar career path, and it’s not gonna’ be pretty.

  47. dontkillthemessenger

    Just reading the comments here, I must say I love this site. People are fucking hilarious.

    BTW, who DOESN’T want to bang Emma Stone? I would post a video of me throwing my little brother off a bridge if I thought it would help me bang Emma Stone.

  48. Arzach

    I’m a dirty old man, I want Emma too

  49. Emma Stone Jim Carrey
    lkj
    Commented on this photo:

    Initially, it does seem creepy, but after reading the whole thing I do think it’s sweet of him. I would totally date him and I’m a year younger than her.

  50. Homey

    So why not Lindsey Lohan Mr. Carrey?

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