Jessica Simpson’s Dad Arrested For DUI

August 10th, 2012 // 20 Comments
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“That’s right, titty. Keep poking ol’ Joe in the side. He don’t mind…”

Jessica Simpson‘s dad Papa Joe was apparently picked up for DUI over the weekend, according to TMZ, which probably explains why she’s been tweeting about her weight all week and dangling it in front of the media like a deep-fried carrot with giant breasts:

We’re told LAPD cops pulled Joe’s car over around 10 PM … and during the stop, officers got the feeling he was intoxicated and ultimately cuffed the famous pop and took him to the pokey.
Joe was booked and spent the rest of the night behind bars. He was released without having to post bail at 9:41 the following day.

JESSICA: Daddy, I can’t get my breast pump to wor-
JOE: I’ll be right over! *chugs glass of scotch, runs out the door*

Photos: Getty


  1. Give him a break, would you. The man’s primary spanking material (Jessica) is a fat mess right now. He’s drinking to dull the pain.

  2. Josh

    You’ve just got to wonder how many times he’s raped his daughters overs the years (and if he’s still doing it). Especially with the way he pimps them out. Hell, those kids of Ashlee and Jessica might be both his children and grandchildren.

  3. McClownerton

    I bet his license says ‘Humbert Humbert’.

  4. Beaver Underground

    5 minutes I’ve been trying to say something but I just so don’t give a crap about these people I drew a complete blank. Which is what Papa Joe hopes his daughters remember after asking him to put some lotion on them.

  5. Cock Dr

    It’s amazing how much money there is to be made with minimally talented yet attractive women.
    Of course the competition in this catagory is fierce and looks never last long. A smart manager has to bank his or her money for rainy days such as these.

    • Jack Ketch

      Yep. But have you seen pix of Jess and Ashley pre-plastic surgery? Not so shit hot, at least Ashley wasn’t. As Joan Collins would say, “beauty is like being born rich … and getting poorer.”

  6. El Jefe

    Drinking and driving, well that does not seem very Christian of him.

  7. tlmck

    Must have been hanging with Randy Travis.

  8. grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    I love it when judgmental biblethumpers screw up like the rest of us.

  9. Schmidtler

    Well, if he wasn’t pantsless in a Trans Am, smashing through construction barricades and threatening to murder the arresting officers, he was just doing it half assed.

  10. Cressida

    Smarmy Pimp-Daddy Joe drunk? I’m astonished!

  11. tehbox

    you just know Jessica’s mom hasnt been fucked in years….she is in prime milf mode….she’d pounce on you like Jessica on a cheese-cake

  12. Joe Simpson DUI Jessica Simpson Tina Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Caller: “How often should a girl’s da… ‘friend’… give inspections with his penis to make sure that the baby didn’t wreck anything downstairs?”
    911: “Ma’am, this line is for emergencies – and I don’t think you can perform an exam with a penis.”
    Caller: “So, how often should he fingerbang me then?”

  13. anonymous

    He wasn’t drunk. Jessica was his farty passenger…he was high from smelling her noxious fumes trapped in the enclosed vehicle.

  14. Diggy

    Bless thee father Budweiser.

  15. baja

    please send the man to libia.

  16. I guess this explains Asslee. The empty beer can doesn’t roll far from the…beer can tree.

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