I Wonder How Jessica Simpson Will React to Tony Romo’s Wedding…

June 1st, 2011 // 39 Comments

The Timeline:

May 28, 2011Tony Romo marries Candice Crawford in Dallas, TX. Three-tier cupcake stands are involved.
May 29, 2011People magazine announces the wedding.
May 31, 2011Jessica Simpson turns up at Chili’s.

Jesus, it’s like clockwork. If I were Swiss, I’d have a perfectly synchronized boner with a magnifying glass and compass right now.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet


  1. Puddin' Taine

    She only wanted her baby back, baby back, baby back…

  2. Deacon Jones

    What’s with these chicks, whatever happened to developing the good ole drinking problem?

    Or smoking kind budz all day?

    Im getting sick of these fast food addictions…

    • Richard McBeef

      maybe munchies from the kind budz power that fat ass. or maybe if you eat 2 racks of baby backs you can forget, just for a moment, that your dad started fingering you back when those massive mammaries were just puffy nipples.

  3. Rancid

    They probably broke a couple fryers trying to keep up with her orders.

  4. It had to be said

    Back in my day when a young lady was jilted by her boyfriend she went out and had sex with every guy she could. Now days it’s all deep-fried this, and sauce-slathered that.

  5. It’s a fill in the blank game at The Superficial!:

    Sorry, but catching Jessica Simpson in a restaurant is like catching _____.

  6. KC

    She had dinner three days later? Kinda stupid story, sorry.

  7. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    That is the face of someone suffering the heartache and loss of discovering she’s finished the last of her Bloomin’ Onion without realizing it.

  8. TomFrank

    Did I read that right, Fish? You need a magnifying glass and compass to find your boner?

  9. Jessica Simpson
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She couldn’t decide which scarf, so she wore them all.
    I guess big scarves help cover up a gunt.
    When’s the wedding?

  10. stratacat

    Like she needs an excuse.

  11. Amy

    Seriously? It’s three days after the wedding. What — she’s not supposed to eat!?

    • Amy

      Hey, that’s my name! But c’mon, for a woman who’s only talent was looking good in daisy dukes while making millions of dollars, it’s kinda silly to throw that all away for chili’s and corn dogs. Wait, corn dogs are Brittany . . . well, whatever the fuck tub of lard Jessica eats.

  12. Jessica Simpson
    guy rossi
    Commented on this photo:

    I always thought Jessica could be hot again; but jowels? There’s no turning back.

  13. JRS2

    Oh god no! Someone in LA is actually eating?! How dare they!

  14. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Does that say Chili’s “Too” Go on the sign?

  15. The Pope of Cleveland

    Note to self: buy stock in Fatburger before Nick Lachey gets married.

  16. Drown that sorrow in nacho cheese, fatty, drown it in nacho cheese.

  17. Jessica Simpson
    adolf hitler
    Commented on this photo:

    it really is all over for her

  18. Effexx

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t it be “Chilis To Go”? (one O, not two)

  19. Venom

    This is a dumb post.

    And for the record, I doubt she gives a fuck.

  20. Epstein's Mother

    I’ve never eaten at a Chili Stooge. Is it good?

    • The Critical Crassness

      You missed the spelling by this much..it’s Chilistooge…all one word. It’s Joe Simpson’s nickname for Jennifer’s boyfriends.

  21. doug

    she will eat her weight in donuts, what else do you really expect from her blimp-ass !?

  22. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone forgot the extra chili on her order.

  23. Jessica Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    What was that? Oh, just my career leaving.

  24. the captain

    ……..does anybody know where her doggie is?

  25. PunkA

    Jess is well on her way to becoming the next Delta Burke or Kirstie Alley. Denial is a beautiful thing. Until you weight 285.

  26. Chaz B.

    Look at coota bang lurking in the foreground

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