Jessica Alba has to be adopted

January 7th, 2009 // 99 Comments

At first I thought these were shots of Jessica Alba having an intervention with Kathy Griffin about swallowing small children whole. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that’s Jessica’s mom Catherine Alba. I don’t even know how someone pisses off God to the point where he lets gravity use you as a punching bag then gives you Jessica Alba as a daughter to rub it in. I can only assume Catherine once punched a nun. On the Sabbath. With a Harry Potter book.


  1. kk


  2. md

    looking at the mother is a good indication on how she’ll turn out!

  3. Sunflower

    Sure they’re related. They both have the same pissy, bitchy look on their faces. Wonder if the Mom trapped her husband too.

  4. Ballbags

    I hope she ends up looking exactly like her mom.

  5. foofighter

    I don’t want to let anyone think that her mom is hot…and maybe it’s just me, but is Jessica looking like a confused 15 year old boy in these pics or what?

  6. foofighter

    Maybe it’s just me, but is Jessica looking like a confused 15 year old boy in these pics or what?

  7. Ballbags

    I hope she ends up looking exactly like her mom.

  8. Michael J Fox

    @7 & 8

    I think you got confused with the comments box

  9. foofighter

    I figured it out, Jessica is looking like that past American Idol contestant, Danny Noriega…definitely a confused 15 year old boy!

  10. @10: You aren’t the real Michael J. Fox! Therefore you’re guilty of identity theft. The robot overlords have been notified. Expect to be lasered, ground up or stomped promptly.

  11. m&m

    same mouth, same nose. . . thats her mom! now we know what jessica has to look forward to in about 20 years.

  12. Deacon Jones

    Did somebody mistake Kathy Griffin for a deflated tire?

  13. happymeals

    #5 sunflower ….
    ITA EXACTLY what I was thinking….looks like her future is nnot so bright…yikes

  14. b

    Jessica looks very much like her mom. Look at their jaw line, mouth and nose and you will see that even though Jessica is thinner, it is still very much the same.

  15. Jim

    Mom is way too fat.
    Daughter is way to boyish.

    24 hours with either one will drive a person to suicide.

  16. Vince Lombardi

    Note to Jess: Mother’s Day is around the corner. A nice present would be giving your mom a 6-month account with your dietitian and your personal trainer. Just so she can be around to be Abuela for a while. I’m just sayin.’

  17. Deuce Bigalow

    Proof that the ‘bun’ is the worlds most horrific hairstyle on a lady. I fucking HATE them!

  18. Jesse

    2 weeeeeeeks… 2 weeeeeeks!

  19. havoc

    Are you sure thats not the Kathy Griffin Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon?


  20. I like fat chicks

    Isn’t she half black?

    Everybody knows black dudes go gaga over a fat assed snowflake…

  21. Dura

    Man all the haters here today. Well I for one would toss the mom around if I knew it would get me a full night of whatever I wanted with the Daughter. Jessica’s still hot and just cause she’s not all glamored up for the cameras and just hanging in normal clothes she’s called boyish.

    Back to my original point, MAN I’D LOVE TO TEAR UP JESSICA’S CHEERIO!

  22. havoc

    LMFAO @ #20.

    I totally got that one….


  23. OhYeah?

    LMAO! There’s that loser’s future!

  24. Fat chicks with expensive bags make me giggle.

  25. conscience_found

    Fish- you’re out of bounds. Her mom’s not a celeb. Douche.

  26. Sadie

    Have none of you a heart? Maybe Mrs Alba could lose some weight, but thats someone’s mother your all making fat jokes about. Just because a person isn’t a size “0″ does not make them inhuman. Shame on each and every one of you for judging any book by it’s cover.

  27. Thats right #28 typical American mom,,,95% of em looks like this…

  28. Sunflower

    #21… OMG… thanks so much for the laugh!!!!!!! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!

  29. nunya

    “Here’s Jessica Alba walking down the street with her mom. Isn’t her mom large?” Geez, slow news day or what!?

  30. Mr. Sleepyhead

    That is one pissed off Oompahloompah.

  31. CMan

    You know this reminds me of Mother/Daughter day back at college. You’d always check the Moms to find out if the Daughter is going to become a pig-ape. Well, looks like her husband Cash as a lot to look forward too.

  32. To Sadie

    shut up fatty.

  33. Ted Mosby

    I think we know where Jessica put all her pregnancy weight.

  34. Apparently Mama Alba is enjoying her daughter’s monetary success.


    The looser the waist band, the deeper the quick sand …. or so I have been told.

  36. BringChung

    How does her skull not fall into her chest? If she gains any more neck fat, it’s going to form a foreskin for her head.

  37. mom

    hahah that’s what that bitch is gonna look like!!!

  38. Stiles

    Is that like wearing vertical stripes? Walk next to a massive fatty to make yourself look slimmer?

  39. justine

    Hahahah I knew Jessica Alba was a dog! Now this jsut proves how ugly she is going to be! Yuck! They look sooo much alike…hope her career keeps paying for all the lypo she will need in the future lmfaooooooooooo

  40. AJ

    Jessica will have to fight the fat for the rest of her life. It is obvious her mom was not good at teaching her good habits and hopefully Jessica will not get fat like her mom.

  41. gotmilk?

    16, how can you even see a jaw line on that cow. it looks like her neck is eating her face whole.

  42. lulu vega

    …talking about someone’s Mom, now that’s low guys. I’m sure there are more flattering photos of this woman.

  43. a sanderson

    Just because her moms overweight doesn’t mean she’ll turn out the same way. First, she’s a lot taller than her mother and seems to have less potential to gain a lot of weight b/c of her atheltic body shape and height. Second, ANYONE has the potential to become overweight if they don’t eat right and excercise, even skinny girls like jessica alba. If she watches her weight and moves around enough she won’t be like her mother. Really its up to her, not genetics

  44. Brandon

    I’m glad she’s got two scarves on; it looks cold out there!

  45. bunnie

    Actually, there were a bunch of interviews circulating a couple of years ago of Alba confessing that as a teen she had major eating disorders because of growing up around her family and most of them being obese. She was apparently so mortified at being “fat” that she developed huge image issues.

  46. testing

    well we know where her unrelenting bitch face and bad taste in sunglasses come from

  47. Have to agree with @27 on this one. Not cool to ridicule somebody’s non-celebrity mom.

  48. magicman

    Ooompa Loompa do pa dee do…Is it me or does Alba look like a 12 year old mexican boy?? Mom looks like Chet from Weird Science.

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