Jessica Simpson not exactly up on current events


Jessica Simpson co-hosted The View yesterday but didn’t really talk much when it came to current events. She plugged her new fashion line then resorted to her trademark blank stare for the rest of the show, according to Page Six:

“She was never intended to be on the show as a moderator,” noted an insider who alerted Page Six to the episode. “It was all a big plug for her label – Jessica barely even talked to the guests.”

I think Jessica Simpson should’ve been allowed to talk to the guests. You know, just to see her head explode when one of them tried to explain what a newspaper is. “So, what do you mean?” she’d ask. “You, what’s the word, read? You ‘read’ the words and it puts ‘facts’ in your head about what’s happening in, what was it, the world? I don’t feel so good.” KERPLOW! If that ever happens, I hope her breasts survive. That way, scientists can freeze them and attach them to my cyborg bride when I finally decide to settle down at the age of 80. I figure by then I’ll be senile enough to think marriage is cool. But only to a robot-woman with awesome knockers and, more importantly, an “Off” switch.