“That’s right, titty. Keep poking ol’ Joe in the side. He don’t mind…”
Jessica Simpson‘s dad Papa Joe was apparently picked up for DUI over the weekend, according to TMZ, which probably explains why she’s been tweeting about her weight all week and dangling it in front of the media like a deep-fried carrot with giant breasts:
We’re told LAPD cops pulled Joe’s car over around 10 PM … and during the stop, officers got the feeling he was intoxicated and ultimately cuffed the famous pop and took him to the pokey.
Joe was booked and spent the rest of the night behind bars. He was released without having to post bail at 9:41 the following day.
JESSICA: Daddy, I can’t get my breast pump to wor-
JOE: I’ll be right over! *chugs glass of scotch, runs out the door*
Photos: Getty
Give him a break, would you. The man’s primary spanking material (Jessica) is a fat mess right now. He’s drinking to dull the pain.
You’ve just got to wonder how many times he’s raped his daughters overs the years (and if he’s still doing it). Especially with the way he pimps them out. Hell, those kids of Ashlee and Jessica might be both his children and grandchildren.
I bet his license says ‘Humbert Humbert’.
I’m thinking it reads “Jed Clampett”
5 minutes I’ve been trying to say something but I just so don’t give a crap about these people I drew a complete blank. Which is what Papa Joe hopes his daughters remember after asking him to put some lotion on them.
IN them*
I bet he lowers that lotion in bedazzled basket into a well. “Looky here, now, younguns, yall best put that dang ole lotion on yalls skin or else you’ll get pappy’s hose again.”
It’s amazing how much money there is to be made with minimally talented yet attractive women.
Of course the competition in this catagory is fierce and looks never last long. A smart manager has to bank his or her money for rainy days such as these.
Yep. But have you seen pix of Jess and Ashley pre-plastic surgery? Not so shit hot, at least Ashley wasn’t. As Joan Collins would say, “beauty is like being born rich … and getting poorer.”
Drinking and driving, well that does not seem very Christian of him.
Must have been hanging with Randy Travis.
I love it when judgmental biblethumpers screw up like the rest of us.
Well, if he wasn’t pantsless in a Trans Am, smashing through construction barricades and threatening to murder the arresting officers, he was just doing it half assed.
Smarmy Pimp-Daddy Joe drunk? I’m astonished!
you just know Jessica’s mom hasnt been fucked in years….she is in prime milf mode….she’d pounce on you like Jessica on a cheese-cake
Caller: “How often should a girl’s da… ‘friend’… give inspections with his penis to make sure that the baby didn’t wreck anything downstairs?”
911: “Ma’am, this line is for emergencies – and I don’t think you can perform an exam with a penis.”
Caller: “So, how often should he fingerbang me then?”
He wasn’t drunk. Jessica was his farty passenger…he was high from smelling her noxious fumes trapped in the enclosed vehicle.
Bless thee father Budweiser.
please send the man to libia.
I guess this explains Asslee. The empty beer can doesn’t roll far from the…beer can tree.